Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Infuse this

I'm annoyed.

Which will come as no surprise to those who know me, as I'm generally at least a tiny bit annoyed by something going on around me.  But I can hold my tongue no longer.  I heard something on television today that raised the hackles on my back like a cornered porcupine:

"Lemon infused water." 
Used to describe this...

Oh, so by "Lemon infused Water" you mean LEMON WATER? 

I seriously am SO SICK of things being "infused" with other things.  We don't have flavored vodka anymore, we have infused vodka.  Flavored olive oil is now infused.  Strawberry shortcake is now made with "sugar infused strawberries".  Are you kidding me?  This is as out of control as the word "repurpose" was a few years ago.  Whenever a designer on television moved a dang chair it was "repurposed."  Shoes were repurposed as planters, hardback books were repurposed in to jewel boxes, mens ties were repurposed in to pot holders... it's still happening, only now they call it "upcycling." Because to say, "I'm using this cowboy boot as a planter" isn't really telling the whole story, correct? They had to say, "I've repurposed this cowboy boot to use as a planter", and today it would be, "I've upcycled this boot for planting."  The latter is actually the most confusing - don't you just love progress.

To drive home my point that this infusion infestation has crossed the line, I'm going to share with you that there are water infusion recipes out there.  Go ahead, Google it... I'll wait.  (Or click HERE, and really? It's water with food floating in it. Surprisingly there are no recipes for "Water infused with Ice." Because the leap to that from simple Ice Water is staggering. Are you sure people don't need a guide?) 

So, now that we've become addicted to the concept of INFUSING, I expect that before long we will see the following changes:
Loaded Baked Potatoes = Jacket Potatoes infused with butter and sour cream
Tide with Bleach = Tide infused with Decolorizing Agents
Pastel Pink = Red infused with White
Vacation = Entertainment infused Travel
Intravenous Plasma = IV Solution infused with Electrolytes
Old Age = Youth infused by Time

To leave it plain is to accept it as less than it could be?

Honestly folks, I'm not against things being slightly ostentatious.  I'll pay more for a label, I'll admit to some pretension about parts of town people live in, and I buy the expensive shampoo and conditioner.  I do.  You got me.  I'd rather wear a pair of Stephen Bonanno sandals than ones from Target, and I wish my diamond was from Tiffany & Co.

But the second they take my "Damage Remedy" shampoo and label it "Moisturizing Shampoo infused with Damage Repairing Nutrients"?  I'm switching brands.  Because at this moment in time? I'm infused with annoyance...

at least I'm not "mad" anymore. 

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

We need to start working on her endorsements

I'm not sure what happens at your house... but on the "next to last day of school", the day when they empty out desks and lockers?  We experience what is known as The Dump.  The Dump occurs when the child walks in the door, and immediately dumps whatever is contained in their armloads of collected stuff just inside the doorway.  Sometimes this is by the front door, sometimes by the garage door.

Yesterday my middle school daughter happened to come in after school through the garage door.  This is her yearly Dump - and I have to admit that it is an incredible effort. 

If this were a dive? 
I'd have to name it a Forward bi-directional layout with a full outward twist. OR, the DD1 Dump for short.

Notice how, when the pile of crap gently used school supplies hit the floor, they spread both towards the powder room and towards the stairs?  Notice how - with remarkable degree of difficulty - the crap gently used school supplies have actually turned the corner and started up the stairs themselves?  I'm telling you, this is Olympic level Dumping in it's most highly trained, world class form. 
Elite Dumping, if you will.

Score from the Irish/English/Italian Judge:  8.5

You GO girl!