Thursday, August 30, 2012

NOT helping my Karma situation any...

I have a feeling lately that Karma is on my tail.  And not in a good way.  If this is the case?  I didn't do myself any favors today.

Today I decided to stop the store on the way home from school drop off.  Grocery shopping, pick up a prescription... aren't I on the ball? 

Well, yes.  Until I get back out to the parking lot with a cart full of purchases and not one clue where I'm parked.  I drive a grey Acura MDX - the most generic car of the last 10 or so years... there are seriously thousands of twins to my car out there.  At least 5 in every parking lot.  Today, after walking straight to the second of the matching cars I'd decided enough was enough.  I've been under a LOT of stress lately.  I had no patience for a lost car - especially when I was the one that lost it.

So, what's a person to do when looking for a car in a parking lot during the daylight hours? 

Hit the Panic Button. 

Ummm, yeah.  Not my best idea. 
Because my car was about 12 feet from me, in full view. 
Also in full view?  A toddler and her mom. 
A toddler that was passing directly behind my car as the horn started to go off.
A toddler that was so freaked out by the happenstance that she shrieked as her body lifted from the ground.
A toddler who landed FACE FIRST on the pavement right behind my car.  As she looked up?  Her face was a little scraped and she was sobbing. As I walked past them, exchanging a look with the mom that said "why is the horn going off?", I saw her hands were scraped too.

I?  Did not stop.  No WAY right now do I have it in me to deal with that mom.  Because that mom would have GONE OFF on me (rightly so), and I did not feel like being yelled at in a parking lot.

I walked on by, turning in between a couple of cars, where I stayed crouched and hidden until she loaded her toddler up in her car and left. 

I am a coward.
It's like I just invited Bad Karma to the prom, and offered to pay for the entire evening. 


Saturday, August 25, 2012

I look at her...

Right now I am constantly looking at DD1.  Because when I saw her performing on stage - confident, beautiful, graceful, fun, serious - I can see a glimpse of who she will be when she is older.  Not what she will be doing, but snippets of what she will be like.

I will start by saying that when my daughter is in her stage makeup?  She is gorgeous.  Which I know is a weird thing to think when she is 12 and I don't want her to grow up so quickly and I totally mock the Toddler and Tiaras crowd. I always think she's a pretty girl, I'm her mom.  Realistically I know (read: hope) that she won't wear as much makeup in real life as she does on stage, but I can see what it does for her eyes and how it shows off the fullness of her lips (which I would love to have, alas - she did not get them from me) and I know she'll wear makeup when she's older like we all do... and having a glimpse of that is kind of cool. It's probably cool to me because it is temporary.  I'm sure later I'll wish I could see her fresh faced again and wish she didn't always wear makeup.  It seems there is no pleasing a mom!

There is a "look" my daughter does... she's been doing it since she was tiny tiny tiny, and to me it is so very "her".  When I remember her being little, this is one of those "looks" that I see.  She looks up through the tops of her eyes, but it isn't an eye roll.  It's one of her thinking looks - she used to do it a lot when she was talking or telling a story, now I only see it occasionally when she's talking about friends or school. She does it when she dances, and I'm so glad she does. Because for a fraction of a split second she is my little girl again. She has no idea she does it, it is one of those completely unconscious moves that one does that makes them unique. It makes me smile.

When I watch her dance I see that she isn't always in the right place at the right time, but she makes adjustments quickly.

When I watch her dance I see her being in front of people doing something very personal that could be judged, and she is comfortable there.

When I watch her dance I see that she is willing to work hard and doing so brings her joy.

When I watch her dance I can see that she is growing up, but still retains things that make her "DD1".  Things that are a part of who she will always be no matter what.

I look at her...
My daughter.
My amazing daughter.
I love you more than you will ever know.

Monday, August 20, 2012


Hold your breath
Make a wish
Count to three.

Anywhere but here
Anytime but now
Anyone but me.