Y'all know me. I've basically got an inner GPS to the nearest fast food joints in almost every area of the city. I love a good McDonalds French Fry, a Wendy's Double Stack, and practically anything from Sonic... but, even I have to admit I sat up and took note of the KFC commercial that announced its newest offering, the "Cheesy Bacon Bowl." Because really? These KFC "Famous Bowls" already seem so absurdly unhealthy (mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, popcorn chicken, shredded cheese) that adding bacon to the mix is like throwing fuel on the fire.
I can only imagine this is the idea that came out of some Conference of American Cardiologists.
Keynote: (loudly. Think Oprah melded with Evangelical Preacher) "Patients are on the decline, how do we bring them back? Let's throw it around the room - Kurt, what do you have?"
Kurt: "More fat in school lunch?"
Keynote: "a touch obvious. Elizabeth?"
Elizabeth: "Let's bring back Trans-Fats! We could infuse them with Vitamin D and Calcium!"
Keynote: "I like it! A little complicated, but good. We'll get R&D working on that. In the short term, though, how do we pump up the volume and get our patient count up? Baxter, give me something here."
Baxter: "How about adding Bacon to everything? Bacon is popular. Add it to the fried food people already eat? Maybe you could just batter and bread the bacon and deep fry it?"
Keynote: "Now we're talking! But let's start slower than that. Let's just add it on to some already obviously over saturated and unhealthy. Call marketing - get them on this!"
And voila! The new Cheesy Bacon Bowl from KFC. Mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, popcorn chicken, shredded cheese and bacon bits.
Roughly 740 calories for $3.99? BARGAIN. Really? If you're going to consume that many calories? Head to Cheesecake Factory. At least you know it will be completely delicious.
Note: I will tell you that if anyone does come out with a product like "popcorn bacon"? I'm gonna try it. Just sayin - that would be something I'd have to do.