Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Well, this IS my lucky day!

I was fortunate enough to be the recipient of a remarkable letter. I've posted it here, with my initial thoughts noted in red.


Urgent Reply Needed!

Central Bank Of Burkina-Faso (BCEAO)
Ouagadougou-Burkina Faso

Attn: Please, (Been thinking about changing my name to something easier…"Please” has a nice ring to it.)

This Message Might Meet You In Utmost Surprise. (And How!) However, It's Just My Urgent Need For Foreign Partner That Made Me To Contact You For This Transaction. I Got Your Contact From Burkina Faso Chambers Of Commerce While I Was Searching For A Foreign Partner. (I can’t tell you how many contacts I've had since joining the Burkina Faso Chamber of Commerce – what a great networking tool that has been!)  I Assured Of Your Capability And Reliability To Champion This Business Opportunity When I Prayed To God Or Allah About You. (You prayed to God Or Allah? Maybe both? About me specifically? How nice. I didn't get you anything.)

I Am A Banker By Profession (thank you for clarifying this, so many banking hobbyists out there) From Burkina Faso In West Africa (West Africa? Can I catch ebola through email?), And Currently Holding the Post Of Manager Of Bill And Exchange At The Foreign Remittance Department; Central Bank Of Burkina-Faso (BCEAO)(Your business card must be huge). I Have The Opportunity Of Transferring The Left Over Sum Of $10.5 Million Dollars That Belongs To Late Mr Rudi Hermanto From Indonesia Who Died Along With His Entire Family In The Tsunami Disaster In Indonesia And India 2004 And Since Then The Fund Has Been In A Suspense Account. (At least Rudi and his family didn’t live till 2014, and  die painfully in the ebola epidemic. AmIRight?)

After My Further Investigation, I Discovered That Mr Rudi Hermanto Died With His Next Of Kin. (Well, After MY further investigation, it seems that Mr. Rudi Hermanto from Indonesia was perhaps less than faithful to the Central Bank of Burkina-Fasso. Apparently he had USD$500K in the African Development Bank. Can we get that too?) And According To The Laws And Constitution Guiding This Banking Institution Stated That After The Expiration Of (6) Six  Years, If No Body Or Person (Body OR Person? Does it have any stipulations about the Undead?) Comes For The Claim As The Next Of Kin, The Fund Will Be Channel Into National Treasury As Unclaimed Fund. Because Of The Static Of This Transaction I Want You To Stand As The Next Of Kin So That Our Bank Will Accord You Their Recognition And Have The Fund Transfer To Your Account.  (You want me – a middle aged white woman who has no Indonesian ancestry or connection whatsoever – to stand as the next of kin? Yes, that probably won’t trigger any alarms or throw things into probate.)

Hence, I Am Inviting You For A Business Deal Where This Money Can Be Shared Between Us In The Ratio Of 60% For Me And 40% For You. (How did we arrive at this? I’m worth way more than 40%. Have you SEEN me?) And Any Expenses Incidentally Occurred During The Transfer Will Be Incur By Both Of Us. The Transfer Is Risk Free On Both Sides (Of course it is. Why would I even question that?) Hence You Are Going To Follow My Instruction  Till The Fund Transfer To Your Account. (Are you ordering me around? Hey, I don’t know what those bitches at the Burkina Faso Chambers Of Commerce told you, but I am NOT a pushover.)

Further Details Of The Transfer And Text Of Application Form Will Be Forwarded To You As Soon As I Receive Your Return Mail And You Should Contact Me Immediately As Soon As You Receive This Letter. (Yes. I’ll do that. Because this is a miraculous opportunity!)

Your Full Name.... (the one I tell people, or the one the govt. uses to track me?)
Your Sex..... (I’m married, so… it could be more often if I made the effort.)
Your Age.... (On file with the Burkina Faso Chambers Of Commerce.)
Your Country…. (is #1!!)
Passport / Driving License…. (I’m afraid I don’t photograph well. Will a selfie do?)
Marital Status… (see above sex question.)
Your Occupation…. (On file with the Burkina Faso Chambers Of Commerce. But, you can be assured of my “Capability And Reliability To Champion This Business Opportunity.” Since God, or Allah, assured you of this. Who are we to question?)
Your Personal Mobile Number….. (Would this be my license plate number, or the bib number from Run for The Cure in 2010?)
Your Personal Fax Number…. (Oh honey, nobody faxes anymore.)

Trusting To Hear From You Immediately (Wouldn't it be nice if everyone in the world was more trusting?)

Kindly Contact Me Back through Email dr.anthony_emmanuel@yahoo.fr 


Saturday, June 14, 2014

When it hits me...

DD2 completed elementary school recently. In our district they finish in 5th grade – and go on to middle school for grades 6 thru 8.

About a month before DD2 finished, a thought hit me…
“She missed it. She missed all of it.”

In the Spring of 2008 my mom died. April 27th.  Her funeral was that Wednesday. And that Friday, May 2nd, was Kindergarten Orientation.

My baby’s entire elementary school experience happened without her here. From not being able to discuss her first day of school hair bows, to not laughing about school performances, to phone calls from DD2 to her Ammie about incredible happenings, to my needing to ask her advice about teachers… all of it. Without her.

An entire chapter in my daughter’s life has passed since my mom had to go away. Every chapter after will occur without her Ammie here to share…so much has happened within our family during DD2’s elementary school years. It simply doesn’t seem possible that so much has taken place since she has been gone.

My friend, Mrs. Nielson, was so right when she told me, “It never hurts less. It does hurt less often.” Even though our lives did return to normal after she died - and we don't perhaps feel her missing so constantly -  sometimes? “It” hits me like a truck. 

Sunday, April 27, 2014

5th grade Science Fair: The Parent Project

Ahhh, the Sunday Panic before this week's science fair. It never gets old.

I hypothesize that the real question is...
by which number child (ie; first, second, third, etc.) do the parents 
realize that TWO WEEKS would be a better time frame for getting 
the child to do a less stress filled, better quality science fair project?

Child #1 (DD1):
Weekend before = Chaos 
Not too stressful, as an entire weekend to run the experiments proved sufficient for child #1's project. Child had time to complete write up, print, and glue information / pictures / graphs to board by themselves, but only just. Glue MAY have been wet on display board as Science Fair was beginning.

Child #2 (DD2):
Sunday before = Greater Chaos (because the parents forgot how involved this actually was... and had plans all day on Saturday).
Mother to spend time during Monday or Tuesday typing and printing up the information which child is busily compiling with Father on Sunday evening. Some frustrated yelling in the kitchen has ensued. Glue will for sure still be wet on Thursday for Science Fair. Consider variable of using quick dry glue stick.

Child #3: this variable is lacking in our household. Suspect two possible outcomes:
Outcome #1: Start experiments two weekends ahead so there was no last minute rush = Happiness
Outcome #2: Night before Science Fair would be dubbed "sufficient time necessary" = Child in tears at 10pm when experiments not yet complete, parents sitting in living room Googling "results." Presentation board simply drawn on old Christmas boxes taped together by mom while child sleeps (using the only two markers she can find in the house), and spelling mistakes go uncorrected. (Let's face it, spelling mistakes go unnoticed until board arrives at school.)

Therefore, I conclude that - no matter how many children the parents have - this never gets easier.