Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Well, this IS my lucky day!

I was fortunate enough to be the recipient of a remarkable letter. I've posted it here, with my initial thoughts noted in red.


Urgent Reply Needed!

Central Bank Of Burkina-Faso (BCEAO)
Ouagadougou-Burkina Faso

Attn: Please, (Been thinking about changing my name to something easier…"Please” has a nice ring to it.)

This Message Might Meet You In Utmost Surprise. (And How!) However, It's Just My Urgent Need For Foreign Partner That Made Me To Contact You For This Transaction. I Got Your Contact From Burkina Faso Chambers Of Commerce While I Was Searching For A Foreign Partner. (I can’t tell you how many contacts I've had since joining the Burkina Faso Chamber of Commerce – what a great networking tool that has been!)  I Assured Of Your Capability And Reliability To Champion This Business Opportunity When I Prayed To God Or Allah About You. (You prayed to God Or Allah? Maybe both? About me specifically? How nice. I didn't get you anything.)

I Am A Banker By Profession (thank you for clarifying this, so many banking hobbyists out there) From Burkina Faso In West Africa (West Africa? Can I catch ebola through email?), And Currently Holding the Post Of Manager Of Bill And Exchange At The Foreign Remittance Department; Central Bank Of Burkina-Faso (BCEAO)(Your business card must be huge). I Have The Opportunity Of Transferring The Left Over Sum Of $10.5 Million Dollars That Belongs To Late Mr Rudi Hermanto From Indonesia Who Died Along With His Entire Family In The Tsunami Disaster In Indonesia And India 2004 And Since Then The Fund Has Been In A Suspense Account. (At least Rudi and his family didn’t live till 2014, and  die painfully in the ebola epidemic. AmIRight?)

After My Further Investigation, I Discovered That Mr Rudi Hermanto Died With His Next Of Kin. (Well, After MY further investigation, it seems that Mr. Rudi Hermanto from Indonesia was perhaps less than faithful to the Central Bank of Burkina-Fasso. Apparently he had USD$500K in the African Development Bank. Can we get that too?) And According To The Laws And Constitution Guiding This Banking Institution Stated That After The Expiration Of (6) Six  Years, If No Body Or Person (Body OR Person? Does it have any stipulations about the Undead?) Comes For The Claim As The Next Of Kin, The Fund Will Be Channel Into National Treasury As Unclaimed Fund. Because Of The Static Of This Transaction I Want You To Stand As The Next Of Kin So That Our Bank Will Accord You Their Recognition And Have The Fund Transfer To Your Account.  (You want me – a middle aged white woman who has no Indonesian ancestry or connection whatsoever – to stand as the next of kin? Yes, that probably won’t trigger any alarms or throw things into probate.)

Hence, I Am Inviting You For A Business Deal Where This Money Can Be Shared Between Us In The Ratio Of 60% For Me And 40% For You. (How did we arrive at this? I’m worth way more than 40%. Have you SEEN me?) And Any Expenses Incidentally Occurred During The Transfer Will Be Incur By Both Of Us. The Transfer Is Risk Free On Both Sides (Of course it is. Why would I even question that?) Hence You Are Going To Follow My Instruction  Till The Fund Transfer To Your Account. (Are you ordering me around? Hey, I don’t know what those bitches at the Burkina Faso Chambers Of Commerce told you, but I am NOT a pushover.)

Further Details Of The Transfer And Text Of Application Form Will Be Forwarded To You As Soon As I Receive Your Return Mail And You Should Contact Me Immediately As Soon As You Receive This Letter. (Yes. I’ll do that. Because this is a miraculous opportunity!)

Your Full Name.... (the one I tell people, or the one the govt. uses to track me?)
Your Sex..... (I’m married, so… it could be more often if I made the effort.)
Your Age.... (On file with the Burkina Faso Chambers Of Commerce.)
Your Country…. (is #1!!)
Passport / Driving License…. (I’m afraid I don’t photograph well. Will a selfie do?)
Marital Status… (see above sex question.)
Your Occupation…. (On file with the Burkina Faso Chambers Of Commerce. But, you can be assured of my “Capability And Reliability To Champion This Business Opportunity.” Since God, or Allah, assured you of this. Who are we to question?)
Your Personal Mobile Number….. (Would this be my license plate number, or the bib number from Run for The Cure in 2010?)
Your Personal Fax Number…. (Oh honey, nobody faxes anymore.)

Trusting To Hear From You Immediately (Wouldn't it be nice if everyone in the world was more trusting?)

Kindly Contact Me Back through Email dr.anthony_emmanuel@yahoo.fr 


No comments: