Thursday, October 21, 2010

It is over.

“It is over.”

These are the words written in an email that we received this morning to let us know that a friend has passed away. Husband’s former co-worker has lost his wife, his partner, his love. I did not know her well at all, I only met her a handful of times. But Husband always informed me of how she was doing. His co-worker shared the struggle during conversations with my Husband, and I felt happiness for them when they received good news… and prayed for them when the news was not good.

“It is over.”

The note was written at 2:19am. My heart is broken for him. This was not a sudden illness; she has been fighting cancer for a very long time… since before Husband met them.

“It is over.”

It is the end of so many things. The end of her struggle and the end of her pain. The end of the small arguments or teasing that make up the conversation after you’ve been married to someone so long that the other topics have all been covered. The end of their children having their mom around to call and talk to, to hug, to be there for them even though they didn’t really need it anymore. The end of endless doctor appointments and medications. The end of not knowing ‘when?’, which is the question you never really want answered.

“It is over.”

When you get married, it is with every expectation that you will be growing old together. You are taking on a partner for the rest of your life, but at some point that ends. One of you always finishes growing old before the other one does. This is something they should tell you before you get married, just so you know. This couple really got cheated in this department, as to lose your spouse in your 50’s is unthinkable. Yet, I attended a funeral just two days ago of a woman who left behind a husband in his early 70’s. Again, I doubt that he thinks they got to grow old together – as early 70’s probably doesn’t feel all that old to him. I am no less sad for him. I don’t know how I would face it if Husband stopped growing old before me… I can’t even go there in my head. I don’t know how my dad manages, and he and my mom made it to 81 together before she passed away. I don’t think my dad thought they were done growning old together yet either.

“It is over.”

This is what my brother said to me on the phone when I called him to tell him that I was too tired to drive back to the hospital when mom was dying. He called to say, “it’s time if you want to try to come down.” It was the middle of the night, and after talking to my husband had decided I was just too tired to safely drive back to the hospital. When I called my brother back to tell him he said, “It’s OK. She’s gone. It’s over.”

I am so sad for anyone who has to hear these words and for anyone who has to say these words. It seems that we hear them all too often at our age. Friends losing parents,friends losing spouses. We are at that age. Today, for Dory… who fought so hard for so long, it is over. May she rest in greatly deserved peace, and may her family find peace with her passing. Today my prayers belong to them. I am really very touched by the fact that "it is over."


Rumour Miller said...

Just the thought of Craig not growing old with me, is enough to put me in shambles. A crying mess. I would surely die of a broken heart.

I am so very sorry for your friend and his wife.

tz said...

I also can not go there with my husband and most def. not my kiddos. Very lovely and sad post

Vern said...

Ugh. I am so sick of cancer. My neighbor's been battling breast cancer for over a year now and a few months ago also found out that their son has lymphoma. He's 5.

Cancer can suck it.

Dodi said...

Vern, your neighbor's family is in my prayers - I will never understand why some families have to go through so much pain. It seems so senseless and random.

Cancer CAN suck it. I think that should be the new tagline of the National Cancer Institute.