Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Her first crush, and the memory of mine

How cute is a first crush? How disturbing that my seven year old is having one! DD1 has a HUGE crush on “M”. He’s a nice enough little boy, but I was surprised that he is the one that has captured her heart.

We were driving to pick up DD2 from preschool one afternoon (after I had picked up DD1 from her school) and out of nowhere:
“Mom, I think I might love M.”
“Really, or do you think you might have a crush on him instead?”
“I think I love him, but I might have a crush. How do I know?”
“Sweetheart, your heart and your head don’t know the difference between a crush and real love yet. It takes a long time for them to figure out the difference. The feel a LOT alike, and it isn’t until you’ve had a few more crushes and maybe really fallen in love before you can tell the difference. I think you have a crush, but your body doesn’t know the difference yet.”
“I just can’t stop thinking about him!” (This was delivered in an almost squeal of a voice. Awwwwwww!)

Trust me, she has it bad. He speaks up in class and she turns and stares at him like all the wisdom of the universe might just spill out of his first grade mouth. She cannot tear her gaze from him when he’s done talking - - just looks at him with that wonderous look on her face. He walks by her, same reaction. She thinks about him a lot, even on the weekends. I can FEEL how much she “loves” him… because she is so much like me.

The first time I saw “S” I was in kindergarten. I was an afternoon kindergartener, he went in the morning. A few times during that year both classes met at the same time; Halloween being the first time. He walked by and I knew I loved him. I knew I would always love him, and that no boy would ever be that great. I was overwhelmed. I learned his name, and from then on I tried to find which art projects on the wall were his. I don’t remember exactly when our classes met again, but you can be sure I was all aflutter about seeing him again. Guess what? “S” was even cuter the second time I saw him. Sigh. We were in the same class in first grade, I think he also had a crush on me at that point (we flirted a ton and spent lots of playtime together), and then we went to school together until we graduated high school. We ended up in vastly different crowds, but said hello to each other in the halls if we saw each other. (He ended up with the popular crowd – I did not.) My crush on him was so great that even up until 6th grade I would get a little twinge of jealousy when I saw him with another girl, or heard that he kissed this one girls at a 6th grade “party” that I wasn’t cool enough to be invited to. (He gave her a hickey. Which I thought made her the 6th grade slut.) I didn’t even crush on him anymore, but the twinge was still there.

DD1 has this kind of a crush, and I fear he will break her heart. He didn’t come to her birthday party (although his home life, I suspect, is a little bit to blame for this), he is one of those boys that SO isn’t into girls at this point. His inattention to her makes her heart ache – and I know that feeling so well. Sigh. She is such a sweetie, I hope this doesn’t change her… but I already know better.

I will never tease her about having a crush on a boy.
Because I know how she feels.


“S” is only one of two people in my life that I actually remember the first time I laid eyes on him. The other? My husband… although I didn’t exactly have a crush on him when I first met him! Or, did I?

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