Wednesday, August 6, 2008

“If you can’t be athletes, be athletic supporters!”

It's Wednesday... and we all know that means my real-time PROJECT RUNWAY recap!!

But? First can we talk about Tanboi? Apparently tanning is like heroin to the kid, and he’s going through withdrawal. He cannot shut up about it… perhaps we need a mystic tan intervention? They have the at home Mystic in a can now. Oh, the WHINING! Don’t you think he would have thought ahead and at least packed a little bronzer? He KNEW he wouldn’t be tanning, and now he’s all crybaby. Wah.

We get the requisite eye rolls when a field trip is announced, and here comes Apollo Ohno. (I’m thinking more than half of them didn’t know who he was until he was introduced.) They get to create a pretend design for the Olympic Opening Ceremonies. I’m wondering what kind of gay man Daniel is, as he has never watched the Opening Ceremony. It’s all choreography and flash – sure it’s usually a little weird, but wouldn’t that be a plus for him? It’s practically drag queens out there its so costumey. Joe, of course, is all over this challenge – reiterating for us that he is a sportswear designer, as befitting a straight man I suppose. As I remember, the outfits for the opening parade are usually sort of geek looking – but I suppose when you get hundreds of people in matching outfits even Prada might look stupid.

And we’re at Mood. Stella is using black? Tim sounds surprised. Has he not been paying attention?

Fabric fight! Rumble at Mood! “Oh no he di’nt." Oh yes, sister, he did. Alas, no Roman Greco Wrestling on the fabric cutting table. Now THAT would have been Olympic.

Back in the workroom, we find out that Joe played football. (And, therefore, is straight with a wife and children.) Daniel isn’t athletic – he went to boarding school, and is designing a cocktail dress. Because nothing screams “athlete in training” like a cocktail. Oh, and one of the mousy brown haired girls was a cheerleader. Not because she wanted to be - but because she was a dancer and gymnast. (Because being a cheerleader just to be a cheerleader is a bad thing?)

Tanboi is in agony. Get the boy some “Warmth” by Bare Essentials. STAT!

Jennifer? Is designing for Doris Day.

Korto is making a touching speech about how much America means to her. Which, really, is touching. She was a refugee, and that would leave some traumatic scars on a child. So… she is either the winner or loser tonight. No doubt about it, the gut wrenching personal history is a tell. (Not that I’m saying that the editing of this show is getting predictable.)

Here comes TIM!

Joe. Tim approves of a skort? I would have never guessed that he’d be OK with something so very middle class and mall-ish.
Tanboi. I am now officially over him. Who doesn’t know when The Beatles were popular? Asshat.*
Daniel. Tim lectures Daniel, and Daniel is also not as cute close up as I thought he was. Distance? Is his best friend.
Jerell. Is using horizontal stripes on body conscious athletes? Is he trying to encourage eating disorders during the games? Gads!
Jennifer. Tim hates her outfit. I agree with Tim.

Back in the workroom and Wow! Daniel is stepping on a lot of toes tonight. Now he’s pissing off Joe about re threading the sewing machine. Throw it down, Joe! Is it just me or does Daniel have ADND? (Attention Deficit Narcissist Disorder)

Jerell’s outfit is ridiculous, like he’s dressing his model for a polo match. Polo is athletic… but I’m so not seeing 16 year old gymnasts in this "outfit". Who are these people kidding? Have they ever seen Olympic athletes? They aren’t 6 foot tall, thin models. Some of them don’t seem to get that this is a sportswear challenge.

You know what? Stella looks a lot like Cher when she wears makeup. I’m surprised the gays don’t like her more.

Time for the runway!! Woot woot!

Guest judge is Apollo Ohno. Because he’s fabulous.

Korto: It’s a pantsuit. Modern and not fussy.
Suede: His girl looks like a cheerleader.
Kelli: Model looks like a flight attendant from 1966.
Joe: Cute USA outfit. See, is this where we get in to trouble? Will the judges like it, or throw it out because it is so “expected”?
Leanne: Uhhh… Couture tennis anyone?
Daniel: Looks like Laura from last season designed it. Except then it would have been prettier, and the right color.
Jerell: Seriously? WTF? Ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. So not what they asked for.
Stella: Its OK, except for the epaulets I sort of like it. I hate that I don’t hate it.
Keith: Yeah? No. Bad skirt. More Cirque than Beijing.
Terri: I like it, but not so much the jacket. This could work though.
Jennifer: Really is Doris Day. Also? Not surreal. Isn’t that her claim to fame? This MIGHT have been considered surreal in the 1700’s. Not so much now that 1950 has come and gone.
Blayne: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I like it. Very futuristic. Pretty cool.
Kenley: Are you kidding me? Rosie the Riveter went to the Olympics?

So, Suede, Kelli, Leanne, Stella, Keith, Blayne, and Kenley are all safe. Which is a gift for some of them, trust.

Lets bring out the models…
Terri: Apollo, likes the colors. Michael, said something about a Lauren Hutton vibe. Nina, likes the versatility. Sportswear, hooray.

Jennifer: Heidi, doesn’t read as modern, Olympic or American. (Can’t have missed the challenge much more than that!) Apollo, didn’t grasp design. Nina wants to do a little psychotherapy on poor Jennifer, to help her separate herself from the designs. Prim romantic athlete does not read well. (I think she is so out.)

Joe: Heidi likes the zipper. Apollo likes that it shows off an athletic body. Michael likes the skort, but hates the length. Nina likes the sporty-ness. Literal translation of the challenge.

Daniel: Apollo, said there is nothing Olympic or athletic about it. (Apollo is correct.) Nina said there was no relevance. Heidi calls out the purple. Michael thinks she is from the Republic of Cocktail land. Just hate. Hate hate hate.

Korto: Nina, likes the fabric, would present America as a very chic team. Heidi, likes it. Apollo, very 2008, big fan of the look. Very sophisticated and they like it. (It is cool, and looks even better during this discussion than it did going down the runway.)

Jerell: Apollo said very unique, but didn’t scream athletics. Nina is puzzled. Mary had a little lamb? Michale, Bad hat. Heidi hates it. They actually laughed at this dress. Thoughtful and good fabric, but a costume.

Winner is: Korto. See, now the soliloquy makes more sense. (I’m not seeing an Emmy for Originality in Editing any time soon.)

Auffed: Jennifer! Finally. Good bye you faux-surrealist! (Now I’ll be able to keep the girls straight! We’re down to one Betti Paige, one mousy brown straight haired girl, one blond girl, and two African Americans with different hairstyles. Thank God. Am I leaving anyone out? Is there a Hispanic lesbian, or is that Shear Genius?)
Until next week PR lovers!

*quoted from Jen Lancaster. Who I wish was the Official Author of my 2008 Olympic experience – because I think she is hilarious and I would DIG it if she recapped the events.

Pictures pirated from Project Runway Auction site.


Colleen O said...

Not to take anything away from your incredible enthusiasm, but apparently all my elasticity is gone, and I can't even manage to be a supporter.

tz said...

hey I like the new look to your blog!

Anonymous said...

I also liked stella's black track suit with the trim. It was aerodynamic and sleek. I really think and athletes would like to wear something that show off their muscles. Not to mention she was the only designer that spoke about how American athletes should be represented as gladiators. Thats pretty cool to me.

Martha said...

Chang Gang finally watched the TiVo'd episode (school and Olympics got in the way).

We are 100% in agreement with your picks and analysis. While I want to be annoyed with Stella, she is able to incorporate her thing and still meet the expectations of the challenge. Good Bye Fraidy Cat (that's what Thing Two said she looked like).

And TanBoy? They are giving his tan addiction so much screen time to this, that I'm guessing it will play into some future episode. Perhaps he escapes the compound to get a hit?