Most of the time I forget that I have a Yahoo account. I’ve had it forever, and it is the email account I give if I’m doing a survey or commenting on blogs where I don’t want them to track me down. (Yes, I do that.) Once every few months, I’ll log on to Yahoo and be greeted with a sign that tells me I have hundreds of messages. Literally, there will be 500-600 messages in my inbox, and like 1600 in my “junk mail”. (Where the spam filter has stored them. It automatically deletes them after a month, so that number is frightening.)
The Yahoo Spam filter is probably a fairly powerful model, since 2/3+ of the junk is getting filtered out. Wanna know what this massive Spam filter didn’t catch?
A note to tell me that my $1000 Victoria’s Secret gift card is awaiting my personal information.
27 notices that my credit score has been updated. How they know this is BEYOND me,
13 different notices, from various email accounts, asking me if I’d like to be the world’s next millionaire.
Several emails offering me Visa credit, in unlimited amounts. All I have to do is send them some personal information…. Yada yada yada.
Several additional emails telling me my new Visa card has already arrived! The highest limit “given” to me during this round is $7500. Come on, tricksters, you can do better than that!
Offers of Nursing Degrees, Medical Transcription certificates, and one even proclaiming I can attend med school online. Sign! Me! Up!
Notice of my $1000 Target gift card arriving.
16 notices that I can make a regular income from anywhere, along with 4 emails that tell me I can specifically do this from home. (Note: wouldn’t “anywhere” be better than just “home”? I mean, really?)
Lots of updates from Oriental Trading – which I actually remember signing up to get and will appreciate getting around the holidays when, as room mother, there are craft kits to be purchased.
2 emails informing me that I am going to receive a new Blackberry… all I need to do is confirm information for shipping. (from two distinctly different charlatans, I might add.)
Numerous personal notes from Jessica Peterson, letting me know how I can earn money online. Also some notes from Jessica about encouraging growth in my manhood. Obviously, we’re good friends.
Easy Google Profit! Sent to my Yahoo address? Call me skeptical.
Many offers of Federal Grants. I’m thinking of applying to get a federal grant to study how, by sending me thousands of emails every month, the spammers are actually taking a green approach and helping fight global warming by reducing the amount of ACTUAL junk mail I receive in a months time. Because these spammers? They are all about doing good.
A message from “Arcadia Tidwell” titled: Fwd: Hi vupiker
Who is Arcadia Tidwell, and how dare she call me Vupiker! That nickname is reserved for only my closest amigos.
A handful of messages from “Naughty or Nice” offering me loads of singles hookups. Because happily married women are a good candidate for this kind of advertising?
One notice of need for a Medieval Transcriptionist. Sounds like my interest in Art and Religious History precedes me. Or more likely? Someone in Pakistan needs a new spell checker.
Hey, here is something new! I can make money by clicking online ads. Who knew it could be so easy? And I’ll be I can do this from anywhere… not just home!
Loretta Hollingsworth sent me an email titled: you want me to do for you.
(No, Loretta, I don’t. And I’m not clicking this email.)
rodriquezj at icahnhouse dot org writes: “Look me up sometime.” I don’t even want to know.
Plus, it looks like on any day of the week I can:
Reinvent my life for fun and profit! (it’s the “profit” part that has me wondering.)
Increase my bustline! (Again, they know me too well!)
Buy a house in Oregon! (yes, it specifically states OREGON.)
Brighten my mother’s day with an e-card! (This is just insensitive.)
Discover the income of friends and neighbors! (I’m only curious about a few of you.)
Buy diamonds for pennies on the dollar! (I’m intrigued.)
Find my ideal weight! (Because this is some tricky information to locate.)
Get discount prescriptions from the PHARMBACY! (English, people. ENGLISH)
...and last, but certainly not least…
Buy Viagra for a fraction of the original cost. (I’m sure this is the good stuff.)
So kids, what we can learn here is that if you’re having financial, medical, vocational, intellectual, locational, or retail problems… the answer can be found in your Yahoo.com inbox. Please remember to click responsibly.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Sunday, August 3, 2008
So. Much. Fun.
I can't believe I almost didn't see this movie. I thought I'd be rolling my eyes the entire time... boy was I wrong! I laughed (a LOT), I cried (only during one scene, although it seems our whole coven saw me), and I smiled a ton. Truly one of the best movies I have seen in a long while... not because it has a great message, or because it will change your perspective of the world, or even that it is such a great plot. It is just an excellent "feel good movie". How they work in the songs is hilarious, the actors are delightful to watch, it is a pretty movie to look at, and just charming in its entirety. I will own this one when it comes out on DVD, and cannot wait to see it again. Just watching the trailer makes me smile and remember how much fun this movie was to see.
You must see this movie with at least one friend in tow. Giggling is part of the tremendous fun of the experience!
You must see this movie with at least one friend in tow. Giggling is part of the tremendous fun of the experience!
Friday, August 1, 2008
Really not much going on lately
As summer comes to a close I need to plan some activities we haven't gotten to yet. There are two movies the girls want to see, a trip to the zoo, a trip to a water park (Friday. Wahoo!)
I know I seem focused on Project Runway right now, but that is because I am. Focused. On Project Runway. Since there is no Big Love this summer I have to obsess about this instead.
My kids haven't said or done anything remarkably funny lately, my husband is being normal, and the golf lessons are going fine. I can't decide if I like the game yet... but if I do I have decided that my signature color for golf is going to be pink. (Watch as Husband rolls his eyes!)
I did find out recently that Husband reads my blog. Which sort of surprised me, because he's not at all a blog reader and because he hates to listen to me drone on and on. (And really? Isn't that what blogging is?) I kind of like that he cares what I have to say, and if it is easier to read than to listen to - - well who am I to complain? This man, who is fine with me going to an Uppercase Living party next weekend and spending untold amounts of money on something he hasn't a clue about, is pretty wonderful to care enough to bookmark me. (As long as it isn't handbags they sell he's OK. Any more purses and I'm in trouble!)
I've decided that I'm not going to be reviewing the book on Madonna after all. Truth be told, I don't find her that fascinating and I don't really want to give him any more money from the book sale. I mean, who rats out their sibling? (You know, to the entire world... I understand just ratting them out to other siblings!!)
So, in lieu of any good blogging ideas, I simply wish you "Have a good weekend!"
I know I seem focused on Project Runway right now, but that is because I am. Focused. On Project Runway. Since there is no Big Love this summer I have to obsess about this instead.
My kids haven't said or done anything remarkably funny lately, my husband is being normal, and the golf lessons are going fine. I can't decide if I like the game yet... but if I do I have decided that my signature color for golf is going to be pink. (Watch as Husband rolls his eyes!)
I did find out recently that Husband reads my blog. Which sort of surprised me, because he's not at all a blog reader and because he hates to listen to me drone on and on. (And really? Isn't that what blogging is?) I kind of like that he cares what I have to say, and if it is easier to read than to listen to - - well who am I to complain? This man, who is fine with me going to an Uppercase Living party next weekend and spending untold amounts of money on something he hasn't a clue about, is pretty wonderful to care enough to bookmark me. (As long as it isn't handbags they sell he's OK. Any more purses and I'm in trouble!)
I've decided that I'm not going to be reviewing the book on Madonna after all. Truth be told, I don't find her that fascinating and I don't really want to give him any more money from the book sale. I mean, who rats out their sibling? (You know, to the entire world... I understand just ratting them out to other siblings!!)
So, in lieu of any good blogging ideas, I simply wish you "Have a good weekend!"
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Project Runway Australia
OK, I'm not going to start writing recaps of the Aussie version of the show... but they actually have better designers this season than we do.
BUT, I had to show you this guy. Mark.
Who must have walked in to the hair salon and said, "I am inspired by this. Make this happen."
And Americans are annoying?
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
It's Wednesday! Here comes the Project Runway Recap!
Tim is going to take them out tonight. (If this was Top Chef they’d end up cooking for some neighborhood festival.) Tim showed up in a rain coat, so all the contestants are in rain ponchos. (Hip! Not.) Their destination is a double decker bus. The challenge is to design a look for going out in NY at Night inspired by a tour of NY. (Cheese.) I think in season one they had to do an outfit inspired by the city. Sadly it seems they have run out of ideas.
Stella can’t work her camera. Probably because it isn’t a crack pipe. Also? I still have a hard time figuring out which one is Emily and which one is Kenley. They look WAY too much alike. Someone (the innocent 30 something guy from Utah. Keith?) just mentioned the negative energy that is floating around. Like you can get women and gays together and not have a little backstabbing going on? Please. I wonder if he’s gay? Even if he is he probably can’t do anything about it with his family being very religious. Hey, maybe he’ll have a breakdown!!
Budget for shopping is $100. “Thank you Mood!”
OK, lets start draping the dress forms. Winner will have immunity. Tanboi can crack a joke, but he’s a freak. Straight guy just said Kenley’s fabric looks like a lawn chair cushion. LOL. So far I don’t understand the garments, which I suppose is why I’m not a designer?
I like Jerrell more and more. Kenley is bagging on Emilie’s dress. Kenley must rate in the final six this week because they are giving her a lot of attention. Stella of COURSE chose to be inspired by something leather. So now she is hammering away at her grommets and disturbing the other designers’ concentration.
If I had to guess right now who was in the final 3 good and 3 bad this week?
Keith, Kenley, Emily, Tanboi, Leanne, and Suede. Don’t know who is good and bad, but they are concentrating on these people.
Know what I hate? That stupid Mojito commercial they show every single week.
Back from break! Tim comes in for his consultation.
Jennifer, he thinks it is matronly.
Keith, This dress will have a shape?
Kenley, Tim likes the picture. Thinks it might be costumey
Terri, Tim does think she captured the picture. “But Oh My God.”
Leanne, Tim likes the skirt. A lot.
Emily, describes it as a black dress with an over sized corsage. He wants MORE!
(I wonder why we don’t see all the consultations?)
Day of the Runway Show
NOBODY is finished yet. Ha Ha Ha. Tim gets there while they are all still pinning and freaking out. Keith has to switch models. Like this is drama? So what? Aren’t they all a size 0 anyway? It appears to be a puffy whitish dress, how much re-fitting could there be?
Runway Time!! Guest judge is…. Sandra Bernhard. (Why?)
Keith: Puffy dress, frilly, looks random.
Blaine: black dress with neon scarves.
Joe: Black dress with corset. Looks like picture. Strong.
Emily: black dress with scarves
Leanne: very cool black skirt and black top.
Jennifer: navy and cream, dowdy.
Jerrell: Cool green dress with ruffles. Me likey.
Kelli: Weird black stripes, don’t get it.
Daniel: Shiny bronze-ish satin.
Kenley: Ummmm, looks more like a tattoo than a dress.
Suede: raincoat-esque silhouette. Pretty
Stella: Pants, laced in front. Silver vest. Meh.
Korto: Black jumpsuit. Cute.
Terri: Backless dress with pants. Cool looking.
Who they liked (with comments):
Kenley. Michael, “Cute”. Nina, “Good play on volume.”
Terri. Sandra, “sexy.” Michael, “the right style on right girl.” Heidi, “cool.”
Leanne. Sandra, “cool.” Michael, loves the idea of this dress being separates. Heidi “would wear it in a heartbeat.”
Who they hated (with more comments):
Keith. Michael, “Looks like toilet paper in a wind storm.” Sandra, “Can’t see her body.” Heidi, “not good.”
Emily. Sandra “didn’t like the ruffles”, Nina “it’s a Carmen Miranda moment.” Michael, “explosion of ruffle is placed badly.”
Jennifer. Michael, doesn’t like her style. Heidi, “matronly.” Nina, thinks it is “OK but boring.” Sandra, “not nicely executed.”
Winner: Kenley. (I still think her dress looked like a life-sized tattoo made out of fabric.)
Leanne would have been my vote.
Auffed: Emily. (Did she pick a knock-kneed model on purpose?)
See, I would have auffed Jennifer. Shows how much they know. At least I won’t have a hard time telling who is who anymore between the two raven haired girls with bangs!
Only 5 or 6 more weeks until the snark gets better because there aren’t so darn many designers to follow. I LOVE when they get in to more of the sh*t!
Until next week, savor the drama!!
all photos from Project Runway auction site. You can see the other designer's work there.
Stella can’t work her camera. Probably because it isn’t a crack pipe. Also? I still have a hard time figuring out which one is Emily and which one is Kenley. They look WAY too much alike. Someone (the innocent 30 something guy from Utah. Keith?) just mentioned the negative energy that is floating around. Like you can get women and gays together and not have a little backstabbing going on? Please. I wonder if he’s gay? Even if he is he probably can’t do anything about it with his family being very religious. Hey, maybe he’ll have a breakdown!!
Budget for shopping is $100. “Thank you Mood!”
OK, lets start draping the dress forms. Winner will have immunity. Tanboi can crack a joke, but he’s a freak. Straight guy just said Kenley’s fabric looks like a lawn chair cushion. LOL. So far I don’t understand the garments, which I suppose is why I’m not a designer?
I like Jerrell more and more. Kenley is bagging on Emilie’s dress. Kenley must rate in the final six this week because they are giving her a lot of attention. Stella of COURSE chose to be inspired by something leather. So now she is hammering away at her grommets and disturbing the other designers’ concentration.
If I had to guess right now who was in the final 3 good and 3 bad this week?
Keith, Kenley, Emily, Tanboi, Leanne, and Suede. Don’t know who is good and bad, but they are concentrating on these people.
Know what I hate? That stupid Mojito commercial they show every single week.
Back from break! Tim comes in for his consultation.
Jennifer, he thinks it is matronly.
Keith, This dress will have a shape?
Kenley, Tim likes the picture. Thinks it might be costumey
Terri, Tim does think she captured the picture. “But Oh My God.”
Leanne, Tim likes the skirt. A lot.
Emily, describes it as a black dress with an over sized corsage. He wants MORE!
(I wonder why we don’t see all the consultations?)
Day of the Runway Show
NOBODY is finished yet. Ha Ha Ha. Tim gets there while they are all still pinning and freaking out. Keith has to switch models. Like this is drama? So what? Aren’t they all a size 0 anyway? It appears to be a puffy whitish dress, how much re-fitting could there be?
Runway Time!! Guest judge is…. Sandra Bernhard. (Why?)
Keith: Puffy dress, frilly, looks random.
Blaine: black dress with neon scarves.
Joe: Black dress with corset. Looks like picture. Strong.
Emily: black dress with scarves
Leanne: very cool black skirt and black top.
Jennifer: navy and cream, dowdy.
Jerrell: Cool green dress with ruffles. Me likey.
Kelli: Weird black stripes, don’t get it.
Daniel: Shiny bronze-ish satin.
Kenley: Ummmm, looks more like a tattoo than a dress.
Suede: raincoat-esque silhouette. Pretty
Stella: Pants, laced in front. Silver vest. Meh.
Korto: Black jumpsuit. Cute.
Terri: Backless dress with pants. Cool looking.
Who they liked (with comments):
Kenley. Michael, “Cute”. Nina, “Good play on volume.”
Terri. Sandra, “sexy.” Michael, “the right style on right girl.” Heidi, “cool.”
Leanne. Sandra, “cool.” Michael, loves the idea of this dress being separates. Heidi “would wear it in a heartbeat.”
Who they hated (with more comments):
Keith. Michael, “Looks like toilet paper in a wind storm.” Sandra, “Can’t see her body.” Heidi, “not good.”
Emily. Sandra “didn’t like the ruffles”, Nina “it’s a Carmen Miranda moment.” Michael, “explosion of ruffle is placed badly.”
Jennifer. Michael, doesn’t like her style. Heidi, “matronly.” Nina, thinks it is “OK but boring.” Sandra, “not nicely executed.”
Winner: Kenley. (I still think her dress looked like a life-sized tattoo made out of fabric.)
Leanne would have been my vote.
Auffed: Emily. (Did she pick a knock-kneed model on purpose?)
See, I would have auffed Jennifer. Shows how much they know. At least I won’t have a hard time telling who is who anymore between the two raven haired girls with bangs!Only 5 or 6 more weeks until the snark gets better because there aren’t so darn many designers to follow. I LOVE when they get in to more of the sh*t!
Until next week, savor the drama!!
all photos from Project Runway auction site. You can see the other designer's work there.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Friday, July 25, 2008
Who wore it best?
Because when it comes right down to it? A trash bag is a trash bag is a trash bag. Yes?
Thursday, July 24, 2008
PR recap, episode 2
This week’s challenge is making a cocktail dress for their models. Sounds easy enough, but I suppose Blaine (from now on referred to as TanBoi, which I saw on MamaPop and just loved) will be in trouble because the dress is also supposed to be pretty. Oh, and the models are doing the shopping. Think they will remember to buy things like thread? They will be buying “green” fabrics, which at first confused me because I kept thinking “You know? Green just isn’t a good color on everyone.”… but they meant that they would be using Eco Fabrics. Oh….duh.
Kenley is stressed out over the fabrics picturing trying to make a cocktail dress out of hemp or something. Wesley is whining over his models choices, unfortunately I think Suede likes what his model picked out. Please let me mention again that Stella is so ugly! What a shock that she has “no strategy” and “this is not what I do.” Seems to be her mantra so far.
(Oops, Project Runway is tivo-ing over Ghost Hunters downstairs. Darling Husband is NOT happy. Super.)
People? How hard is a cocktail dress? These people are seriously making some strange looking dresses – and not many would be appropriate for cocktails at the DCC. Right?
Suede is still referring to himself in the 3rd person which means he needs to go home or start therapy now because he's making my brain hurt, and 3 of the designers have the same brown satin fabric. Eco Satin. That should pucker nicely!
Tim Gunn is cracking me up – he thought a designers dress was inside out when it wasn’t. He referred to it as a “hot mess”. Ha Ha Ha.
Tanboi is all “licious” this and “licious” that. He’s making me Bitterlicious, I can tell you that.
No! Daniel is NOT going to finish. Bummer, because I want three of them to go home before him (Stella, TanBoi, and Suede). Plus, I like Daniel.
Wesley's dress is all puckered and hideous and will most likely get him auffed.
OK, time for the judging. Natalie Portman is the guest judge. (Squee, LOVE her!) Here is my take on the dresses as they come down the runway:
Keith: cute, bouncy on the bottom.
Terri: blue, pretty, classy
Wesley: No….no….NO!
Jerrell: Sexy and young? Nope. It’s just OK.
Jennifer: not a good dress. Floaty.
Daniel: little black dress. Finally! And its finished!
Joe: pretty brown dress. Nothing over the top.
Suede: Crap! I like the dress. Hate to say it. Suede may win.
Kenley: Couture. Very couture.
Kelli: a pretty dress.
Leanne: Uh, well…. ummmm, what is it?
Stella: I’m not a fan of asymmetrical. I don’t like it.
TanBoi: Hot pink and black together will never be anything but ugly.
Emily: WAY too short. Cute top though.
Korto: really does look inside out.
So, Keith, Terri, Jerrell, Jennifer, Daniel, Joe, Kelli, Blaine and Emily are all safe this week.
The three best are Kenley, Stella, and Suede. (Stella? Sheesh.)
Kenley’s frock: Nina likes the collar. Natalie likes it, Michael thinks it’s chic.
Kenley is stressed out over the fabrics picturing trying to make a cocktail dress out of hemp or something. Wesley is whining over his models choices, unfortunately I think Suede likes what his model picked out. Please let me mention again that Stella is so ugly! What a shock that she has “no strategy” and “this is not what I do.” Seems to be her mantra so far.
(Oops, Project Runway is tivo-ing over Ghost Hunters downstairs. Darling Husband is NOT happy. Super.)
People? How hard is a cocktail dress? These people are seriously making some strange looking dresses – and not many would be appropriate for cocktails at the DCC. Right?
Suede is still referring to himself in the 3rd person which means he needs to go home or start therapy now because he's making my brain hurt, and 3 of the designers have the same brown satin fabric. Eco Satin. That should pucker nicely!
Tim Gunn is cracking me up – he thought a designers dress was inside out when it wasn’t. He referred to it as a “hot mess”. Ha Ha Ha.
Tanboi is all “licious” this and “licious” that. He’s making me Bitterlicious, I can tell you that.
No! Daniel is NOT going to finish. Bummer, because I want three of them to go home before him (Stella, TanBoi, and Suede). Plus, I like Daniel.
Wesley's dress is all puckered and hideous and will most likely get him auffed.
OK, time for the judging. Natalie Portman is the guest judge. (Squee, LOVE her!) Here is my take on the dresses as they come down the runway:
Keith: cute, bouncy on the bottom.
Terri: blue, pretty, classy
Wesley: No….no….NO!
Jerrell: Sexy and young? Nope. It’s just OK.
Jennifer: not a good dress. Floaty.
Daniel: little black dress. Finally! And its finished!
Joe: pretty brown dress. Nothing over the top.
Suede: Crap! I like the dress. Hate to say it. Suede may win.
Kenley: Couture. Very couture.
Kelli: a pretty dress.
Leanne: Uh, well…. ummmm, what is it?
Stella: I’m not a fan of asymmetrical. I don’t like it.
TanBoi: Hot pink and black together will never be anything but ugly.
Emily: WAY too short. Cute top though.
Korto: really does look inside out.
So, Keith, Terri, Jerrell, Jennifer, Daniel, Joe, Kelli, Blaine and Emily are all safe this week.
The three best are Kenley, Stella, and Suede. (Stella? Sheesh.)
Kenley’s frock: Nina likes the collar. Natalie likes it, Michael thinks it’s chic.
Stella’s frock: Michael likes the lacing, Natalie thinks the fit is good. Nina gives her a “much improved.”
Suede’s frock: Natalie would wear it, thinks it is sweet and flirty. Nina likes it very much; Michael said he likes that Suede made the satin work.The 3 worst are Wesley, Korto, and LeeAnn.
Wesley’s frock: Natalie likes bow tie, Heidi gives low score. Michael thinks it is crazy short. Nina said shiny, tight and short is the quickest way to look cheap. (ouch.)
Wesley’s frock: Natalie likes bow tie, Heidi gives low score. Michael thinks it is crazy short. Nina said shiny, tight and short is the quickest way to look cheap. (ouch.) 
Korto: Natalie thinks dress looks inside out. Nina said hem is off balance, and Michael said that curvy girls don’t want fins off their butt. (I have to agree this point.)
Leanne: Natalie said it looks like peter pan. Michael can find nothing nice to say. Nina said it’s all over the place.I think either Wesley or Leanne is going home. And that Suede will win. (as much as that kills me) Lets see!!
Winner: Suede. I still hate him, but now he’s back for two more weeks because of immunity. Lovely.
Winner: Suede. I still hate him, but now he’s back for two more weeks because of immunity. Lovely.
Auffed: Wesley is OUT bitches! He had no personality anyway.
You know, there are still WAY too many people on this show. This week I have no favorites. I find I cannot really get in to the snark until we're down to at about 6 or 7 people. Until then? Simple mocking must suffice.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Wordless Wednesday
Who on earth thought Red, White & MOO was a cute catchphrase? Regardless, we'll attend. Kids need to grow up on county fairs, community swimming pools, etc., and since mine won't be attending too many church picnics we must "small town" it when the opportunity arises.
Monday, July 21, 2008
We're BAAACCCKKKK!
We're showered, we're excited about sleeping in our own beds tonight, we're not having to do a "tick check" which thrills us... we're glad to be home.
We'll catch up later.
We'll catch up later.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Off on the annual camping trip...
...and we're off!! Back on Monday. It's a long weekend of fishing, hiking, and probably itching and scratching.
DD2 and I will be sure to take lots of photos on the trip. (She wants to be a photographer now. She'll be using my old digital camera and we'll see what she comes up with. Perhaps she'll be a child photo prodigy!)
Talk to you next week.
DD2 and I will be sure to take lots of photos on the trip. (She wants to be a photographer now. She'll be using my old digital camera and we'll see what she comes up with. Perhaps she'll be a child photo prodigy!)
Talk to you next week.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
My favorite reality TV show is back!!!
You may have felt the shift in the universe last night at 7pm MST? That’s because the new season of Project Runway started last night and since it’s my favorite show I’m going to blog about it this season. (Even my kids like this show – I have to get a season pass on Tivo so they can catch up the next day! How “squee” is that??) I’m actually going to write these updates in real time, as the show happens… we’ll see how that works.
OK, so this is the first episode and we get to meet all the new designers as they get to their pads at the New Gotham Apartments. Here are my first impressions:
Jerrell. Fun, young, semi professional designer. Name drops, so probably not as successful as he’d like us to believe.
Blaine. From Seattle. Already my least favorite character and he’s only the second one to show up. Thinks everything is “girlicious”. Dude? “Girlicious” is NOT the new “Fierce”.
Joe. He’s straight. He’ll make it halfway through.
Stella. Tough rocker chick, designs with leather. Looks like a meth head. Not impressed.
Jennifer. Lives in Italy. Looks like a librarian, has bad glasses. Will be surprised if she is any good – but I like her. She seems nice. Maybe too nice?
Kelli. From Ohio. Is Ohio big design capital?
Terri. No first impression… seems OK.
Jerry. Professional designer, self important. Wonder if he can bring it?
Suede. From NYC, has done denim designs for other designers. Refers to self in 3rd person. Want him gone like now.
Keith. Is a self taught designer. Usually those people can’t sew very well.
Korto. From Arkansas. (Design mecca in mid-west somewhere I’m not familiar with?) Seems pretty cool.
Kenley. This girl looks like a retro glam version of Selma Blaire. Probably has a pink porcelain bathroom at home.
Leanne. From Portland. No impression
Emily. Is she naïve, or just strange?
Daniel. Maybe quirky, something there.
Wesley. Has worked for Marc Jacobs. This guy is really geeky.
We’ve met the designers, so now its up to the roof for champagne with Heidi and Tim. Tim remarks that they are the most diverse group of designers ever. (Does this mean they are all weird?)
The first challenge is actually a repeat of the grocery store challenge from season one. Hmmm, running out of ideas? Each designer has $75 and 30 minutes in store to find materials. They will have until midnight that night to complete the challenge.
Jerry is going to make a raincoat out of a shower curtain. Sounds cute. Someone has already mocked Tim Gunn with a “make it work”. Turns out Blaine is even more annoying that my first impression of him… I hate him and want him to go home today. He is REALLY impressed with himself – and the louder they talk about how great they are the higher the chance that their work will suck. Lots of people seem to be grabbing plastic or paper tablecloths to use. Good idea, unless EVERYONE is doing it – then the judges will be annoyed at lack of ingenuity.
Back at the studio Daniel is making a dress out of blue plastic cups. Pretty cool, he is cutting them up and then melting them with an iron so he can shape them around a muslin dress he has pinned to his mannequin. Clever! Kelli is doing ugly/pretty arts and crafts paper dress. I hope she’s not going to be this season’s resident weird artist. Suede? Is really not creative, and is one of the plastic tablecloth people. Ha ha ha ha! Still referring to himself in the third person. Obviously mentally unstable. Korto has a big old yellow drapey garment going on. Ugly so far. Keith is another table cloth dress, as is Jennifer – so Jennifer is covering hers with candy. Could be genius, could be disaster. OK, Stella? IS A DISASTER. She wanted to make some “rocker” pants out of shiny black garbage bags, but got the wrong kind of garbage bags and has NOTHING done by the end of the evening. Sometimes people win when they don’t have any good ideas and then throw something together at literally the very last minute. I sincerely hope this does not happen. Jerry’s potentially cute raincoat? So ugly. It should have been the best one out there… such a good idea gone so wrong. (And he’s the professional in the group.)
Every season the designers get even better. Will this season disappoint? My top 6 so far are:
Jennifer
Daniel
Joe
Kenley
Kelli
Keith
Auf’d: Jerry. The raincoat was just strange.
Winner is: Kelli! They liked the artsy-craftsy attention to detail. It did turn out better than I thought it would.
OK, so this is the first episode and we get to meet all the new designers as they get to their pads at the New Gotham Apartments. Here are my first impressions:
Jerrell. Fun, young, semi professional designer. Name drops, so probably not as successful as he’d like us to believe.
Blaine. From Seattle. Already my least favorite character and he’s only the second one to show up. Thinks everything is “girlicious”. Dude? “Girlicious” is NOT the new “Fierce”.
Joe. He’s straight. He’ll make it halfway through.
Stella. Tough rocker chick, designs with leather. Looks like a meth head. Not impressed.
Jennifer. Lives in Italy. Looks like a librarian, has bad glasses. Will be surprised if she is any good – but I like her. She seems nice. Maybe too nice?
Kelli. From Ohio. Is Ohio big design capital?
Terri. No first impression… seems OK.
Jerry. Professional designer, self important. Wonder if he can bring it?
Suede. From NYC, has done denim designs for other designers. Refers to self in 3rd person. Want him gone like now.
Keith. Is a self taught designer. Usually those people can’t sew very well.
Korto. From Arkansas. (Design mecca in mid-west somewhere I’m not familiar with?) Seems pretty cool.
Kenley. This girl looks like a retro glam version of Selma Blaire. Probably has a pink porcelain bathroom at home.
Leanne. From Portland. No impression
Emily. Is she naïve, or just strange?
Daniel. Maybe quirky, something there.
Wesley. Has worked for Marc Jacobs. This guy is really geeky.
We’ve met the designers, so now its up to the roof for champagne with Heidi and Tim. Tim remarks that they are the most diverse group of designers ever. (Does this mean they are all weird?)
The first challenge is actually a repeat of the grocery store challenge from season one. Hmmm, running out of ideas? Each designer has $75 and 30 minutes in store to find materials. They will have until midnight that night to complete the challenge.
Jerry is going to make a raincoat out of a shower curtain. Sounds cute. Someone has already mocked Tim Gunn with a “make it work”. Turns out Blaine is even more annoying that my first impression of him… I hate him and want him to go home today. He is REALLY impressed with himself – and the louder they talk about how great they are the higher the chance that their work will suck. Lots of people seem to be grabbing plastic or paper tablecloths to use. Good idea, unless EVERYONE is doing it – then the judges will be annoyed at lack of ingenuity.
Back at the studio Daniel is making a dress out of blue plastic cups. Pretty cool, he is cutting them up and then melting them with an iron so he can shape them around a muslin dress he has pinned to his mannequin. Clever! Kelli is doing ugly/pretty arts and crafts paper dress. I hope she’s not going to be this season’s resident weird artist. Suede? Is really not creative, and is one of the plastic tablecloth people. Ha ha ha ha! Still referring to himself in the third person. Obviously mentally unstable. Korto has a big old yellow drapey garment going on. Ugly so far. Keith is another table cloth dress, as is Jennifer – so Jennifer is covering hers with candy. Could be genius, could be disaster. OK, Stella? IS A DISASTER. She wanted to make some “rocker” pants out of shiny black garbage bags, but got the wrong kind of garbage bags and has NOTHING done by the end of the evening. Sometimes people win when they don’t have any good ideas and then throw something together at literally the very last minute. I sincerely hope this does not happen. Jerry’s potentially cute raincoat? So ugly. It should have been the best one out there… such a good idea gone so wrong. (And he’s the professional in the group.)
Every season the designers get even better. Will this season disappoint? My top 6 so far are:
Jennifer
Daniel
Joe
Kenley
Kelli
Keith
Auf’d: Jerry. The raincoat was just strange.
Should have been Stella who was auf'd, her garbage bag dress was truly bad. Can you believe this piece of crap didn't lose?
Winner is: Kelli! They liked the artsy-craftsy attention to detail. It did turn out better than I thought it would.
Oh, and this was what that stupid Blaine made. How many different words are there for ugly? Doesn't it look like she's wearing a diaper?
Thursday, July 10, 2008
2008: The Spring of our Vanishing Sanity
My children have a serious mental illness. I feel that it is time to bring this out in to the light – as to look at my children you wouldn’t guess of the disturbing problems lurking just below the surface.
First, some history:
My children love toys. All kinds of toys – mostly of the doll and accessory persuasion. This includes Polly Pockets, Little Ponies, Board Games, Puzzles, Dress Up Clothes, Play Jewelry, any form of small plastiform figurine that enables fanciful play. How they play with these things is a bit different.
DD1 will play with Littlest Pet Shop, or Polly Pockets, or Barbies. While sometimes the Barbie’s take the Littlest Pets out for walks, usually the doll-like toys keep to themselves. Board games are her weakness. She CANNOT leave the pieces to a board game alone. Especially the figures one might use to move around the board. She’s drawn to pieces of board games like a magpie to anything shiny.
DD2? Hers is a mix-and-match world, a theme that permeates from her wardrobe to her diversions. She is a veritable blender. A few of the Polly’s might invite two or three kids from Little Einstein to an outside chalk drawing festival… and bring some Littlest Pets, tangled plastic jewelry, and stickers along to add to the fun! She is a girl that needs a little variety for her imagination to kick in. She not only likes pieces and cards from board games, but loves to carry around 3 stray puzzle pieces at any given time.
The thing my children do have in common regarding the toys? I’m sad to say but they both have Compulsive Dissociative Relocation Disorder. (CDRD) I know. It’s shocking. Their constant obsessive need to relocate pieces of toy groupings, board games, and puzzles pieces to different areas of the house is difficult to live with. On top of that, they also suffer from a subset complication of this disorder known as Depository Impulse Control Difficulty. (So that we’re clear: now we’re up to CDRD w/ Inclusionary DICD) Here is how the illness manifests itself. Not only do they relocate small and various pieces of every single toy set, board game, or puzzle to different parts of the house… they then unconsciously stuff these pieces in whatever backpacks, fuzzy play purses, pockets, boxes, drawers, etc. that might be available. And then relocate them again so that there is now stuff hidden everywhere.
I have lost my temper on more than one occasion. When sitting down to play a game of Mystery Date / High School Musical Version we might open the box and only find SharPei in there. No Gabriella or the other two girls from the cast they threw in so that a family of 4 could play. This causes my blood to boil. Everyone knows that I am ALWAYS Gabriella during Mystery Date! Where in the world is she? (Oh, right! She’s by the computer so DD2 didn’t get lonely during Phonics. Silly me!)
What brings me to this shocking revelation (about my daughters, not my love of Mystery Date) is that, after not paying attention to the household chores for a few months, I was finding Polly shoes, Pony accessories, Barbie shawls, bracelets, rings, key chains, etc. everywhere I went. Open my nightstand drawer and find the cat belonging to the American Girl, go to the bathroom cabinet for a roll of toilet paper and find Austin of the Backyardigans hanging with Woody the Disney cowboy. (I make no judgments, btw.) While folding the laundry, that has already been washed and dried, having ONE plastic clip-on earring fall out of the pocket of someone’s jeans. (I stop for a moment of prayer that the other one isn’t melted to the back of the pair of khakis which Husband is presently wearing at work.) It was ruining our lives, as mental illness often does.
I had to take control. With the help of the children (well, DD1 helped. DD2 sang songs and got in the way), we took every single toy in this house to the Grand Ballroom. (I don’t really have a ballroom – but I insist on calling it that because the lack of living room and dining room furniture could make a girl feel inferior if she’s not careful.) We FILLED the Ballroom. Then? We started to sort. We set up bins, and as we emptied out anything that could be used to store any small item, we tossed them in to bins.
Can I tell you that my greatest victory was that I found EVERY LAST TINY CHERRY to the HiHoCherryOh game? (All 40 Cherries are in their re-discovered small plastic buckets.) That is a feeling I won’t soon forget! I can’t guarantee all the Polly’s shoes have a match, but I wasn’t willing to empty the vacuum bag to find them, and really? DD2 prefers mix and match. Barbie’s stuff is all together in one carrier. Polly’s world is all contained in one big blue bin. All the plastic pretend cell phones are in one box. All the Littlest Ponies are corralled. The Kelly Dolls and their thousands of tiny accessories are sleeping under the same roof tonight in their dollhouse thanks to our hard work. And? I can play Mystery Date with my children with a smile on my face because we located every single piece and card to that game. Even Candy Land is complete – and I wasn’t sure we’d EVER find that Queen Frostine card again. (It is one of DD2’s favorites.)
DD2 decided that she has outgrown all things Dora – and that in itself had to be over 500 pieces of hard plastic that I no longer have to step on as I walk through the house. The Care Bears are also retired – but not the stuffed ones. Don't even suggest we give up a stuffed animal. (However, stuffies don’t relocate quite so easily, so I’m actually all right with that decision. Baby Steps.) I’m glad that I won’t ever again look over at the roll of TP and see two-inch tall plastic Funshine Bear waving at me and wishing me well in my endeavors.
Bad news is, until they hold a telethon and find a cure for “Dodi’s Kids”, I’m stuck with two children who have CDRD w/ Inclusionary DICD. A Plastipsychosocially unacceptable disability that carries much stigma and discrimination.
So when you visit? Be kind. Living with mental illness is a curse… and every day I don’t find stickers stuck to my clean laundry and hair ribbons stuffed in toothpaste tubes is a small victory. God forbid it ever get as bad as it did in Spring 2008: The Spring of our Vanishing Sanity here on Lisbon Court. (Our sanity was found, however, in a pink faux-croc handbag in the dress up clothes box.)
First, some history:
My children love toys. All kinds of toys – mostly of the doll and accessory persuasion. This includes Polly Pockets, Little Ponies, Board Games, Puzzles, Dress Up Clothes, Play Jewelry, any form of small plastiform figurine that enables fanciful play. How they play with these things is a bit different.
DD1 will play with Littlest Pet Shop, or Polly Pockets, or Barbies. While sometimes the Barbie’s take the Littlest Pets out for walks, usually the doll-like toys keep to themselves. Board games are her weakness. She CANNOT leave the pieces to a board game alone. Especially the figures one might use to move around the board. She’s drawn to pieces of board games like a magpie to anything shiny.
DD2? Hers is a mix-and-match world, a theme that permeates from her wardrobe to her diversions. She is a veritable blender. A few of the Polly’s might invite two or three kids from Little Einstein to an outside chalk drawing festival… and bring some Littlest Pets, tangled plastic jewelry, and stickers along to add to the fun! She is a girl that needs a little variety for her imagination to kick in. She not only likes pieces and cards from board games, but loves to carry around 3 stray puzzle pieces at any given time.
The thing my children do have in common regarding the toys? I’m sad to say but they both have Compulsive Dissociative Relocation Disorder. (CDRD) I know. It’s shocking. Their constant obsessive need to relocate pieces of toy groupings, board games, and puzzles pieces to different areas of the house is difficult to live with. On top of that, they also suffer from a subset complication of this disorder known as Depository Impulse Control Difficulty. (So that we’re clear: now we’re up to CDRD w/ Inclusionary DICD) Here is how the illness manifests itself. Not only do they relocate small and various pieces of every single toy set, board game, or puzzle to different parts of the house… they then unconsciously stuff these pieces in whatever backpacks, fuzzy play purses, pockets, boxes, drawers, etc. that might be available. And then relocate them again so that there is now stuff hidden everywhere.
I have lost my temper on more than one occasion. When sitting down to play a game of Mystery Date / High School Musical Version we might open the box and only find SharPei in there. No Gabriella or the other two girls from the cast they threw in so that a family of 4 could play. This causes my blood to boil. Everyone knows that I am ALWAYS Gabriella during Mystery Date! Where in the world is she? (Oh, right! She’s by the computer so DD2 didn’t get lonely during Phonics. Silly me!)
What brings me to this shocking revelation (about my daughters, not my love of Mystery Date) is that, after not paying attention to the household chores for a few months, I was finding Polly shoes, Pony accessories, Barbie shawls, bracelets, rings, key chains, etc. everywhere I went. Open my nightstand drawer and find the cat belonging to the American Girl, go to the bathroom cabinet for a roll of toilet paper and find Austin of the Backyardigans hanging with Woody the Disney cowboy. (I make no judgments, btw.) While folding the laundry, that has already been washed and dried, having ONE plastic clip-on earring fall out of the pocket of someone’s jeans. (I stop for a moment of prayer that the other one isn’t melted to the back of the pair of khakis which Husband is presently wearing at work.) It was ruining our lives, as mental illness often does.
I had to take control. With the help of the children (well, DD1 helped. DD2 sang songs and got in the way), we took every single toy in this house to the Grand Ballroom. (I don’t really have a ballroom – but I insist on calling it that because the lack of living room and dining room furniture could make a girl feel inferior if she’s not careful.) We FILLED the Ballroom. Then? We started to sort. We set up bins, and as we emptied out anything that could be used to store any small item, we tossed them in to bins.
Can I tell you that my greatest victory was that I found EVERY LAST TINY CHERRY to the HiHoCherryOh game? (All 40 Cherries are in their re-discovered small plastic buckets.) That is a feeling I won’t soon forget! I can’t guarantee all the Polly’s shoes have a match, but I wasn’t willing to empty the vacuum bag to find them, and really? DD2 prefers mix and match. Barbie’s stuff is all together in one carrier. Polly’s world is all contained in one big blue bin. All the plastic pretend cell phones are in one box. All the Littlest Ponies are corralled. The Kelly Dolls and their thousands of tiny accessories are sleeping under the same roof tonight in their dollhouse thanks to our hard work. And? I can play Mystery Date with my children with a smile on my face because we located every single piece and card to that game. Even Candy Land is complete – and I wasn’t sure we’d EVER find that Queen Frostine card again. (It is one of DD2’s favorites.)
DD2 decided that she has outgrown all things Dora – and that in itself had to be over 500 pieces of hard plastic that I no longer have to step on as I walk through the house. The Care Bears are also retired – but not the stuffed ones. Don't even suggest we give up a stuffed animal. (However, stuffies don’t relocate quite so easily, so I’m actually all right with that decision. Baby Steps.) I’m glad that I won’t ever again look over at the roll of TP and see two-inch tall plastic Funshine Bear waving at me and wishing me well in my endeavors.
Bad news is, until they hold a telethon and find a cure for “Dodi’s Kids”, I’m stuck with two children who have CDRD w/ Inclusionary DICD. A Plastipsychosocially unacceptable disability that carries much stigma and discrimination.
So when you visit? Be kind. Living with mental illness is a curse… and every day I don’t find stickers stuck to my clean laundry and hair ribbons stuffed in toothpaste tubes is a small victory. God forbid it ever get as bad as it did in Spring 2008: The Spring of our Vanishing Sanity here on Lisbon Court. (Our sanity was found, however, in a pink faux-croc handbag in the dress up clothes box.)
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
A facelift for the blog
I needed a change. My blog was boring, and it was time.
Hope you like the change... now I feel like I can update the new style whenever I want and mix it up.
Hope you like the change... now I feel like I can update the new style whenever I want and mix it up.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
What I'm feeling today (second edition)
I miss her. God, I miss her. I so wish she were still here.
I don’t cry every day anymore, but when I do cry it’s for hours at a time and it’s draining. I never know when it will hit or what will bring it on – yesterday it was because I thought about the fact that the tomatoes at my dad’s will be turning red soon, and fresh tomatoes were one of the things she loved about summer. She won’t be here to enjoy them with dad.
Their 59th wedding anniversary would have been last week (and let me tell you that my father was breaking my heart, as he misses her tremendously), and her birthday is coming up next week. The “year of firsts” is supposed to be the hardest, and we’ve been hit with some pretty big “firsts” in the time she’s been gone. Mother’s Day. Father’s Day. The girls' dance recital. Their anniversary. Husband and my 10th anniversary. Now her birthday is right around the corner. (Memorial Day and the 4th were in there too… but those aren’t something I usually associate with my parents. I think I stopped spending those holidays with them in college.)
Somehow I don’t imagine that it just sucks the first year. Her presence in this world was a strong one – sometimes too strong for me!! I fear I will always feel her missing.
She has been gone 10 weeks today.
It hurts like it was yesterday, but it feels like she’s been gone for so much longer. While some days now I start out strong, most days I still have a hard time managing even the smallest tasks to completion. My house is a disaster area, and my husband is a saint! He’s been holding our family together, really, since I was feeling so sick in February. He says that he is totally OK with this, and that he knows he’ll be holding things together for a while. I’m starting to feel pressure (from myself) that it’s time to pull myself together, but then I get anxiety from the pressure and it’s harder still to keep going. I try to push these feelings to the side and let myself deal with this slowly but I’m still overwhelmed a lot of the time. I try to remind myself that the housework will wait, the dust bunnies will breed, the weeds will flourish, and I will heal. Someday.
Because someday? It won’t be such a shock that she isn’t here anymore. (Yep, still "Stage I" of grieving.) It’s still a shock when I think about it. It isn’t something I’m “coming to terms with”, or “quietly accepting” yet. I’m sure I will miss her forever, but I’m looking forward to the day when it’s not as painful. When it’s not such a fresh wound on my soul. At the same time I hate the fact that someday it will be normal that my mother has died. I’m not interested in that being my new “normal”. That is the part I hate perhaps most of all.
I don’t cry every day anymore, but when I do cry it’s for hours at a time and it’s draining. I never know when it will hit or what will bring it on – yesterday it was because I thought about the fact that the tomatoes at my dad’s will be turning red soon, and fresh tomatoes were one of the things she loved about summer. She won’t be here to enjoy them with dad.
Their 59th wedding anniversary would have been last week (and let me tell you that my father was breaking my heart, as he misses her tremendously), and her birthday is coming up next week. The “year of firsts” is supposed to be the hardest, and we’ve been hit with some pretty big “firsts” in the time she’s been gone. Mother’s Day. Father’s Day. The girls' dance recital. Their anniversary. Husband and my 10th anniversary. Now her birthday is right around the corner. (Memorial Day and the 4th were in there too… but those aren’t something I usually associate with my parents. I think I stopped spending those holidays with them in college.)
Somehow I don’t imagine that it just sucks the first year. Her presence in this world was a strong one – sometimes too strong for me!! I fear I will always feel her missing.
She has been gone 10 weeks today.
It hurts like it was yesterday, but it feels like she’s been gone for so much longer. While some days now I start out strong, most days I still have a hard time managing even the smallest tasks to completion. My house is a disaster area, and my husband is a saint! He’s been holding our family together, really, since I was feeling so sick in February. He says that he is totally OK with this, and that he knows he’ll be holding things together for a while. I’m starting to feel pressure (from myself) that it’s time to pull myself together, but then I get anxiety from the pressure and it’s harder still to keep going. I try to push these feelings to the side and let myself deal with this slowly but I’m still overwhelmed a lot of the time. I try to remind myself that the housework will wait, the dust bunnies will breed, the weeds will flourish, and I will heal. Someday.
Because someday? It won’t be such a shock that she isn’t here anymore. (Yep, still "Stage I" of grieving.) It’s still a shock when I think about it. It isn’t something I’m “coming to terms with”, or “quietly accepting” yet. I’m sure I will miss her forever, but I’m looking forward to the day when it’s not as painful. When it’s not such a fresh wound on my soul. At the same time I hate the fact that someday it will be normal that my mother has died. I’m not interested in that being my new “normal”. That is the part I hate perhaps most of all.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Monday, June 30, 2008
Happiness is a warm puppy. ~Charles M. Schulz
“Without treatment? 4 to 6 months, on the outside.”
These are the words the veterinarian said to my husband last week.
These are the words the veterinarian said to my husband last week.
Recently we found out that our dog, Bo, has a sarcoma growth near his shoulder blade. (Front, right leg) Bo is approximately 10 years old. They immediately put him on pain medication and a pretty strong anti inflammatory, since he had gone lame the day before. They did x-rays, blood tests, urine tests… and now we can’t go any farther unless we want to get a cat scan and surgical biopsy combination. Which would cost us in excess of $1200. BEFORE the cost of treatment once they found out what kind of cancer we are dealing with. On top of the several hundred we spent the other day on the initial testing.
Best-case scenario if we have the additional testing and treatments? 8-10 months of good life for our darling boxer after he spends 4-6 months recovering from an amputation of his front leg from the shoulder down, and follow up chemo treatments.
We aren’t going to treat his cancer. He is an old baby, and we are going to spend the next couple of months loving him, spoiling him, and thanking God for bringing this very special soul in to our family for the 3+ years that we have had him. It wasn’t long enough, but with a pup as special as he is it never would be long enough. We are Bo’s third home – and how anyone ever gave away a dog this sweet is beyond me. The day we met him it was love at first sight... and we promised Boxer Rescue that we would be his Forever Home. We have been through his adjustment to being part of our family, major surgery for mast cell tumors, and now this. I hate that treatment isn’t really an option – but Husband and I talked about it and even if we had unlimited funds at our disposal we cannot see putting him through the surgery and treatments especially since they estimate that the cancer would return within 18 months anyway.
We will give him the pain medication that the doctors have prescribed, watch him closely and when it is time we will lovingly let him go. We will treasure him in our hearts forever, he has given us love that we would have been incomplete without.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
The fun of daughters...
My daughters are in dance. In this year's recital DD2 will be doing tap, and DD1 will be doing hip-hop. Dress rehearsal was yesterday.
Here is DD2, who has the true heart of a dancer, and would go to dance class every other day if you'd let her.
And here is DD1, who's face in this picture looks so much like my mom it hurts.
Dress rehearsal was so much fun - and I have video that I'll post this weekend. They both did great!
For more pictures you can click HERE.
Here is DD2, who has the true heart of a dancer, and would go to dance class every other day if you'd let her.
And here is DD1, who's face in this picture looks so much like my mom it hurts.
Dress rehearsal was so much fun - and I have video that I'll post this weekend. They both did great!
For more pictures you can click HERE.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Jen Lancaster
Last night was so much fun! I saw one of my very favorite authors, Jen Lancaster, at the Tattered Cover.
Jen is exactly how you would want her to be: funny, warm, down to earth, and snarky without being bitchy. She told hilarious stories, and read from one of the funniest chapters in her new book, “Such a Pretty Fat”. She even did the eye roll when asked about her mother – and you can tell she loves the woman but that her mom stands on her very last nerve. Often.
One of the funniest things about Jen is that she talks exactly like she writes, footnotes and all. It was interesting to watch her, as she is so comfortable with the audience. The audience loved her - - but of course we did. We feel like she is a friend of ours. We’ve been with her through some of her hardest times, laughed with her (and, lets be honest, AT her) during the ridiculous, and we understand “The Fletcher Factor.” (Her fans were begging for more Fletch stories… my favorite being in her second book – the best of her three books IMO – where he chases the coyote and Jen muses about Fletch having lost his mind.)
When I went up to get my books signed, I told her my name and she remembered me from a few emails we have exchanged. A line from one of her emails to me ended up in her new book, and I was amazed that she remembered it was I on the other end of the email. I have to admit, I was a bit star struck – which surprised me. I had a hard time thinking of anything intelligent to say to her once it was my turn, and mostly just smiled and nodded my head I think. (The only other time that happened to me? When I met the Duchess of York at a Weight Watchers meeting. So! Damn! Exciting!) I’m sure I came off as some sort of creepy stalker fan, but I swear I’m not. I would have stuck around to see if she ended early and had time for extra chat time with her fans, but was sure that if she didn’t think I was stalking her before, that would turn the corner for her - and by the size of the crowd I didn’t think there would be any time left over.
Jen is exactly how you would want her to be: funny, warm, down to earth, and snarky without being bitchy. She told hilarious stories, and read from one of the funniest chapters in her new book, “Such a Pretty Fat”. She even did the eye roll when asked about her mother – and you can tell she loves the woman but that her mom stands on her very last nerve. Often.
One of the funniest things about Jen is that she talks exactly like she writes, footnotes and all. It was interesting to watch her, as she is so comfortable with the audience. The audience loved her - - but of course we did. We feel like she is a friend of ours. We’ve been with her through some of her hardest times, laughed with her (and, lets be honest, AT her) during the ridiculous, and we understand “The Fletcher Factor.” (Her fans were begging for more Fletch stories… my favorite being in her second book – the best of her three books IMO – where he chases the coyote and Jen muses about Fletch having lost his mind.)
When I went up to get my books signed, I told her my name and she remembered me from a few emails we have exchanged. A line from one of her emails to me ended up in her new book, and I was amazed that she remembered it was I on the other end of the email. I have to admit, I was a bit star struck – which surprised me. I had a hard time thinking of anything intelligent to say to her once it was my turn, and mostly just smiled and nodded my head I think. (The only other time that happened to me? When I met the Duchess of York at a Weight Watchers meeting. So! Damn! Exciting!) I’m sure I came off as some sort of creepy stalker fan, but I swear I’m not. I would have stuck around to see if she ended early and had time for extra chat time with her fans, but was sure that if she didn’t think I was stalking her before, that would turn the corner for her - and by the size of the crowd I didn’t think there would be any time left over.
I do hope that next time she visits Denver she can stay a bit longer. It would be fun to have her meet with fans away from the confines of the bookstore – so that we could all order the “Drink of 2008” with her and she could prove to us that it doesn’t actually have lawn clippings in it! I know that when she comes back to promote her “Pretty in Plaid” book (#4, which she is currently writing) I’ll be in the front row again.
Oh, and Jen? I would have never suspected the tattoo!
FYI
OK, here is the deal: it's not pronounced "Dottie".
"Dodi"? Rhymes with Jody. Just like the Dodi that was with Princess Di in Paris.
Now, if I could just get all the parents at DD's school to read my blog...
"Dodi"? Rhymes with Jody. Just like the Dodi that was with Princess Di in Paris.
Now, if I could just get all the parents at DD's school to read my blog...
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Monday, June 16, 2008
God gave us memories that we might have roses in December. ~J.M. Barrie, Courage, 1922
This post is mostly for me. Sometimes I am afraid that I will forget things about my mom… even though right now it seems impossible that it would happen. The thing is, more than one person has told me to remember things often or the memories slip away. Like memories of my babies – who were babies not even all that long ago and I look back on pictures and have forgotten so many dear things about them.
There is the general bio stuff about my mom: born in 1926, third of five children… married my dad in 1949, Registered Nurse, mother to six children, grandmother to 10, great-grandmother to two.
Then there is the stuff I remember. Who she was to me…
When my mom went out with my dad on dates she wore Norell perfume. To this day if I smell this perfume in the store it takes me right back being a child, sitting on her bed and watching her get ready to go out.
My mom was a horrible decision maker, and as I write this I have a smile on my face. She never ordered a meal in a restaurant without finding out what everyone else was having first. “Decision making” for my mom consisted of finding out what others were doing, and doing the exact same thing. Music Lesson teachers, Orthodontists, etc. were chosen in this manner. She had always wanted the living room to be a green color but hemmed and hawed about the right color of green for so long that my dad finally went and bought some green paint. He picked a pastel shade of apple green, and the entire room (walls, ceiling, trim, door) was painted this color. She HATED it, and they went back to eggshell a couple of years later. The next time someone decided on a color that wasn’t eggshell for that room was when I finally picked a light gray/blue color for them to paint it in the early 90’s. It is still that same blue today.
My mom was funny. Some of my most fond memories of her are the two of us sitting up late at night at the kitchen table making each other laugh.
My mom loved gossip. (Hmmmm, guess I come by that naturally enough!) She loved to hear “the news”, juicy gossip, fun gossip, the good and the appalling – she loved it all.
My mom was an alcoholic for a good part of my childhood, and she went in to recovery when I was in high school. For a long time her alcoholism made her a very sick woman, and sometimes it was hard to love her.
My mom and I would stay up together in the family room to watch late night reruns of WKRP in Cincinnati and howl with laughter.
My mom hated her wrinkles. As a lifetime smoker (I don’t remember exactly it was when she stopped… I suppose some time in my late twenties? Early thirties?) she had that drooping skin that smokers develop which, coupled with her bout of polio in early adulthood that had taken some of her muscle tone along with it, resulted in her having deep wrinkles for as long as I can remember. I don’t remember my mother ever having an unlined face. I think she would have liked a face-lift, but being a child of the depression she would have never considered spending that kind of money on her own personal desires.
My mom loved Harry Potter, and awaited the newest releases with the joy of a child. I would make sure they were on pre-order for her so she could receive them the day they came out – because even if she was already in the middle of another book she liked having the newest Harry Potter waiting in the wings. One time we were out and bought some of the Bernie Botts Every Flavor Beans, and she tried every single different flavor. We marveled at “how does someone go about making the flavor of dirt?” “Who would the test group for that one be?” “2 year old boys?”
My mom wore a pink dress to our wedding. She looked beautiful that day.
My mom was a “slapper”. If you spoke back to her or made her mad? Her right hand slapped you across the face so fast it was a surprise. Every. Single. Time.
She could keep certain secrets. If you said, “Please… don’t tell dad,” she didn’t. You had to make it right with her and take your punishment – but she wouldn’t betray you.
Mom mispronounced potassium every time she said it. It drove me crazy.
She made sure you always had your favorite meal on your birthday. One year I picked LibbyLand TV Dinners. (I’m sure I chose either Pirate Picnic or Safari Supper) I think after I went to bed that night the rest of my family finished the entire heart shaped, cherry chip birthday cake because they were still so hungry – but she made them all go along with my 5 year old wishes that evening.
My mom drove a lot of station wagons. I vividly remember 4 of them… there might have been more.
My mom didn’t like breakfast cereal. I know that, because I don’t like it either and she always made sure that I had instant breakfast or toast for breakfast every day of my childhood.
She never gave anyone the whole story. She would give random pieces of it to different individuals, so if there was some event or someone you wanted to know about you had to piece it together by calling siblings and finding out what they knew. I found out, when she was in the hospital, that I might have been the only one who knew that she only had one working kidney. I’ve known for years, and I have no idea when or why she told me this information. Obviously no one had ever needed that piece of information to flesh out a greater story?
My mom kept m&m’s in a bowl in the dining room for my youngest daughter. DD2 discovered early in life that she LOVED chocolate – and her Ammie shared her passion.
Mom was good at ironing. She ironed a lot. I remember setting up my play iron (back in the good old days – when play irons actually plugged in and got warm) and ironing board in the living room with her. We’d watch “Dialing For Dollars” (which she was sure she would someday win) and she’d let me iron my father’s handkerchiefs. I think she ironed every single dress shirt my dad ever wore – and he wore one practically every day of his adult life until he retired.
I’m sure each and every one of my siblings would have different remembrances of mom, because she was someone very different to each one of us while still being exactly the same person to us all. I will keep this list for myself, and I will add to it when I remember something else… something I’d perhaps like to share with my girls when they are older. Like, “My mom had the facts of life talk with me when I was 9. NINE. I was way too young – and she was ready to get it over and done with. I think the entire talk took 10 minutes, and there was no q&a afterwards.” Or, we’d discuss Steve and Alice from Another World, and what was going on in their lives… and darn if that Rachael wasn’t making trouble again! I wasn't yet in kindergarten then – so she taught me about following “the stories” early in life.
I also will try to think about things she would say, especially when we all get together. My brother-in-law lost his father a year and a half ago and this is something they try to do so his dad is still remembered. I like this idea. Because it still seems so unreal that memories of her will dim. But they will.
I miss her, and I just don’t want to forget all the quirky things that were so “her”.
There is the general bio stuff about my mom: born in 1926, third of five children… married my dad in 1949, Registered Nurse, mother to six children, grandmother to 10, great-grandmother to two.
Then there is the stuff I remember. Who she was to me…
When my mom went out with my dad on dates she wore Norell perfume. To this day if I smell this perfume in the store it takes me right back being a child, sitting on her bed and watching her get ready to go out.
My mom was a horrible decision maker, and as I write this I have a smile on my face. She never ordered a meal in a restaurant without finding out what everyone else was having first. “Decision making” for my mom consisted of finding out what others were doing, and doing the exact same thing. Music Lesson teachers, Orthodontists, etc. were chosen in this manner. She had always wanted the living room to be a green color but hemmed and hawed about the right color of green for so long that my dad finally went and bought some green paint. He picked a pastel shade of apple green, and the entire room (walls, ceiling, trim, door) was painted this color. She HATED it, and they went back to eggshell a couple of years later. The next time someone decided on a color that wasn’t eggshell for that room was when I finally picked a light gray/blue color for them to paint it in the early 90’s. It is still that same blue today.
My mom was funny. Some of my most fond memories of her are the two of us sitting up late at night at the kitchen table making each other laugh.
My mom loved gossip. (Hmmmm, guess I come by that naturally enough!) She loved to hear “the news”, juicy gossip, fun gossip, the good and the appalling – she loved it all.
My mom was an alcoholic for a good part of my childhood, and she went in to recovery when I was in high school. For a long time her alcoholism made her a very sick woman, and sometimes it was hard to love her.
My mom and I would stay up together in the family room to watch late night reruns of WKRP in Cincinnati and howl with laughter.
My mom hated her wrinkles. As a lifetime smoker (I don’t remember exactly it was when she stopped… I suppose some time in my late twenties? Early thirties?) she had that drooping skin that smokers develop which, coupled with her bout of polio in early adulthood that had taken some of her muscle tone along with it, resulted in her having deep wrinkles for as long as I can remember. I don’t remember my mother ever having an unlined face. I think she would have liked a face-lift, but being a child of the depression she would have never considered spending that kind of money on her own personal desires.
My mom loved Harry Potter, and awaited the newest releases with the joy of a child. I would make sure they were on pre-order for her so she could receive them the day they came out – because even if she was already in the middle of another book she liked having the newest Harry Potter waiting in the wings. One time we were out and bought some of the Bernie Botts Every Flavor Beans, and she tried every single different flavor. We marveled at “how does someone go about making the flavor of dirt?” “Who would the test group for that one be?” “2 year old boys?”
My mom wore a pink dress to our wedding. She looked beautiful that day.
My mom was a “slapper”. If you spoke back to her or made her mad? Her right hand slapped you across the face so fast it was a surprise. Every. Single. Time.
She could keep certain secrets. If you said, “Please… don’t tell dad,” she didn’t. You had to make it right with her and take your punishment – but she wouldn’t betray you.
Mom mispronounced potassium every time she said it. It drove me crazy.
She made sure you always had your favorite meal on your birthday. One year I picked LibbyLand TV Dinners. (I’m sure I chose either Pirate Picnic or Safari Supper) I think after I went to bed that night the rest of my family finished the entire heart shaped, cherry chip birthday cake because they were still so hungry – but she made them all go along with my 5 year old wishes that evening.
My mom drove a lot of station wagons. I vividly remember 4 of them… there might have been more.
My mom didn’t like breakfast cereal. I know that, because I don’t like it either and she always made sure that I had instant breakfast or toast for breakfast every day of my childhood.
She never gave anyone the whole story. She would give random pieces of it to different individuals, so if there was some event or someone you wanted to know about you had to piece it together by calling siblings and finding out what they knew. I found out, when she was in the hospital, that I might have been the only one who knew that she only had one working kidney. I’ve known for years, and I have no idea when or why she told me this information. Obviously no one had ever needed that piece of information to flesh out a greater story?
My mom kept m&m’s in a bowl in the dining room for my youngest daughter. DD2 discovered early in life that she LOVED chocolate – and her Ammie shared her passion.
Mom was good at ironing. She ironed a lot. I remember setting up my play iron (back in the good old days – when play irons actually plugged in and got warm) and ironing board in the living room with her. We’d watch “Dialing For Dollars” (which she was sure she would someday win) and she’d let me iron my father’s handkerchiefs. I think she ironed every single dress shirt my dad ever wore – and he wore one practically every day of his adult life until he retired.
I’m sure each and every one of my siblings would have different remembrances of mom, because she was someone very different to each one of us while still being exactly the same person to us all. I will keep this list for myself, and I will add to it when I remember something else… something I’d perhaps like to share with my girls when they are older. Like, “My mom had the facts of life talk with me when I was 9. NINE. I was way too young – and she was ready to get it over and done with. I think the entire talk took 10 minutes, and there was no q&a afterwards.” Or, we’d discuss Steve and Alice from Another World, and what was going on in their lives… and darn if that Rachael wasn’t making trouble again! I wasn't yet in kindergarten then – so she taught me about following “the stories” early in life.
I also will try to think about things she would say, especially when we all get together. My brother-in-law lost his father a year and a half ago and this is something they try to do so his dad is still remembered. I like this idea. Because it still seems so unreal that memories of her will dim. But they will.
I miss her, and I just don’t want to forget all the quirky things that were so “her”.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Hey! I think it's time...
Anyone think it’s time for another celebrity biography review?? (Like the Tom Cruise Review earlier this year.) Christopher Ciccone has written a book titled, “Life with my sister, Madonna”… and it promises to be explosive. I cannot wait! I have it on pre-order with Amazon, and you’ll all be the first to know when it arrives. Because, really? Is there ever too much smut?
Book is due sometime in June.
SQUEEEEE!
Book is due sometime in June.
SQUEEEEE!
Thursday, June 12, 2008
She baffles me
OK, the girls and I are sitting on the sofa the other night, looking through my copy of the Playgroup Cookbook. Now, the Playgroup Cookbook is a project that Mrs. Nielson put together when the first of our playgroup hens flew the coop a few years ago. She collected a couple of recipes from each of us, and then put it together with pictures, quotes, and it is really very beautiful. SO beautiful, in fact, that once we saw how great our collective gift to Allison was, we all decided we had to have one. (And? Mrs. Nielson totally made it happen!)
So, we three girls are looking at this book, when I point out a picture of me reading a book to the kids at playgroup one day. I mention that in the picture I’m pregnant with DD2. I kid you not (with Husband as my witness) DD2 looked up at me and said, “That was before you knew you were having white babies?”
What in the world? This is like the 4th time she’s referred to my not being white. The thing is? I am white – just like her. I have darker skin than she does (she is very fair) – but my sister doesn’t. My sister is actually darker than I am, and she thinks Aunt S is “white”. But… not me. For some reason she sees me as “brown”, and she was a little crushed when I looked right at her the other night and said, “Honey? I am white. My skin is a little darker than yours, but I’m still white like you.”
Now, let me clarify something... she has made it clear in the past that she doesn’t think I’m good looking. (And? If you knew my daughter this wouldn't shock you - she is truthful to a fault) I have many examples of this, the funniest of which is when she was 3 years old she started to have an obsession with lip gloss. She was in the car with me one day and playing with her gloss, and she said, “I wear lipstick.” I said, “Just like mama! You look so pretty.” She shoots back without a hint of irony, “Oh mama. You not pretty.” (It was too funny to even be humiliating, trust me.)
She wants to be like her sister – who looks nothing like me (and has olive skin, I might point out). I'm not concerned that she doesn’t think I’m pretty… she loves me to distraction and is heart and soul a mommy’s girl. I have never been a great beauty. I adjusted to this a LONG time ago. I’m not ugly, I’ve just always been one of those girls that the longer you knew me the cuter I got. But I wonder if her thinking I’m brown is her way of distancing herself from the way I look? Maybe she sees me as something different so she doesn’t have to worry about looking like me?
Or? Maybe the world is changing and she just thinks that people of different races are just naturally part of the same family. That it wouldn't be unthinkable that her mom could be "brown" even if she herself was "white".
I will tell you, though, that I have tried to curb my sadness around her. Because if I tell her I'm blue? She'll be ruined for life!
So, we three girls are looking at this book, when I point out a picture of me reading a book to the kids at playgroup one day. I mention that in the picture I’m pregnant with DD2. I kid you not (with Husband as my witness) DD2 looked up at me and said, “That was before you knew you were having white babies?”
What in the world? This is like the 4th time she’s referred to my not being white. The thing is? I am white – just like her. I have darker skin than she does (she is very fair) – but my sister doesn’t. My sister is actually darker than I am, and she thinks Aunt S is “white”. But… not me. For some reason she sees me as “brown”, and she was a little crushed when I looked right at her the other night and said, “Honey? I am white. My skin is a little darker than yours, but I’m still white like you.”
Now, let me clarify something... she has made it clear in the past that she doesn’t think I’m good looking. (And? If you knew my daughter this wouldn't shock you - she is truthful to a fault) I have many examples of this, the funniest of which is when she was 3 years old she started to have an obsession with lip gloss. She was in the car with me one day and playing with her gloss, and she said, “I wear lipstick.” I said, “Just like mama! You look so pretty.” She shoots back without a hint of irony, “Oh mama. You not pretty.” (It was too funny to even be humiliating, trust me.)
She wants to be like her sister – who looks nothing like me (and has olive skin, I might point out). I'm not concerned that she doesn’t think I’m pretty… she loves me to distraction and is heart and soul a mommy’s girl. I have never been a great beauty. I adjusted to this a LONG time ago. I’m not ugly, I’ve just always been one of those girls that the longer you knew me the cuter I got. But I wonder if her thinking I’m brown is her way of distancing herself from the way I look? Maybe she sees me as something different so she doesn’t have to worry about looking like me?
Or? Maybe the world is changing and she just thinks that people of different races are just naturally part of the same family. That it wouldn't be unthinkable that her mom could be "brown" even if she herself was "white".
I will tell you, though, that I have tried to curb my sadness around her. Because if I tell her I'm blue? She'll be ruined for life!
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
OK, Experiment time...
Do we believe this? Do I have a few cell phone owning friends that want to help me conduct research??
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Life is full of surprises
So, have you ever received a package unexpectedly? How about unexpectedly from another country?? How exciting would that be? VERY exciting, right? Well, I have an Internet friend in Oz (being that my name is Dorothy, that might not strike you as so very odd, but it’s the other Oz, as in Australia), she can be found here, and she sent me the sweetest care package after my mom died. How fun to to be expecting only bills in the mail, but instead to see an Airmail package, open it up and find this: 
…and you can bet my kids will be wearing these during the Summer Olympics (especially if the US boycotts… not that I’m saying how I feel on that one way or another):
…and I imagine SIS lives right on a beach, and her life looks like this:
Anyway, on the enclosed card she instructed me on the finer points of eating Vegemite. (Shudder) Vegemite comes in a jar, like this:
…and you can bet my kids will be wearing these during the Summer Olympics (especially if the US boycotts… not that I’m saying how I feel on that one way or another):
…and I imagine SIS lives right on a beach, and her life looks like this:
Anyway, on the enclosed card she instructed me on the finer points of eating Vegemite. (Shudder) Vegemite comes in a jar, like this:
and it's a smooth, brown, chocolaty looking spread, which smells just the opposite of "chocolaty goodness", like this:
You take a piece of toast, butter it, and then spread on a little bit of Vegemite. Like this: 
Now, a seasoned veteran of Vegemite might add a little bit more… but I was frightened, and had been working up the courage for 2 weeks to accomplish this.
Then you take a bite, like this:
…and you know what? It is really not so bad. It’s a bit like eating beef bouillon paste on toast. Nothing offensive about it, and really not as scary as I was thinking. I don’t quite know what I thought Vegemite might taste like – but it was a pleasant surprise. Of course, it’s a by-product of the beer making process… anything in the beer family is usually A-OK with me.
Thank you so much, SIS!! Your package came at a wonderful time, I loved that you cared enough to send it, I’m so glad we Parkview Moms have discovered you all the way on the other side of the world, and I cannot wait to gather a few American goodies and send them your way! Anything you’re dying to try? How ‘bout some grits?
Now, a seasoned veteran of Vegemite might add a little bit more… but I was frightened, and had been working up the courage for 2 weeks to accomplish this.
Then you take a bite, like this:
…and you know what? It is really not so bad. It’s a bit like eating beef bouillon paste on toast. Nothing offensive about it, and really not as scary as I was thinking. I don’t quite know what I thought Vegemite might taste like – but it was a pleasant surprise. Of course, it’s a by-product of the beer making process… anything in the beer family is usually A-OK with me.
Thank you so much, SIS!! Your package came at a wonderful time, I loved that you cared enough to send it, I’m so glad we Parkview Moms have discovered you all the way on the other side of the world, and I cannot wait to gather a few American goodies and send them your way! Anything you’re dying to try? How ‘bout some grits?
Oh, and by the way, girls? Next time we get together for coffee? I'm bringing the Vegemite!
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Monday, June 2, 2008
Sometime "Pretty" just isn't worth it...
You'd think we'd love this time of year, when the Hawthorne trees bloom. We have 5 of these trees on our property! Aren't they lovely? They really are quite pretty to look at, and each little white flower becomes an equally pretty little red berry that are wonderful to see during the cold winter.
Alas, all is not what it seems with these beautiful trees.
It took me a while to figure it all out. For the first three or four Springs we lived here I smelled "a smell" that I couldn't quite put my finger on. Truth be told, I thought a raccoon had crawled up in to the rafters of our garage and died. Every time we would walk out the door for about 2 weeks each Spring the assault was striking. "Oh My God, do you smell that? I tell you, something has died around here!" Then, like magic, the smell would disappear. One day it would just be gone. I wouldn't think about it again until the next Spring... and like clockwork, "WTF is that smell??? It smells like death."
I think it was year 4 in the house that I was pulling weeds in the back yard and stood up to stretch and take a deep breath - right next to a branch of a Hawthorne tree in our back yard. I almost gagged - it's the TREE that smells like that? Those pretty flowers? Oh Good Lord! Are you kidding me? How can something so attractive smell like putrid, rotting flesh? So, I turn to the internet. I need to find out what is up with these things, I think our tree guy called it Hawthorn once... I'll start there.
Turns out, Hawthorn trees have a very myth filled past. The traditional may flower garlands were made from hawthorn branches, and faeries are believed to live in their boughs. People used to decorate their doorways with them. They are believed to be what Christ's Crown of Thorns was made of, and their leaves and berries are still used in Chinese medicines to this day. (Good for lowering blood pressure.) All fine and dandy, I thought, but didn't anyone ever notice the odor? Then I found this:
Medieval country folk also asserted that the smell of hawthorn blossom was just like the smell of the Great Plague in London. Botanists later discovered that the chemical trimethylamine present in hawthorn blossom is also one of the first chemicals formed in decaying animal tissue. In the past, when corpses would have been kept in the house for several days prior to burial, people would have been very familiar with the smell of death, so it is hardly surprising that hawthorn blossom was so unwelcome in the house
Ah ha! I'm not crazy - it literally does smell like something died out there! Vindicated! Husband can no longer roll his eyes at my description - and he should actually be happy that I'm not going to make him rip down the dry wall on the ceiling of the garage to locate the fictitious dead rodents.
For 10-15 days each Spring my neighbors and I are treated to the smell of the Great Plague each time we leave our homes. Very nice! And, of course, it is considered very bad luck to chop down a hawthorn tree... I suppose because of some faerie curse.
Perfect.
Who The F$%k keep planting these things?
On purpose.
Knowing what they smell like every Spring?
(Other than the guy that lived here before us - who probably ended up selling the house because he was afraid to cut the trees down and couldn't live with the odor every year.)
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