In search of all things itchy

I finally broke down and visited the Butterfly Pavilion here in Denver. (Westminster, actually.) Thinking I could get over my fear of things-that-fly-at-you for an afternoon that would make the girls happy. DD1 had been there before, but DD2 had not. My niece (the lifeguard) was in town so we’d be dragging her along, and my sister joined us for the adventure.

So, how come no one ever told me that the BUTTERFLY Pavilion was filled with BUGS? Only like 25% of it is butterflies – which was creepy enough with its chrysalis wall (where the chrysalis actually twitch, gahhhhh), and the butterflies? They don’t just fly at you, they like to land on you. There is a sign there that states, “Touching the butterflies shortens their lifespan.” You know what else shortens their lifespan? Landing on me. Seriously, one of these buggers chased me for a good two minutes:

Sure, it looks pretty enough... but it is a savage and tricky tracker.

Plus? I couldn’t even walk on the beautifully landscaped walkways in there because all I could imagine was that a caterpillar was going to drop on my head and my lifeguard niece would have to administer CPR on her aging auntie. (Now, they SAY there are no caterpillars there, but come on! How are they going to control that fully, right? I imagine butterflies are like rabbits in their prolific regards to breeding.) Thank goodness Lifeguard Niece was there to handle the scary stuff, like taking the girls around the footpaths.

However, the name is misleading. What greets you at the door of the Butterfly Pavilion? THIS:

(These millipedes are like 6 inches long.)

…plus a cage of scorpions, beetles, and other crawly nightmares. So, my “oh crap, something is crawling on me” leg slapping began as soon as we walk in to the building. Then we see the “Crawlaseum”, home of many, many, too many spiders, beetles, cockroaches, ants, leaf bugs, and other nasty biting creatures. All of the sudden, I look over, and THIS is what I see…

DD1 with spider all over her. (You’ll have to imagine my stifled scream at this point.) I knew she had held the tarantula before, and that she planned to do it again… but nothing had prepared me for seeing one of the true loves of my life with a gigantic spider in her hands. Why just the other day Mrs. Kravitz had to kill a house spider in our entry way as I freaked out, and it wasn’t as large as a dime. To see my daughter holding this monster almost made my heart stop. I’m sure she was seconds away from being jailed in a giant web. Here are some other sites of the day:

OK, I have to quit blogging about this now. I’m feeling all kinds of imaginary bugs on me and it’s awful. Thus ends my first, and final trip to the Butterfly Pavilion.

In a word? Ick.

What do you mean YESTERDAY was the big day??

Happiest Belated Birthday Danielle!!! (I'm sorry I forgot to log on yesterday!) I hope your day was WONDERFUL!

Wordless Wednesday

Hottie Nephew and his sister...

Because "Hottie" nephew (cute fireman) has been making the rounds on my blog, I thought I'd show you a picture. This is him with his little sister, our favorite darling lifeguard.

Obviously their parents are doing something right - both of their kids choose lifesaving jobs for summer fun. I should be so lucky someday.

If I had to assign blame?

I’d say it started with Alton Brown… and his damn episode that got Husband thinking about meat smokers. Don’t get me wrong – usually the things Alton brings our way are delicious and a real value-add. The smoked meat was no exception. Absolutely delish. When Husband said he was going to use the smoker on a pork roast last Sunday, I was elated. The only problem (before last week) with using the meat smoker was the smoke itself, which is plentiful to say the least. Being our neighbor when Husband is using the smoker is probably akin to living downwind from The Trail Dust Steakhouse on the night they also happen to be having a bonfire in their parking lot.

Of course, I suppose even Alton might not have been able to predict what happened next.

See, after you smoke the meat and feed it to your wife (who especially likes salmon prepared this way), you have the issue of the coals to deal with. Husband is very safety conscious. When he uses the deep fryer (for our Thanksgiving turkey) or the meat smoker, he uses them in the middle of the yard so nothing will catch fire… and the hose is right there should something go wrong. He leaves the smoker in the yard overnight, and after this latest bout even left it out there while the sprinklers ran. Nothing like a little water to help douse those coals. Or, so you’d think.

Flash to Tuesday night. I got home from visiting my brother around 8:30 or 9:00pm. Smelled smoke and thought, “man, I really feel bad for the neighbors. That smell really lingers after using that smoker thing.” It really did smell like a campfire. But, you know… no big deal. The Hawthorne tree in full bloom smelled worse than that.

11:00pm Tuesday night and Husband and I are in bed. I’m not asleep yet, so when the fire engine turns up on the street next to our house I’m the first nosey neighbor to the window. “Oh, I’ll bet it’s the older gentleman who lives in that house. I think he must be sick again. Wait, they’re moving. Honey, they’re pulling into the cul-de-sac.” Husband (from the bed), “They’re probably turning around”. Me, “No, they appear to be parked”. And all of the sudden: RAP RAP RAP on our back door (which is glass, so it was loud). Husband jumps out of bed, and goes downstairs to see what’s going on.

There is a policeman in our backyard.

“What do you all keep in the flower boxes in your back yard”, he asks my husband. Husband looks up at me and all I can think is, “Nothing. The dog digs up every flower we ever plant there so we don’t use it anymore.” Husband said to the officer, “I put the coals from the smoker in there, but they were from Sunday and they were wet.”

Crap.

This was the result:

This is the flower box and fence that went up in flames. (The Kravitz Estate is on the other side of that fence. You can see their grounds through the hole.)

Luckily the neighbors behind us (who are moving out and were only home that night packing up stuff) saw the flames shooting up and turned a hose on the fire after calling 911. This is an easement in our yard for the cable boxes of the surrounding homes – and it’s littered with dried pine needles, old pine cones, and some old leaves. Perfect fire fodder… and it had just started to burn as you can see. (Also notice the lattice that encloses the area had just started to burn.)


This is the other side of the flower box. Our backyard is bordered with trees. The whole perimeter of our yard is covered in dried bark – which looks very pretty and is, most likely, very flammable. The fire didn’t reach this part of the yard yet, the dark soil you see is what the firemen (who, btw, were about 25 years old and DARLING) dug out of the flower box.

(This is what the perimeter of the yard looks like. This is the part leading from the fire site up towards our side deck.)

(This is a view of our side deck – which also would have been good fire fodder.)

And this is a view of the back of our house that is attached to the back and side decks. Please notice that the house is not burned in any way – because I am convinced that someone “upstairs” was watching out for us. (Thanks Mom!!!!)

So, after the trauma of the night as we were settling back in our bed, husband turned to me and said, “I’m sorry.”

My loving, caring, empathetic, heartfelt, best-wife-in-the-world response?

“Hey, better you than me.”

Sing it with me!

Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy First Birthday Baby Kravitz!
Happy Birthday to you!

***********

We LOVE you!!

“If you can’t be athletes, be athletic supporters!”

It's Wednesday... and we all know that means my real-time PROJECT RUNWAY recap!!

But? First can we talk about Tanboi? Apparently tanning is like heroin to the kid, and he’s going through withdrawal. He cannot shut up about it… perhaps we need a mystic tan intervention? They have the at home Mystic in a can now. Oh, the WHINING! Don’t you think he would have thought ahead and at least packed a little bronzer? He KNEW he wouldn’t be tanning, and now he’s all crybaby. Wah.

We get the requisite eye rolls when a field trip is announced, and here comes Apollo Ohno. (I’m thinking more than half of them didn’t know who he was until he was introduced.) They get to create a pretend design for the Olympic Opening Ceremonies. I’m wondering what kind of gay man Daniel is, as he has never watched the Opening Ceremony. It’s all choreography and flash – sure it’s usually a little weird, but wouldn’t that be a plus for him? It’s practically drag queens out there its so costumey. Joe, of course, is all over this challenge – reiterating for us that he is a sportswear designer, as befitting a straight man I suppose. As I remember, the outfits for the opening parade are usually sort of geek looking – but I suppose when you get hundreds of people in matching outfits even Prada might look stupid.


And we’re at Mood. Stella is using black? Tim sounds surprised. Has he not been paying attention?

Fabric fight! Rumble at Mood! “Oh no he di’nt." Oh yes, sister, he did. Alas, no Roman Greco Wrestling on the fabric cutting table. Now THAT would have been Olympic.

Back in the workroom, we find out that Joe played football. (And, therefore, is straight with a wife and children.) Daniel isn’t athletic – he went to boarding school, and is designing a cocktail dress. Because nothing screams “athlete in training” like a cocktail. Oh, and one of the mousy brown haired girls was a cheerleader. Not because she wanted to be - but because she was a dancer and gymnast. (Because being a cheerleader just to be a cheerleader is a bad thing?)

Tanboi is in agony. Get the boy some “Warmth” by Bare Essentials. STAT!

Jennifer? Is designing for Doris Day.

Korto is making a touching speech about how much America means to her. Which, really, is touching. She was a refugee, and that would leave some traumatic scars on a child. So… she is either the winner or loser tonight. No doubt about it, the gut wrenching personal history is a tell. (Not that I’m saying that the editing of this show is getting predictable.)

Here comes TIM!

Joe. Tim approves of a skort? I would have never guessed that he’d be OK with something so very middle class and mall-ish.
Tanboi. I am now officially over him. Who doesn’t know when The Beatles were popular? Asshat.*
Daniel. Tim lectures Daniel, and Daniel is also not as cute close up as I thought he was. Distance? Is his best friend.
Jerell. Is using horizontal stripes on body conscious athletes? Is he trying to encourage eating disorders during the games? Gads!
Jennifer. Tim hates her outfit. I agree with Tim.

Back in the workroom and Wow! Daniel is stepping on a lot of toes tonight. Now he’s pissing off Joe about re threading the sewing machine. Throw it down, Joe! Is it just me or does Daniel have ADND? (Attention Deficit Narcissist Disorder)

Jerell’s outfit is ridiculous, like he’s dressing his model for a polo match. Polo is athletic… but I’m so not seeing 16 year old gymnasts in this "outfit". Who are these people kidding? Have they ever seen Olympic athletes? They aren’t 6 foot tall, thin models. Some of them don’t seem to get that this is a sportswear challenge.

You know what? Stella looks a lot like Cher when she wears makeup. I’m surprised the gays don’t like her more.


Time for the runway!! Woot woot!

Guest judge is Apollo Ohno. Because he’s fabulous.

Korto: It’s a pantsuit. Modern and not fussy.
Suede: His girl looks like a cheerleader.
Kelli: Model looks like a flight attendant from 1966.
Joe: Cute USA outfit. See, is this where we get in to trouble? Will the judges like it, or throw it out because it is so “expected”?
Leanne: Uhhh… Couture tennis anyone?
Daniel: Looks like Laura from last season designed it. Except then it would have been prettier, and the right color.
Jerell: Seriously? WTF? Ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. So not what they asked for.
Stella: Its OK, except for the epaulets I sort of like it. I hate that I don’t hate it.
Keith: Yeah? No. Bad skirt. More Cirque than Beijing.
Terri: I like it, but not so much the jacket. This could work though.
Jennifer: Really is Doris Day. Also? Not surreal. Isn’t that her claim to fame? This MIGHT have been considered surreal in the 1700’s. Not so much now that 1950 has come and gone.
Blayne: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I like it. Very futuristic. Pretty cool.
Kenley: Are you kidding me? Rosie the Riveter went to the Olympics?

So, Suede, Kelli, Leanne, Stella, Keith, Blayne, and Kenley are all safe. Which is a gift for some of them, trust.

Lets bring out the models…
Terri: Apollo, likes the colors. Michael, said something about a Lauren Hutton vibe. Nina, likes the versatility. Sportswear, hooray.

Jennifer: Heidi, doesn’t read as modern, Olympic or American. (Can’t have missed the challenge much more than that!) Apollo, didn’t grasp design. Nina wants to do a little psychotherapy on poor Jennifer, to help her separate herself from the designs. Prim romantic athlete does not read well. (I think she is so out.)

Joe: Heidi likes the zipper. Apollo likes that it shows off an athletic body. Michael likes the skort, but hates the length. Nina likes the sporty-ness. Literal translation of the challenge.


Daniel: Apollo, said there is nothing Olympic or athletic about it. (Apollo is correct.) Nina said there was no relevance. Heidi calls out the purple. Michael thinks she is from the Republic of Cocktail land. Just hate. Hate hate hate.

Korto: Nina, likes the fabric, would present America as a very chic team. Heidi, likes it. Apollo, very 2008, big fan of the look. Very sophisticated and they like it. (It is cool, and looks even better during this discussion than it did going down the runway.)

Jerell: Apollo said very unique, but didn’t scream athletics. Nina is puzzled. Mary had a little lamb? Michale, Bad hat. Heidi hates it. They actually laughed at this dress. Thoughtful and good fabric, but a costume.

Winner is: Korto. See, now the soliloquy makes more sense. (I’m not seeing an Emmy for Originality in Editing any time soon.)

Auffed: Jennifer! Finally. Good bye you faux-surrealist! (Now I’ll be able to keep the girls straight! We’re down to one Betti Paige, one mousy brown straight haired girl, one blond girl, and two African Americans with different hairstyles. Thank God. Am I leaving anyone out? Is there a Hispanic lesbian, or is that Shear Genius?)
Until next week PR lovers!

*quoted from Jen Lancaster. Who I wish was the Official Author of my 2008 Olympic experience – because I think she is hilarious and I would DIG it if she recapped the events.

Pictures pirated from Project Runway Auction site.

Wordless Wednesday: amazing art by Julian Beever

Dear Miss Manners,

I am always forgetting... which spork is it that I use for the salad?

Yahoo!!!!!

Most of the time I forget that I have a Yahoo account. I’ve had it forever, and it is the email account I give if I’m doing a survey or commenting on blogs where I don’t want them to track me down. (Yes, I do that.) Once every few months, I’ll log on to Yahoo and be greeted with a sign that tells me I have hundreds of messages. Literally, there will be 500-600 messages in my inbox, and like 1600 in my “junk mail”. (Where the spam filter has stored them. It automatically deletes them after a month, so that number is frightening.)

The Yahoo Spam filter is probably a fairly powerful model, since 2/3+ of the junk is getting filtered out. Wanna know what this massive Spam filter didn’t catch?

A note to tell me that my $1000 Victoria’s Secret gift card is awaiting my personal information.

27 notices that my credit score has been updated. How they know this is BEYOND me,

13 different notices, from various email accounts, asking me if I’d like to be the world’s next millionaire.

Several emails offering me Visa credit, in unlimited amounts. All I have to do is send them some personal information…. Yada yada yada.

Several additional emails telling me my new Visa card has already arrived! The highest limit “given” to me during this round is $7500. Come on, tricksters, you can do better than that!

Offers of Nursing Degrees, Medical Transcription certificates, and one even proclaiming I can attend med school online. Sign! Me! Up!

Notice of my $1000 Target gift card arriving.

16 notices that I can make a regular income from anywhere, along with 4 emails that tell me I can specifically do this from home. (Note: wouldn’t “anywhere” be better than just “home”? I mean, really?)

Lots of updates from Oriental Trading – which I actually remember signing up to get and will appreciate getting around the holidays when, as room mother, there are craft kits to be purchased.

2 emails informing me that I am going to receive a new Blackberry… all I need to do is confirm information for shipping. (from two distinctly different charlatans, I might add.)

Numerous personal notes from Jessica Peterson, letting me know how I can earn money online. Also some notes from Jessica about encouraging growth in my manhood. Obviously, we’re good friends.

Easy Google Profit! Sent to my Yahoo address? Call me skeptical.

Many offers of Federal Grants. I’m thinking of applying to get a federal grant to study how, by sending me thousands of emails every month, the spammers are actually taking a green approach and helping fight global warming by reducing the amount of ACTUAL junk mail I receive in a months time. Because these spammers? They are all about doing good.

A message from “Arcadia Tidwell” titled: Fwd: Hi vupiker
Who is Arcadia Tidwell, and how dare she call me Vupiker! That nickname is reserved for only my closest amigos.

A handful of messages from “Naughty or Nice” offering me loads of singles hookups. Because happily married women are a good candidate for this kind of advertising?

One notice of need for a Medieval Transcriptionist. Sounds like my interest in Art and Religious History precedes me. Or more likely? Someone in Pakistan needs a new spell checker.

Hey, here is something new! I can make money by clicking online ads. Who knew it could be so easy? And I’ll be I can do this from anywhere… not just home!

Loretta Hollingsworth sent me an email titled: you want me to do for you.
(No, Loretta, I don’t. And I’m not clicking this email.)

rodriquezj at icahnhouse dot org writes: “Look me up sometime.” I don’t even want to know.

Plus, it looks like on any day of the week I can:

Reinvent my life for fun and profit! (it’s the “profit” part that has me wondering.)

Increase my bustline! (Again, they know me too well!)

Buy a house in Oregon! (yes, it specifically states OREGON.)

Brighten my mother’s day with an e-card! (This is just insensitive.)

Discover the income of friends and neighbors! (I’m only curious about a few of you.)

Buy diamonds for pennies on the dollar! (I’m intrigued.)

Find my ideal weight! (Because this is some tricky information to locate.)

Get discount prescriptions from the PHARMBACY! (English, people. ENGLISH)

...and last, but certainly not least…

Buy Viagra for a fraction of the original cost. (I’m sure this is the good stuff.)

So kids, what we can learn here is that if you’re having financial, medical, vocational, intellectual, locational, or retail problems… the answer can be found in your Yahoo.com inbox. Please remember to click responsibly.

So. Much. Fun.

I can't believe I almost didn't see this movie. I thought I'd be rolling my eyes the entire time... boy was I wrong! I laughed (a LOT), I cried (only during one scene, although it seems our whole coven saw me), and I smiled a ton. Truly one of the best movies I have seen in a long while... not because it has a great message, or because it will change your perspective of the world, or even that it is such a great plot. It is just an excellent "feel good movie". How they work in the songs is hilarious, the actors are delightful to watch, it is a pretty movie to look at, and just charming in its entirety. I will own this one when it comes out on DVD, and cannot wait to see it again. Just watching the trailer makes me smile and remember how much fun this movie was to see.

You must see this movie with at least one friend in tow. Giggling is part of the tremendous fun of the experience!

Really not much going on lately

As summer comes to a close I need to plan some activities we haven't gotten to yet. There are two movies the girls want to see, a trip to the zoo, a trip to a water park (Friday. Wahoo!)

I know I seem focused on Project Runway right now, but that is because I am. Focused. On Project Runway. Since there is no Big Love this summer I have to obsess about this instead.

My kids haven't said or done anything remarkably funny lately, my husband is being normal, and the golf lessons are going fine. I can't decide if I like the game yet... but if I do I have decided that my signature color for golf is going to be pink. (Watch as Husband rolls his eyes!)

I did find out recently that Husband reads my blog. Which sort of surprised me, because he's not at all a blog reader and because he hates to listen to me drone on and on. (And really? Isn't that what blogging is?) I kind of like that he cares what I have to say, and if it is easier to read than to listen to - - well who am I to complain? This man, who is fine with me going to an Uppercase Living party next weekend and spending untold amounts of money on something he hasn't a clue about, is pretty wonderful to care enough to bookmark me. (As long as it isn't handbags they sell he's OK. Any more purses and I'm in trouble!)

I've decided that I'm not going to be reviewing the book on Madonna after all. Truth be told, I don't find her that fascinating and I don't really want to give him any more money from the book sale. I mean, who rats out their sibling? (You know, to the entire world... I understand just ratting them out to other siblings!!)

So, in lieu of any good blogging ideas, I simply wish you "Have a good weekend!"

Project Runway Australia

OK, I'm not going to start writing recaps of the Aussie version of the show... but they actually have better designers this season than we do.

BUT, I had to show you this guy. Mark.

Who must have walked in to the hair salon and said, "I am inspired by this. Make this happen."

And Americans are annoying?

It's Wednesday! Here comes the Project Runway Recap!

Tim is going to take them out tonight. (If this was Top Chef they’d end up cooking for some neighborhood festival.) Tim showed up in a rain coat, so all the contestants are in rain ponchos. (Hip! Not.) Their destination is a double decker bus. The challenge is to design a look for going out in NY at Night inspired by a tour of NY. (Cheese.) I think in season one they had to do an outfit inspired by the city. Sadly it seems they have run out of ideas.

Stella can’t work her camera. Probably because it isn’t a crack pipe. Also? I still have a hard time figuring out which one is Emily and which one is Kenley. They look WAY too much alike. Someone (the innocent 30 something guy from Utah. Keith?) just mentioned the negative energy that is floating around. Like you can get women and gays together and not have a little backstabbing going on? Please. I wonder if he’s gay? Even if he is he probably can’t do anything about it with his family being very religious. Hey, maybe he’ll have a breakdown!!

Budget for shopping is $100. “Thank you Mood!”

OK, lets start draping the dress forms. Winner will have immunity. Tanboi can crack a joke, but he’s a freak. Straight guy just said Kenley’s fabric looks like a lawn chair cushion. LOL. So far I don’t understand the garments, which I suppose is why I’m not a designer?

I like Jerrell more and more. Kenley is bagging on Emilie’s dress. Kenley must rate in the final six this week because they are giving her a lot of attention. Stella of COURSE chose to be inspired by something leather. So now she is hammering away at her grommets and disturbing the other designers’ concentration.

If I had to guess right now who was in the final 3 good and 3 bad this week?
Keith, Kenley, Emily, Tanboi, Leanne, and Suede. Don’t know who is good and bad, but they are concentrating on these people.

Know what I hate? That stupid Mojito commercial they show every single week.
Back from break! Tim comes in for his consultation.

Jennifer, he thinks it is matronly.
Keith, This dress will have a shape?
Kenley, Tim likes the picture. Thinks it might be costumey
Terri, Tim does think she captured the picture. “But Oh My God.”
Leanne, Tim likes the skirt. A lot.
Emily, describes it as a black dress with an over sized corsage. He wants MORE!
(I wonder why we don’t see all the consultations?)

Day of the Runway Show
NOBODY is finished yet. Ha Ha Ha. Tim gets there while they are all still pinning and freaking out. Keith has to switch models. Like this is drama? So what? Aren’t they all a size 0 anyway? It appears to be a puffy whitish dress, how much re-fitting could there be?

Runway Time!! Guest judge is…. Sandra Bernhard. (Why?)

Keith: Puffy dress, frilly, looks random.
Blaine: black dress with neon scarves.
Joe: Black dress with corset. Looks like picture. Strong.
Emily: black dress with scarves
Leanne: very cool black skirt and black top.
Jennifer: navy and cream, dowdy.
Jerrell: Cool green dress with ruffles. Me likey.
Kelli: Weird black stripes, don’t get it.
Daniel: Shiny bronze-ish satin.
Kenley: Ummmm, looks more like a tattoo than a dress.
Suede: raincoat-esque silhouette. Pretty
Stella: Pants, laced in front. Silver vest. Meh.
Korto: Black jumpsuit. Cute.
Terri: Backless dress with pants. Cool looking.

Who they liked (with comments):
Kenley. Michael, “Cute”. Nina, “Good play on volume.”
Terri. Sandra, “sexy.” Michael, “the right style on right girl.” Heidi, “cool.”
Leanne. Sandra, “cool.” Michael, loves the idea of this dress being separates. Heidi “would wear it in a heartbeat.”

Who they hated (with more comments):
Keith. Michael, “Looks like toilet paper in a wind storm.” Sandra, “Can’t see her body.” Heidi, “not good.”
Emily. Sandra “didn’t like the ruffles”, Nina “it’s a Carmen Miranda moment.” Michael, “explosion of ruffle is placed badly.”
Jennifer. Michael, doesn’t like her style. Heidi, “matronly.” Nina, thinks it is “OK but boring.” Sandra, “not nicely executed.”

Winner: Kenley. (I still think her dress looked like a life-sized tattoo made out of fabric.)










Leanne would have been my vote.











Auffed: Emily. (Did she pick a knock-kneed model on purpose?)











See, I would have auffed Jennifer. Shows how much they know. At least I won’t have a hard time telling who is who anymore between the two raven haired girls with bangs!









Only 5 or 6 more weeks until the snark gets better because there aren’t so darn many designers to follow. I LOVE when they get in to more of the sh*t!
Until next week, savor the drama!!

all photos from Project Runway auction site. You can see the other designer's work there.

Time for Some Campaignin'

Send a JibJab Sendables® eCard Today!

Who wore it best?

Because when it comes right down to it? A trash bag is a trash bag is a trash bag. Yes?

PR recap, episode 2

This week’s challenge is making a cocktail dress for their models. Sounds easy enough, but I suppose Blaine (from now on referred to as TanBoi, which I saw on MamaPop and just loved) will be in trouble because the dress is also supposed to be pretty. Oh, and the models are doing the shopping. Think they will remember to buy things like thread? They will be buying “green” fabrics, which at first confused me because I kept thinking “You know? Green just isn’t a good color on everyone.”… but they meant that they would be using Eco Fabrics. Oh….duh.

Kenley is stressed out over the fabrics picturing trying to make a cocktail dress out of hemp or something. Wesley is whining over his models choices, unfortunately I think Suede likes what his model picked out. Please let me mention again that Stella is so ugly! What a shock that she has “no strategy” and “this is not what I do.” Seems to be her mantra so far.

(Oops, Project Runway is tivo-ing over Ghost Hunters downstairs. Darling Husband is NOT happy. Super.)

People? How hard is a cocktail dress? These people are seriously making some strange looking dresses – and not many would be appropriate for cocktails at the DCC. Right?

Suede is still referring to himself in the 3rd person which means he needs to go home or start therapy now because he's making my brain hurt, and 3 of the designers have the same brown satin fabric. Eco Satin. That should pucker nicely!

Tim Gunn is cracking me up – he thought a designers dress was inside out when it wasn’t. He referred to it as a “hot mess”. Ha Ha Ha.

Tanboi is all “licious” this and “licious” that. He’s making me Bitterlicious, I can tell you that.
No! Daniel is NOT going to finish. Bummer, because I want three of them to go home before him (Stella, TanBoi, and Suede). Plus, I like Daniel.
Wesley's dress is all puckered and hideous and will most likely get him auffed.
OK, time for the judging. Natalie Portman is the guest judge. (Squee, LOVE her!) Here is my take on the dresses as they come down the runway:

Keith: cute, bouncy on the bottom.
Terri: blue, pretty, classy
Wesley: No….no….NO!
Jerrell: Sexy and young? Nope. It’s just OK.
Jennifer: not a good dress. Floaty.
Daniel: little black dress. Finally! And its finished!
Joe: pretty brown dress. Nothing over the top.
Suede: Crap! I like the dress. Hate to say it. Suede may win.
Kenley: Couture. Very couture.
Kelli: a pretty dress.
Leanne: Uh, well…. ummmm, what is it?
Stella: I’m not a fan of asymmetrical. I don’t like it.
TanBoi: Hot pink and black together will never be anything but ugly.
Emily: WAY too short. Cute top though.
Korto: really does look inside out.

So, Keith, Terri, Jerrell, Jennifer, Daniel, Joe, Kelli, Blaine and Emily are all safe this week.

The three best are Kenley, Stella, and Suede. (Stella? Sheesh.)

Kenley’s frock: Nina likes the collar. Natalie likes it, Michael thinks it’s chic.

Stella’s frock: Michael likes the lacing, Natalie thinks the fit is good. Nina gives her a “much improved.”

Suede’s frock: Natalie would wear it, thinks it is sweet and flirty. Nina likes it very much; Michael said he likes that Suede made the satin work.

The 3 worst are Wesley, Korto, and LeeAnn.

Wesley’s frock: Natalie likes bow tie, Heidi gives low score. Michael thinks it is crazy short. Nina said shiny, tight and short is the quickest way to look cheap. (ouch.)

Korto: Natalie thinks dress looks inside out. Nina said hem is off balance, and Michael said that curvy girls don’t want fins off their butt. (I have to agree this point.)

Leanne: Natalie said it looks like peter pan. Michael can find nothing nice to say. Nina said it’s all over the place.

I think either Wesley or Leanne is going home. And that Suede will win. (as much as that kills me) Lets see!!

Winner: Suede. I still hate him, but now he’s back for two more weeks because of immunity. Lovely.

Auffed: Wesley is OUT bitches! He had no personality anyway.

You know, there are still WAY too many people on this show. This week I have no favorites. I find I cannot really get in to the snark until we're down to at about 6 or 7 people. Until then? Simple mocking must suffice.

all photos above from Project Runway Auction site.

Wordless Wednesday

Who on earth thought Red, White & MOO was a cute catchphrase?

Regardless, we'll attend. Kids need to grow up on county fairs, community swimming pools, etc., and since mine won't be attending too many church picnics we must "small town" it when the opportunity arises.

We're BAAACCCKKKK!

We're showered, we're excited about sleeping in our own beds tonight, we're not having to do a "tick check" which thrills us... we're glad to be home.

We'll catch up later.

Off on the annual camping trip...

...and we're off!! Back on Monday. It's a long weekend of fishing, hiking, and probably itching and scratching.

DD2 and I will be sure to take lots of photos on the trip. (She wants to be a photographer now. She'll be using my old digital camera and we'll see what she comes up with. Perhaps she'll be a child photo prodigy!)

Talk to you next week.

My favorite reality TV show is back!!!

You may have felt the shift in the universe last night at 7pm MST? That’s because the new season of Project Runway started last night and since it’s my favorite show I’m going to blog about it this season. (Even my kids like this show – I have to get a season pass on Tivo so they can catch up the next day! How “squee” is that??) I’m actually going to write these updates in real time, as the show happens… we’ll see how that works.

OK, so this is the first episode and we get to meet all the new designers as they get to their pads at the New Gotham Apartments. Here are my first impressions:

Jerrell. Fun, young, semi professional designer. Name drops, so probably not as successful as he’d like us to believe.
Blaine. From Seattle. Already my least favorite character and he’s only the second one to show up. Thinks everything is “girlicious”. Dude? “Girlicious” is NOT the new “Fierce”.
Joe. He’s straight. He’ll make it halfway through.
Stella. Tough rocker chick, designs with leather. Looks like a meth head. Not impressed.
Jennifer. Lives in Italy. Looks like a librarian, has bad glasses. Will be surprised if she is any good – but I like her. She seems nice. Maybe too nice?
Kelli. From Ohio. Is Ohio big design capital?
Terri. No first impression… seems OK.
Jerry. Professional designer, self important. Wonder if he can bring it?
Suede. From NYC, has done denim designs for other designers. Refers to self in 3rd person. Want him gone like now.
Keith. Is a self taught designer. Usually those people can’t sew very well.
Korto. From Arkansas. (Design mecca in mid-west somewhere I’m not familiar with?) Seems pretty cool.
Kenley. This girl looks like a retro glam version of Selma Blaire. Probably has a pink porcelain bathroom at home.
Leanne. From Portland. No impression
Emily. Is she naïve, or just strange?
Daniel. Maybe quirky, something there.
Wesley. Has worked for Marc Jacobs. This guy is really geeky.

We’ve met the designers, so now its up to the roof for champagne with Heidi and Tim. Tim remarks that they are the most diverse group of designers ever. (Does this mean they are all weird?)

The first challenge is actually a repeat of the grocery store challenge from season one. Hmmm, running out of ideas? Each designer has $75 and 30 minutes in store to find materials. They will have until midnight that night to complete the challenge.
Jerry is going to make a raincoat out of a shower curtain. Sounds cute. Someone has already mocked Tim Gunn with a “make it work”. Turns out Blaine is even more annoying that my first impression of him… I hate him and want him to go home today. He is REALLY impressed with himself – and the louder they talk about how great they are the higher the chance that their work will suck. Lots of people seem to be grabbing plastic or paper tablecloths to use. Good idea, unless EVERYONE is doing it – then the judges will be annoyed at lack of ingenuity.

Back at the studio Daniel is making a dress out of blue plastic cups. Pretty cool, he is cutting them up and then melting them with an iron so he can shape them around a muslin dress he has pinned to his mannequin. Clever! Kelli is doing ugly/pretty arts and crafts paper dress. I hope she’s not going to be this season’s resident weird artist. Suede? Is really not creative, and is one of the plastic tablecloth people. Ha ha ha ha! Still referring to himself in the third person. Obviously mentally unstable. Korto has a big old yellow drapey garment going on. Ugly so far. Keith is another table cloth dress, as is Jennifer – so Jennifer is covering hers with candy. Could be genius, could be disaster. OK, Stella? IS A DISASTER. She wanted to make some “rocker” pants out of shiny black garbage bags, but got the wrong kind of garbage bags and has NOTHING done by the end of the evening. Sometimes people win when they don’t have any good ideas and then throw something together at literally the very last minute. I sincerely hope this does not happen. Jerry’s potentially cute raincoat? So ugly. It should have been the best one out there… such a good idea gone so wrong. (And he’s the professional in the group.)

Every season the designers get even better. Will this season disappoint? My top 6 so far are:
Jennifer
Daniel
Joe
Kenley
Kelli
Keith
Auf’d: Jerry. The raincoat was just strange.

Should have been Stella who was auf'd, her garbage bag dress was truly bad. Can you believe this piece of crap didn't lose?

Winner is: Kelli! They liked the artsy-craftsy attention to detail. It did turn out better than I thought it would.

Oh, and this was what that stupid Blaine made. How many different words are there for ugly? Doesn't it look like she's wearing a diaper?

all pictures from the Bravo Project Runway site.

2008: The Spring of our Vanishing Sanity

My children have a serious mental illness. I feel that it is time to bring this out in to the light – as to look at my children you wouldn’t guess of the disturbing problems lurking just below the surface.

First, some history:
My children love toys. All kinds of toys – mostly of the doll and accessory persuasion. This includes Polly Pockets, Little Ponies, Board Games, Puzzles, Dress Up Clothes, Play Jewelry, any form of small plastiform figurine that enables fanciful play. How they play with these things is a bit different.

DD1 will play with Littlest Pet Shop, or Polly Pockets, or Barbies. While sometimes the Barbie’s take the Littlest Pets out for walks, usually the doll-like toys keep to themselves. Board games are her weakness. She CANNOT leave the pieces to a board game alone. Especially the figures one might use to move around the board. She’s drawn to pieces of board games like a magpie to anything shiny.

DD2? Hers is a mix-and-match world, a theme that permeates from her wardrobe to her diversions. She is a veritable blender. A few of the Polly’s might invite two or three kids from Little Einstein to an outside chalk drawing festival… and bring some Littlest Pets, tangled plastic jewelry, and stickers along to add to the fun! She is a girl that needs a little variety for her imagination to kick in. She not only likes pieces and cards from board games, but loves to carry around 3 stray puzzle pieces at any given time.

The thing my children do have in common regarding the toys? I’m sad to say but they both have Compulsive Dissociative Relocation Disorder. (CDRD) I know. It’s shocking. Their constant obsessive need to relocate pieces of toy groupings, board games, and puzzles pieces to different areas of the house is difficult to live with. On top of that, they also suffer from a subset complication of this disorder known as Depository Impulse Control Difficulty. (So that we’re clear: now we’re up to CDRD w/ Inclusionary DICD) Here is how the illness manifests itself. Not only do they relocate small and various pieces of every single toy set, board game, or puzzle to different parts of the house… they then unconsciously stuff these pieces in whatever backpacks, fuzzy play purses, pockets, boxes, drawers, etc. that might be available. And then relocate them again so that there is now stuff hidden everywhere.

I have lost my temper on more than one occasion. When sitting down to play a game of Mystery Date / High School Musical Version we might open the box and only find SharPei in there. No Gabriella or the other two girls from the cast they threw in so that a family of 4 could play. This causes my blood to boil. Everyone knows that I am ALWAYS Gabriella during Mystery Date! Where in the world is she? (Oh, right! She’s by the computer so DD2 didn’t get lonely during Phonics. Silly me!)

What brings me to this shocking revelation (about my daughters, not my love of Mystery Date) is that, after not paying attention to the household chores for a few months, I was finding Polly shoes, Pony accessories, Barbie shawls, bracelets, rings, key chains, etc. everywhere I went. Open my nightstand drawer and find the cat belonging to the American Girl, go to the bathroom cabinet for a roll of toilet paper and find Austin of the Backyardigans hanging with Woody the Disney cowboy. (I make no judgments, btw.) While folding the laundry, that has already been washed and dried, having ONE plastic clip-on earring fall out of the pocket of someone’s jeans. (I stop for a moment of prayer that the other one isn’t melted to the back of the pair of khakis which Husband is presently wearing at work.) It was ruining our lives, as mental illness often does.

I had to take control. With the help of the children (well, DD1 helped. DD2 sang songs and got in the way), we took every single toy in this house to the Grand Ballroom. (I don’t really have a ballroom – but I insist on calling it that because the lack of living room and dining room furniture could make a girl feel inferior if she’s not careful.) We FILLED the Ballroom. Then? We started to sort. We set up bins, and as we emptied out anything that could be used to store any small item, we tossed them in to bins.

Can I tell you that my greatest victory was that I found EVERY LAST TINY CHERRY to the HiHoCherryOh game? (All 40 Cherries are in their re-discovered small plastic buckets.) That is a feeling I won’t soon forget! I can’t guarantee all the Polly’s shoes have a match, but I wasn’t willing to empty the vacuum bag to find them, and really? DD2 prefers mix and match. Barbie’s stuff is all together in one carrier. Polly’s world is all contained in one big blue bin. All the plastic pretend cell phones are in one box. All the Littlest Ponies are corralled. The Kelly Dolls and their thousands of tiny accessories are sleeping under the same roof tonight in their dollhouse thanks to our hard work. And? I can play Mystery Date with my children with a smile on my face because we located every single piece and card to that game. Even Candy Land is complete – and I wasn’t sure we’d EVER find that Queen Frostine card again. (It is one of DD2’s favorites.)

DD2 decided that she has outgrown all things Dora – and that in itself had to be over 500 pieces of hard plastic that I no longer have to step on as I walk through the house. The Care Bears are also retired – but not the stuffed ones. Don't even suggest we give up a stuffed animal. (However, stuffies don’t relocate quite so easily, so I’m actually all right with that decision. Baby Steps.) I’m glad that I won’t ever again look over at the roll of TP and see two-inch tall plastic Funshine Bear waving at me and wishing me well in my endeavors.

Bad news is, until they hold a telethon and find a cure for “Dodi’s Kids”, I’m stuck with two children who have CDRD w/ Inclusionary DICD. A Plastipsychosocially unacceptable disability that carries much stigma and discrimination.

So when you visit? Be kind. Living with mental illness is a curse… and every day I don’t find stickers stuck to my clean laundry and hair ribbons stuffed in toothpaste tubes is a small victory. God forbid it ever get as bad as it did in Spring 2008: The Spring of our Vanishing Sanity here on Lisbon Court. (Our sanity was found, however, in a pink faux-croc handbag in the dress up clothes box.)

wordless wednesday... stare at the dot and what happens?

A facelift for the blog

I needed a change. My blog was boring, and it was time.

Hope you like the change... now I feel like I can update the new style whenever I want and mix it up.

What I'm feeling today (second edition)

I miss her. God, I miss her. I so wish she were still here.

I don’t cry every day anymore, but when I do cry it’s for hours at a time and it’s draining. I never know when it will hit or what will bring it on – yesterday it was because I thought about the fact that the tomatoes at my dad’s will be turning red soon, and fresh tomatoes were one of the things she loved about summer. She won’t be here to enjoy them with dad.

Their 59th wedding anniversary would have been last week (and let me tell you that my father was breaking my heart, as he misses her tremendously), and her birthday is coming up next week. The “year of firsts” is supposed to be the hardest, and we’ve been hit with some pretty big “firsts” in the time she’s been gone. Mother’s Day. Father’s Day. The girls' dance recital. Their anniversary. Husband and my 10th anniversary. Now her birthday is right around the corner. (Memorial Day and the 4th were in there too… but those aren’t something I usually associate with my parents. I think I stopped spending those holidays with them in college.)

Somehow I don’t imagine that it just sucks the first year. Her presence in this world was a strong one – sometimes too strong for me!! I fear I will always feel her missing.

She has been gone 10 weeks today.

It hurts like it was yesterday, but it feels like she’s been gone for so much longer. While some days now I start out strong, most days I still have a hard time managing even the smallest tasks to completion. My house is a disaster area, and my husband is a saint! He’s been holding our family together, really, since I was feeling so sick in February. He says that he is totally OK with this, and that he knows he’ll be holding things together for a while. I’m starting to feel pressure (from myself) that it’s time to pull myself together, but then I get anxiety from the pressure and it’s harder still to keep going. I try to push these feelings to the side and let myself deal with this slowly but I’m still overwhelmed a lot of the time. I try to remind myself that the housework will wait, the dust bunnies will breed, the weeds will flourish, and I will heal. Someday.

Because someday? It won’t be such a shock that she isn’t here anymore. (Yep, still "Stage I" of grieving.) It’s still a shock when I think about it. It isn’t something I’m “coming to terms with”, or “quietly accepting” yet. I’m sure I will miss her forever, but I’m looking forward to the day when it’s not as painful. When it’s not such a fresh wound on my soul. At the same time I hate the fact that someday it will be normal that my mother has died. I’m not interested in that being my new “normal”. That is the part I hate perhaps most of all.

Happy 4th!

Let's be careful out there!