The Story of Shanghai Lil and the Russian Mail Order Bride

Previously on Project Runway:
It’s that Stanford Blatch guy from Saturn again. Keith is STILL out! I can’t see that scene enough.

Open in the apt… and what is Kenley doing with those scissors? Stella doesn’t know how to make coffee. General sleepy contestant shots.

Here come the winning and losing models. LeAnn is so white bread that she won’t dare change models, right? YES!

We have a special guest? Yes, it is….

Tim Gunn? Oh, we’re off to see a fashion legend.

(Dear Blayne, Mary Kate is NOT a fashion legend. He wants to marry Mary Kate? Wait -- is Blayne straight? Did I mis-interpret that or what?)

Oh, it’s DVF, just like we knew it would be! She does float beautifully down that sparkly staircase.

Kenley is sobbing! I get it, DVF IS a living legend. It must be a huge honor to be able to have your work critiqued by her. Hey! I LOVE the movie “A Foreign Affair”! Wait, did Tim just say that no one in the universe works with pattern and color like DVF? Was Uli not a contestant last season? That girl was gifted when it came to mixing patterns. He better pay homage to Uli at his Fashion Alter when he gets home tonight.

So, the designers get to go to the DVF fabric holding area or something. It’s probably like an airplane hangar sized warehouse with fabric everywhere you look and they’ll have 2 ½ minutes to find the perfect fabric for the challenge.

The winning look will be available to AMEX cardholders. Great. My husband can buy me an outfit. (Or not.) They get 15 minutes – which is a long time. Kenley, honey, pull yourself together. Is Tim just standing there not helping? Would that be some sort of breach of ethics or something? If I were Stella I’d be like, “What? You got a hook in your prissy ass? Get the hell over here and help me.”

Back to the workroom they get to see a Look Book – that should help. Kenley sounds like she’s doing one piece to the other designer’s three pieces. Hmmm.

Suede is now swinging between first and third person speech and just sounds like a confused toddler at this point. I’m over Suede. Still.

Wow! They dog on Terri for her pants pattern, don’t they? They also hate her fabric. Isn’t that a like a personal attack on DVF herself? Didn’t DVF design that fabric? Off with their heads!

Stella is all full of secrets and intrigue. Like those girls are interested in stealing her innovative grommet ideas for the challenge.

I notice that Blayne isn’t getting any paler. Perhaps they have decided to sustain him with some self-tanner?

Jerrel’s design looks beautiful in the picture.

Joe’s top has enough class to be photographed for Penthouse Magazine. Perhaps he has misinterpreted “A Foreign Affair” to be connected in some way to Russian Mail Order Brides?

Jesus, why doesn’t Kenley do a shoulder wrap to add a layer? That could still look very 30’s and appropriate. If there was ever a challenge for her to win it would be THIS challenge. It’s like they took a look at her and gift wrapped a challenge.

Suede seems to think that camo shrieks Berlin in the 30’s. Know what really shrieks Berlin in the 30’s, Suede? Hitler. Put a funny little mustache on your model and perhaps you can save your look.

Leanne could totally win again if she crops that jacket. Her dress is amazing. But what is with her throwing herself around corners? Is she acting like a spy, or like Andre?

Joe? Oh Joe. That outfit makes no sense to me.

BEST. LINE. THIS. SEASON. “It looks like a bra strap!” Read: Korto, put your yellow elsewhere.

Stella. Is it me or is Tim a little passive / aggressive with Stella? He clearly doesn’t get her at all. Which means I have a lot in common with Tim Gunn.

Tim is worried that Kenley isn’t doing enough. He doesn’t say it out loud, but you can see it in his eyebrows. Also, Kenley designs for Kmart? Random! We’re this far in and this is coming to the surface just now?

RUNWAY DAY!

Terri doesn’t have a blouse for her model – so “we’re all screwed.” Will everybody be punished if Terri sends an un-hemmed ascot down the runway?

Joe seems confidant that a bare midriff is very DVF. Joe? Is incorrect.

Stella’s model needs boob tape.

To the Runway:

(Heidi looks cute!)
(OK, even my 5-year-old daughter is like, “Where is Nina Garcia?” You should hear her say "Nina Garcia", because the only person she has ever heard say the name out loud is Heidi - so she sounds like a tiny little Heidi Klum. So funny!)

Joe: Outfit looks totally different than I thought it would, but why did he make the shirt so short?

Leanne: VERY nice! The back of that gown is killer.

Terri: Her outfits are always a bit of the same, but they are always remarkable. She can toss up those 4 patterns and hit a home run.

Jerell: What is with the hat?

Korto: Looks like a weekend at the Hamptons.

Blayne: Are those bloomers? Ewww.

Suede: It’s pretty, but not at all fitting the brief they were given.

Stella. Those pants are so awful. The outfit is bad, but is she going to do some smuggling in her girly bits during the espionage part of her trip?

Kenley: That dress is pretty. But, is it enough? (Oh, and notice that Kenley has moved the head pets to her shoulders and is sporting a conservative clip in the hair instead.)


Terri, Jerrell, Blayne are safe. Blayne really got through with those bloomers? Gag.

“Let’s bring out your models….”
(There are no picture this week - because Blogger is having a bad hair day and won't let me post pics. I'm annoyed.)

Korto:
DVF likes the yellow
Fern likes it.
Heidi thinks the little jacket is werry nice.


Joe:
DVF, doesn’t like the open back
Heidi doesn’t either.
Fern doesn’t either.
Michael thinks it is odd.


Kenley:
Heidi thinks it is a very pretty dress. Calls her out about no layering.
DVF likes this dress.
Michael thinks it is made beautifully. Calls model a Shanghai Lil.
Fern thinks it is very wearable.


Stella:
DVF thinks the cape looks like Dracula.
Michael is commenting on the tailoring. The crotch is a nightmare.


Leanne:
DVF thinks it is very pretty, likes the ying and the yang of the man’s jacket with a woman’s sexy dress.
Heidi thinks both pieces are beautiful.
Fern thinks there is a lot of look.
Michael and DVF think there is a lot of good design there.


Suede:
DVF points out that the dress is unflattering on a model even though she has no hips.
Heidi and Michael hate the slit in the back. Not sexy.
Fern doesn’t understand the herringbone.

And the winner is… Leanne! She won with immunity – very cool.

While poor Stella is auffed. Bye-bye Stella. (Wow, she looks a LOT prettier in the light of the waiting room, right?)