Tuesday, April 29, 2008
I think I was never was truly sad before
The hardest part of the day right now is when I wake up in the morning. I open my eyes and I cannot believe that the world is still turning. That my daughter will go to school, that people will go to work, and the children and dogs need fed and dance class and soccer practice are still there. That the world didn't stop - if not just for a little while - so I can mourn my mother. I don't want the world to be a normal place right now - how can it be normal? How does it not stop everything when my mom is never coming back?
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
A post that has been waiting to be written
I don't too often post about "real" issues in my life. That said, it is time to post about something that is affecting my entire family right now.
Our mom is very ill. She has been in the hospital since the beginning of the month, and has now been in ICU for a week and two days. I cannot go in to great detail, except to say it's one step forward and 1/2 step back most days... with yesterday / last night / early this morning being a full step or two backwards. It has gotten to the point that we are telling our out of town siblings that it might be time for a visit. "Not to say good-bye, but to lend a hand with the good vibes." (These are my sister's words. I'm plagiarizing.... but I'm honest!)
It is so hard to watch your parent become so very frail. Things will be going along fairly well for a day or two, and then BAM. They start to spiral again. And it all happens so quickly.
My family would appreciate any prayers you could send in her honor. Her name is Helen. She and my father have been married 58 years. I've known her personally for 43 years, and I love her very, very much. (Even if we do drive each other to the brink of insanity! Isn't that the beauty of Mother / Daughter relationships?)
Please, even if you are not a praying person, keep her in your good thoughts. A karma boost would be most appreciated. Because Karma? May owe me a few good deeds right now.
Our mom is very ill. She has been in the hospital since the beginning of the month, and has now been in ICU for a week and two days. I cannot go in to great detail, except to say it's one step forward and 1/2 step back most days... with yesterday / last night / early this morning being a full step or two backwards. It has gotten to the point that we are telling our out of town siblings that it might be time for a visit. "Not to say good-bye, but to lend a hand with the good vibes." (These are my sister's words. I'm plagiarizing.... but I'm honest!)
It is so hard to watch your parent become so very frail. Things will be going along fairly well for a day or two, and then BAM. They start to spiral again. And it all happens so quickly.
My family would appreciate any prayers you could send in her honor. Her name is Helen. She and my father have been married 58 years. I've known her personally for 43 years, and I love her very, very much. (Even if we do drive each other to the brink of insanity! Isn't that the beauty of Mother / Daughter relationships?)
Please, even if you are not a praying person, keep her in your good thoughts. A karma boost would be most appreciated. Because Karma? May owe me a few good deeds right now.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
What is it about an Irish accent???
Because no kidding... I think this guy is SO HOT. Average looking, but funny... and that accent! Swoon.
(Video is probably not safe for children to overhear, although I think if my children started swearing in a twee little Irish accent I might not punish them quite so harshly... I'd be like, "Oh my God! That is so cute!!!" Yes. I am most likely that shallow.)
(This is an Irish comic named Dylan Moran, and you may have already guessed that I'm in love with him.)
(Video is probably not safe for children to overhear, although I think if my children started swearing in a twee little Irish accent I might not punish them quite so harshly... I'd be like, "Oh my God! That is so cute!!!" Yes. I am most likely that shallow.)
(This is an Irish comic named Dylan Moran, and you may have already guessed that I'm in love with him.)
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Friday, April 11, 2008
From our local headlines
So, this was a sort of unexpected article that showed up in our local paper yesterday:
"When Mom wears one set of gang colors and Dad wears another, conflict over how to raise the baby can cause irreconcilable differences." (You can read entire article here.)
Here is my favorite part of the article:
When police asked the woman why the two had separated, she said they have "different ideas about how the baby should be raised," according to a police report.
When officer Daniel Swift asked the woman what she meant by that, she said that the two belong to different street gangs.
"They could not agree on which gang the baby would claim," Swift said.
And suddenly even I feel like a really responsible parent.
"When Mom wears one set of gang colors and Dad wears another, conflict over how to raise the baby can cause irreconcilable differences." (You can read entire article here.)
Here is my favorite part of the article:
When police asked the woman why the two had separated, she said they have "different ideas about how the baby should be raised," according to a police report.
When officer Daniel Swift asked the woman what she meant by that, she said that the two belong to different street gangs.
"They could not agree on which gang the baby would claim," Swift said.
And suddenly even I feel like a really responsible parent.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
FLDS in the news a lot lately
Being someone who is highly amused by the craziness of some religions I have noticed that the FLDS have been in the news quite a bit lately. (FLDS being Fundamentalist Latter Day Saints, not to be confused with LDS, or Mormons as most of us know them) I LOVE it when I see the word fundamentalist in the title of a religion. Why? Because that one word can add a whole world of crazy to what they are about. I am almost gravitationally pulled to learn more about them, because really? Who doesn't like to enjoy knowing there are people just a little crazier than they themselves are out there in this big, wide world.
Now, seeing the FLDS in the news so much lately as brought a couple of thoughts to me:
1) "Hmmm..... wonder when 'Big Love' is due back on the air?"
and
2) You just know someday there will be a rift in the Church of Scientology, and a branch called FCOS (Fundamentalist Church of Scientology) will break off. And that, my friends? THAT will be some legendary crazy!!! Like selling-tickets-to-see-the-sideshow-crazy. I am all for that, and actually would love to see HBO or Showtime take that one on.
So do something for me today, yes? Be sure to stop and ridicule the craziness. It's really worth the time and effort.
I'll be sure to save you a seat next to me in hell.
Now, seeing the FLDS in the news so much lately as brought a couple of thoughts to me:
1) "Hmmm..... wonder when 'Big Love' is due back on the air?"
and
2) You just know someday there will be a rift in the Church of Scientology, and a branch called FCOS (Fundamentalist Church of Scientology) will break off. And that, my friends? THAT will be some legendary crazy!!! Like selling-tickets-to-see-the-sideshow-crazy. I am all for that, and actually would love to see HBO or Showtime take that one on.
So do something for me today, yes? Be sure to stop and ridicule the craziness. It's really worth the time and effort.
I'll be sure to save you a seat next to me in hell.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Maybe I should stock up on the zinc oxide this Summer?
Because this is really getting sort of ridiculous.
1) DD2 informs me that I am no longer Caucasian.
2) I end up on a never ending mailing list regarding Hispanic opportunities in education.
3) and now Blogger sent me a message that (hooray!) I can now blog in my native Indic script.
My NATIVE Indic script? I wasn't aware that the ancient peoples of Ireland, England, OR Italy used Indic script on a daily basis... shows you what I know. It's starting to seem like DD2 isn't the only one not convinced of my primarily white European ethnicity. Not that this really bothers me - it's just that if I should be bringing curry to "Heritage Day" at the elementary school I'm gonna have to find a new recipe!
(I'm sorry as I know this is the third blog of the day. Some days blog material just seems to fly from all directions. Other days, not so much.)
1) DD2 informs me that I am no longer Caucasian.
2) I end up on a never ending mailing list regarding Hispanic opportunities in education.
3) and now Blogger sent me a message that (hooray!) I can now blog in my native Indic script.
My NATIVE Indic script? I wasn't aware that the ancient peoples of Ireland, England, OR Italy used Indic script on a daily basis... shows you what I know. It's starting to seem like DD2 isn't the only one not convinced of my primarily white European ethnicity. Not that this really bothers me - it's just that if I should be bringing curry to "Heritage Day" at the elementary school I'm gonna have to find a new recipe!
(I'm sorry as I know this is the third blog of the day. Some days blog material just seems to fly from all directions. Other days, not so much.)
Is it still wordless wednesday if I've already posted something for the day?
...probably. I can't even get that right!! It's OK. This was going to be a kind of a lame picture to post anyway.
He's laughing at me... I know he is.
I am a minivan mom. I never wanted to be one... but I'm really too short to deal with an SUV, besides - I'm the only person on earth that never wanted to own one one of those big old vehicles.
My girls sometimes ask to sit in the "way way" back of the minivan. Of course they can, because I remember this from when I was a little girl and my mom drove a station wagon. "Can we sit in the "way way" back?" You know, so you could ride backwards and make funny faces at the cars behind you? Well, now through the grace of tinted windows other drivers cannot see how weird my kids are being in the way way back of my van... but I do have a question. Is it possible that my kids are allergic to sitting in the way way back? Because every time they sit back there they seem develop some sort of sinus emergency and desperately need a Kleenex. Which, btw, are NEVER located back there because I'm always putting that seat down for some reason or another, and the Kleenex box gets moved back up to the front of the car. If I had half a brain, I'd make sure they took the box back there with them, but after having the children I only have 1/3 of a normal brain... so this never occurs to me until we are on a busy road where the children cannot unbuckle to run up front to get the Kleenex box. I've tried launching it back to them, but I either overthrow the darn thing (which means finding a side street to pull over on so I can open up the back and retrieve them), or I ping someone in the head. It's not that I feel so bad about that, because... well... you know, the Altoids type injuries I have sustained while driving.... but damn it all if I don't hate listening to the crying. The crying which makes my ears practically bleed (and me with no Kleenex box next to me because I've launched it at the children) also makes them need a Kleenex even more than before. Because we now have a horrible sinus drainage AND tears.
It is at time like these in my life I imagine I can actually picture the face of God.
And he's sticking out his tongue at me.
My girls sometimes ask to sit in the "way way" back of the minivan. Of course they can, because I remember this from when I was a little girl and my mom drove a station wagon. "Can we sit in the "way way" back?" You know, so you could ride backwards and make funny faces at the cars behind you? Well, now through the grace of tinted windows other drivers cannot see how weird my kids are being in the way way back of my van... but I do have a question. Is it possible that my kids are allergic to sitting in the way way back? Because every time they sit back there they seem develop some sort of sinus emergency and desperately need a Kleenex. Which, btw, are NEVER located back there because I'm always putting that seat down for some reason or another, and the Kleenex box gets moved back up to the front of the car. If I had half a brain, I'd make sure they took the box back there with them, but after having the children I only have 1/3 of a normal brain... so this never occurs to me until we are on a busy road where the children cannot unbuckle to run up front to get the Kleenex box. I've tried launching it back to them, but I either overthrow the darn thing (which means finding a side street to pull over on so I can open up the back and retrieve them), or I ping someone in the head. It's not that I feel so bad about that, because... well... you know, the Altoids type injuries I have sustained while driving.... but damn it all if I don't hate listening to the crying. The crying which makes my ears practically bleed (and me with no Kleenex box next to me because I've launched it at the children) also makes them need a Kleenex even more than before. Because we now have a horrible sinus drainage AND tears.
It is at time like these in my life I imagine I can actually picture the face of God.
And he's sticking out his tongue at me.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Curiously Enough...
Tangerine Altoids.Curiously Strong, Curiously Sour.
And? Curiously painful when they come flying from the back seat of the minivan, ricochet off of your sunglasses and ping you in the eyeball.
Just, you know, for future reference.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Oh crap... he's leaving town again...
Found out yesterday that Husband will, indeed, be gone again next Tuesday. Which means that Darling Daughter 2 had better not pull this again. Do you think it would be out of line to threaten her very life, or - in lieu of her life her Littlest Pets collection - should she decide to try to prove to me again who is boss when dad is out of town?
You don't think she'd try that again, do you?
You don't think she'd try that again, do you?
Thursday, April 3, 2008
The Crying Game...
OK, not the movie. My life today.
See, my hormones are - ummmm, fluctuating, shall we say? So, this morning when I decided I just needed a good cry (not for any real reason, just felt like crying) I shut my bedroom door, lay down on my comfy bed, and turned to the "John Denver" area of my ipod. Boo-hoo's followed. Some of his songs are more powerful than a good Hallmark commercial to me, but only if I'm in the right tearful place.
I did feel much better afterwards. Sometimes I think I just need to detoxify with tears. Is that even a real thing? Maybe I'm on to something here?
The Lamentation Detoxification Program.
(Doesn't that sound so much more beneficial than having some ordinary Pity Party????)
See, my hormones are - ummmm, fluctuating, shall we say? So, this morning when I decided I just needed a good cry (not for any real reason, just felt like crying) I shut my bedroom door, lay down on my comfy bed, and turned to the "John Denver" area of my ipod. Boo-hoo's followed. Some of his songs are more powerful than a good Hallmark commercial to me, but only if I'm in the right tearful place.
I did feel much better afterwards. Sometimes I think I just need to detoxify with tears. Is that even a real thing? Maybe I'm on to something here?
The Lamentation Detoxification Program.
(Doesn't that sound so much more beneficial than having some ordinary Pity Party????)
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
My Husband is One in a Thousand!
I think he's 1 in a million... but I can't actually prove that to y'all. I do, however, now have medical proof that he is One in One Thousand.
My DARLING husband had a vasectomy 4 years ago. 3 weeks ago I found out - the hard way - that it had failed. See, I've been having problems with an ovarian cyst for a while now, and was in for another u/s on it when the doctor asked me when the date of my last period was.
Me: Ummm, wow - I guess it was the first week in January.
Dr.: Have you taken a pregnancy test?
Me: No. Why would I?
Dr.: Because you missed your period, and you are having all the classic symptoms of pregnancy?
Me: Huh? No. My husband had a vasectomy 3 or 4 years ago. Besides, I'm not pregnant. I'd know if I was pregnant. I'm 43 years old, and I am NOT pregnant. My hormones are off because of the cyst. I couldn't be more sure that I'm not pregnant.
Dr.: OK, let's take a look.
Dr. starts the u/s, and lo and behold, see's an empty sac inside my uterus. (It was a blighted ovum... which is an egg that has been fertilized but fails to develop.) When I saw the empty sac I just looked at my dr. and was like, "If you tell me I'm pregnant I'm going to kick you." Dr. moves to the side away from my feet and tells me, "Well, now wait a second. I do see a sac, but it is empty. I don't see a baby, and I don't see a heartbeat which we would by now if your last period was beginning of January. We'll do some tests to see what is going on, but I'd say there is only a very very slight chance that you have a baby in there."
I did urine test in the office, and there were the results. Pregnant. I started to cry. Not that we wouldn't have gotten used to the idea... but you know how it is - we resigned ourselves to no more babies 4 years ago. Even if Dr. is sure there is nothing there... Oh My God. Pregnant? How?
I held myself together pretty well until I get out to my car, at which point I begin to hyperventilate and must find a friend to vent this out too. Mrs. Nielson wins the friendship lottery that day as I whip out my cell phone and start looking through my contacts, and she talks me through the initial shock enough so I can drive over and get my first round of blood tests done. (Note: All follow up blood tests showed falling hcg levels, confirming no baby actually developing.) When I got home my husband asks how my appt. was. "Do you want the bad news about ME? Or the bad news about YOU???" is my response. After I told him the news my husband was all, "Well, I guess that explains why you've been sleeping for a month." (He did also feel bad that he seems to have superhuman sperm mobility... but that might be another blog.) Ahh, yes. I have been awfully tired, and my boobs hurt, and I've been really bitchy and grouchy and "off". I cannot believe that neither of us thought I was pregnant, it just wasn't even something that was on our radar. I had already decided that I would just let the miscarriage happen naturally - since there was no emotional pain this time it would be just physical and although I knew it would be uncomfortable I thought "I can deal with that."
Right?
Ummm, yea. No.
As soon as the "morning sickness" (read: afternoon sickness which was bizarrely between 2 and 3:30 each day) kicked in the next week I was done. DONE. How did my body NOT realize that it wasn't really pregnant? I'm like some sort of fertility goddess at this point... and I really have no idea of how long this would have gone on - because when the doctor happened to mention that it tends to be more painful and there tends to be a lot bigger blood loss the longer your body goes without miscarrying, I basically said, "Sign me up. And, while I'm there you might as well tie my tubes."
So on March 27th I had a little surgery. Dr. also removed my ovarian cyst - which was actually big enough that he thought he might have to go in eventually and get it... so he saved me another trip to the hospital.
Now I just have a couple blood tests and some basic follow-up on my 4 little incisions and it's done.
Oh, and Husband MAY have to get his little procedure done again just for good measure. I'm not sure just having my tubes tied will hold back his Super Swimmers for long! (Besides, he might need a little bit of pain for my trouble?)
And? I have discovered that Vicodan is really a wonderful invention.
My DARLING husband had a vasectomy 4 years ago. 3 weeks ago I found out - the hard way - that it had failed. See, I've been having problems with an ovarian cyst for a while now, and was in for another u/s on it when the doctor asked me when the date of my last period was.
Me: Ummm, wow - I guess it was the first week in January.
Dr.: Have you taken a pregnancy test?
Me: No. Why would I?
Dr.: Because you missed your period, and you are having all the classic symptoms of pregnancy?
Me: Huh? No. My husband had a vasectomy 3 or 4 years ago. Besides, I'm not pregnant. I'd know if I was pregnant. I'm 43 years old, and I am NOT pregnant. My hormones are off because of the cyst. I couldn't be more sure that I'm not pregnant.
Dr.: OK, let's take a look.
Dr. starts the u/s, and lo and behold, see's an empty sac inside my uterus. (It was a blighted ovum... which is an egg that has been fertilized but fails to develop.) When I saw the empty sac I just looked at my dr. and was like, "If you tell me I'm pregnant I'm going to kick you." Dr. moves to the side away from my feet and tells me, "Well, now wait a second. I do see a sac, but it is empty. I don't see a baby, and I don't see a heartbeat which we would by now if your last period was beginning of January. We'll do some tests to see what is going on, but I'd say there is only a very very slight chance that you have a baby in there."
I did urine test in the office, and there were the results. Pregnant. I started to cry. Not that we wouldn't have gotten used to the idea... but you know how it is - we resigned ourselves to no more babies 4 years ago. Even if Dr. is sure there is nothing there... Oh My God. Pregnant? How?
I held myself together pretty well until I get out to my car, at which point I begin to hyperventilate and must find a friend to vent this out too. Mrs. Nielson wins the friendship lottery that day as I whip out my cell phone and start looking through my contacts, and she talks me through the initial shock enough so I can drive over and get my first round of blood tests done. (Note: All follow up blood tests showed falling hcg levels, confirming no baby actually developing.) When I got home my husband asks how my appt. was. "Do you want the bad news about ME? Or the bad news about YOU???" is my response. After I told him the news my husband was all, "Well, I guess that explains why you've been sleeping for a month." (He did also feel bad that he seems to have superhuman sperm mobility... but that might be another blog.) Ahh, yes. I have been awfully tired, and my boobs hurt, and I've been really bitchy and grouchy and "off". I cannot believe that neither of us thought I was pregnant, it just wasn't even something that was on our radar. I had already decided that I would just let the miscarriage happen naturally - since there was no emotional pain this time it would be just physical and although I knew it would be uncomfortable I thought "I can deal with that."
Right?
Ummm, yea. No.
As soon as the "morning sickness" (read: afternoon sickness which was bizarrely between 2 and 3:30 each day) kicked in the next week I was done. DONE. How did my body NOT realize that it wasn't really pregnant? I'm like some sort of fertility goddess at this point... and I really have no idea of how long this would have gone on - because when the doctor happened to mention that it tends to be more painful and there tends to be a lot bigger blood loss the longer your body goes without miscarrying, I basically said, "Sign me up. And, while I'm there you might as well tie my tubes."
So on March 27th I had a little surgery. Dr. also removed my ovarian cyst - which was actually big enough that he thought he might have to go in eventually and get it... so he saved me another trip to the hospital.
Now I just have a couple blood tests and some basic follow-up on my 4 little incisions and it's done.
Oh, and Husband MAY have to get his little procedure done again just for good measure. I'm not sure just having my tubes tied will hold back his Super Swimmers for long! (Besides, he might need a little bit of pain for my trouble?)
And? I have discovered that Vicodan is really a wonderful invention.
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