Project Runway: The Muzak of Fashion

Previously on project runway… It’s the get a job challenge… and Joe loses again. Just like what really happened when I watched it last week. No matter how many times I watch that episode, that outfit never seems to work for him.

We begin this episode with the neurosis in the apartment shots: Suede thinks Suede is in trouble, Leanne thinks it would be fun to have all girls – but that Jerrell is probably going to make it… you know.

This week, during model selection, Kenley takes Joe’s old model (because Topacio is fun to say), and Leanne turns in to the competitive bitch we all knew was inside that mousy little white girl. She steals Suede’s model! Suede is angry. There were three unpaid models sent home this week.

This week’s challenge? To design a look for each other.
Suede designs for Jerrell. Which, unless he goes for something Scottish, will involve PANTS. Suede? Does not do pants. Uh-oh. I’d love to see him try to talk Jerrell into a purple Pucci-esque frock!!
Kenley designs for Leanne. Wonder how Leanne will look as Rosie The Riveter?
Korto designs for Suede. She’ll do great.
Jerrell designs for Kenley. He’ll make her look fabulous.
Leanne designs for Korto. This might be interesting!

Twist! The look has to be inspired by a specific musical genre. Explore the connection of music to fashion.

Kenley’s genre is Pop. Not big band?
Suede’s genre is punk. Korto got the right guy for this one. I actually think I would like to be her right now – she could totally win this. Punk? Slam Dunk.
Korto is Country. HAHAHAHA
Leanne is Hip Hop. BWAAA HAHAHA.
Jerrell is Rock and Roll. That so fits.

Hour to meet. $150 to spend at Mood, and until 1am to finish.

Kenley is going to make high-wasted jeans for hip hop? What?

Suede is NOT going to do an 80’s rock look? Why not. What the hell does he think he is going to look like himself? Punk is 80’s. He should go CRAZY with the rock and roll. Korto is OVER Kenley. And? I cannot wait to see Korto country!

Off to Mood, and Tim hates Kenley’s print. Kenley? Is a bitch to Tim. How does he not hit her?

THANK YOU, Mood!!!!

Back at the workroom, 12 hours left in the day.
Leanne is going to make Korto look like she’s presenting at the CMA’s… and for Leanne’s hip hop look Kenley is doing a leather jacket and high waist pants. She doesn’t like to make pants… does she not get that she shouldn’t do either of those? For Gods sake, girl… I have one word for you. HOODIE. So Hip Hop. What idiot doesn’t immediately picture a hoodie when thinking of HipHopGirl? Put it with a little low rise denim mini, crazy shoes… you know… hip hop. But for Gods sake, Kenley… don’t put her in high waist pants. You’ll be laughed off the runway.

Jerrell would love to three-pete. Don’t blame him. He’s actually going to make Kenley look very cute, she is a cute girl.

Suede is a classically trained cellist? I would have never guessed that.

Korto has just invoked the name of Jesus for the win!! You go girl!

Suede has never done rock before… but when he worked at Jordache he dressed Xtina, Britney, Destiny’s Child… so “this shouldn’t be such a far stretch.” Right. Because Jerrell clearly has a vagina.

Korto is now sporting cowboy boots. She’s so funny. I had no idea she had a personality. I wish she laughed more.

Kenley is going to try on the pop garment. Hey, she look good.

4 Hours To End of Day, and in comes TIM! Again this week, I’m not going to focus on what Tim actually says. I’m going to focus on what I think Tim wants to say:

“Jerrell? I’d actually like to see YOU in this pop-star outfit. How about you sneak up to my place later on? Because I think I could help you figure out how to insert MORE in to this outfit.”

“Leanne? Nobody is going to fall for this. You need to put sequined musical notes up the side of that sarong, slap her on the ass, and call her Dolly.”

“Korto! Why hold back? It’s Suede, put it on him and rip it off for authenticity. The man talks about himself in the third person – annihilate him!”

“Sooo, how’s Suede? My furrowed brow should tell you that you should make Jerrell look sexier than that. He is a sexy, sexy man. Show us his paramount sexy body.”

“Hi Kenley. Pretend you’re a designer and talk me through your design. I’m not getting the whole fitted thing… and where, for the love of God, is the hoodie? You know you’ll lose without the hoodie. Furthermore, discontinue talking down to me you pretentious little bitch. I have lint on my bathroom rug with more style than your garments, and you DARE to take that tone with me? I’m ready to throw you off a precipitous cliff. That’s all.”

EVERYONE is listening in as Tim takes Kenley down. LOVING IT!

(Tim’s visit is always my favorite part of the show!)

Wow! Kenley is in LOVE with those pants on Leanne, but do those pants look a bit ill-fitting? Korto is precious when she’s talking about Kenley! She and Jerrell are really a lot of fun tonight. The look on their faces as they assure Kenley that she is headed in the right direction for hip hop! I especially love that Korto is upping the ante with chemical warfare by using bleach fumes to throw off the game of the other designers. Brilliant!

The next morning? Suede and Kenley are very confidant, which I’m guessing will prove to be their kiss of death. Maybe they’ll both get kicked out?

So, the designers are finishing up their costumes outfits when Tim announces they have one hour to get all done up and ready to strut. “Thanks (for nothing), Tim” they all mutter. Kenley makes a statement about some bunching in the crotch, but that she didn’t think the judges would notice. BWAAHAHAHAH! The judges live for that kind of shit, they love to call out a bad crotch on the runway, hasn’t she noticed that before? Girl is sunk! Jerrell, who Kenley is relying on for hip hop advice (obviously because he’s black) is cracking me up. He’s messing with her something fierce and she totally isn’t getting it. I still cannot believe she didn’t make a hoodie. They all look great made up, except for Leanne. What’s with the horizontal bangs? Is that supposed to look like some sort of hair visor?

RUNWAY!!
Oh Holy Mother of God, LL Cool J is the guest judge!!!! Ha Ha Ha Kenley! You might as well pack now.

Leanne: sends Korto down the runway in pink satin, black skirt, and gold accents. Actually looks OK. Not great, but it is country. The skirt is a touch long.

Jerrell: sends Kenley down the runway as Kenley Spears. He did a great job, that outfit is perfect for a pop star.

Kenley: sends Leanne down the runway as… well… as some sort of badly dressed freak. There is still no hoodie, and no possible win for Kenley. Wow, that is bad. (Kenley also said that Leanne looks like a big, fat poseur. What did she expect? Leanne is Wonder Bread at it’s finest, she cannot do black girl attitude. Never.Gonna.Happen.)

Korto: sends Suede down the runway and he looks so dead on Punk! Oh holy cow, he’s faultless. Flawlessly resembling the guys I hated in high school. Korto rocks this one completely. Suede played it up so well.

Suede: sends Jerrell down the runway as a very cool rock guy. Somewhat calm for rock standards, could have dirtied it up or glammed it up… but it’s there. Jerrell does look like rock.


Time for the snarky massacre judging!

(Kenley just realized that she is screwed.)

Korto:
They love this. LL thinks it has energy. Nina thinks the pants are fab. Michael actually likes the design and fit in general.

Suede:
Michael thinks the vest is cool, but pants are expected. LL doesn’t think it is accessorized properly, Nina thinks it needs more drama, Heidi thinks Jerrell looks like he wore his own clothes.

Jerrell:
Nina, thinks it is great. Loves it! Heidi questions not having a bra, although LL seems to like this aspect of the outfit. He also likes the amount of skin showing. Michael likes it.

Kenley:
Heidi asks (in a horrified voice) “What happened to the pants?” “Those are probably the most unflattering pants I have ever seen in my life.” (And she thought they wouldn’t notice!) LL hates the jeans and that it’s not hip hop. Kenley fights back, and Nina diplomatically steps in, which I have never seen her do before. Go Nina. Michael thinks it is garish. (Is no one going to mention the lack of a hoodie?)

Leanne:
Nina thinks it doesn’t go far enough. Heidi thinks the skirt makes Korto look very nice. LL doesn’t think he’d notice this was Country if he didn’t see the boots (LL is wrong, btw), and Michael thinks she could have pushed it a little farther without being trite.

WINNER: KORTO! I love that she won.

Auffed: Suede? Are you kidding me? It wasn’t a great garment – but the wrong choice this week. I don’t like Suede's designs any more than any of you – and he doesn’t deserve to go to Bryant Park… but Kenley was the loser this week. By far. She got the judges to feel sorry for her somehow. That was a pity save. For the record, Kenley? THIS is hip hop: