I think he’d rather I just say “Happy New Year” and not share the details

My husband is completely freaked out right now.

I just informed him that, until the FSA money hits our account we have $8.15 in our checking account. (We have almost $1200 in outstanding FSA money, problem is that since it’s automatically issued back to us I’ve never tracked how long that takes to get in to our account… one week? Two? Crap!) Payday is on the 4th, so it’s not like we’re destitute for long, and we do have credit cards so it isn’t like the children will go without milk (and there is a bit of emergency savings – but I’m really bad about replenishing that when I dip in to it). The worst part was when I told him that there is $30 left in his ATM account, and then he’s empty until payday. (Which is not a big deal unless you take in to account that he’s going to the Bronco game this afternoon with a friend and they are having lunch before hand.) A look of panic crossed his face! I’m sure he’s upstairs right now checking all of his coats and pockets for extra money.

Is this the first time this has happened? Sadly, no. But, usually when I find our account this low it’s because I’ve paid bills the night before payday and I know when I wake up in the morning things will be fine again.

Sometimes we just spend too much money during the month. Like almost every single December! And, this year we found ourselves in need of using up a large sum of FSP money (the tax free money you save out from your paychecks to pay for medical expenses not covered by insurance. Plastic surgery? Sadly not eligible or I’d be much better looking). Dental appointments, eye exams (glasses use up a huge amount of FSA money! Yea!), chiropractor visits for Husband. Of course, I wrote checks for all of this stuff! Of course it came back to bite me in the ass! Of course I won’t learn my lesson from this!

Oh well. Stuff happens.

Happy New Year!

By far the coolest thing my kids got for Christmas (that we didn't give them ourselves)

Is this.......

It's called "Find It" (A Contained Adventure).

It's a cylindar filled with small multi colored beads, and inside along with the thousands of beads are - among other things - a push pin, dice, bobby pin, popcorn kernel, fishing hook, pipe cleaner, feather, pearl, wiggle eye, gold ring, bow, and about 5o other little things. You have to keep turning it and twisting it and tapping it to find new stuff. It's crazy, and it's fun. Made me laugh when "a lightbulb" turned out to be a christmas light. I could play with this for a very long time.

Second coolest thing would have to be High School Musical Mystery Date! I loved playing Mystery Date when I was a little girl - my next door neighbor, Melissa, and I used to play all the time! Such a great reminder that some things don't change. (Except now it's Troy and Karaoke instead of Tennis Guy and Bowling.)

Also, my husband got Guitar Hero II. He's been at it for two nights now trying to get it right. SO FUNNY to watch. I'm dying to give it a go - but I think I'll get good when he's not around and then pretend I'm all naturally talented! Problem is it's like all rocked out metal music - not really my passion.

Probably the best thing I got was the DVD set of the BBC documentary "Planet Earth." Also, Husband got me the SIMS (which I told him NOT to do, as my addictive personality will lead me down a bad path with a game like that). His reaction was, "So?" - which I am taking as his personal permission to become a SIMS addict, the new millenium version of watching soap operas and eating bon bons all day. His fault. (Because I? Am all about the I-Told-You-So scenario!) Also, Husband got me the plug and play version of a golf game that was really popular in bars when we were dating. (It was a pretty cheap way to spend an evening, game of golf over a pitcher of beer. We've always been the classy, exciting couple in town!) I thought that was cute... he was all excited when I was opening it. The girls didn't think it was such a great gift, but it made me smile.

I hope your Christmas was wonderful, and happy! That you didn't rack up too many credit card bills, and that you are looking foward to the New Year in peace now that your kids have enough new toys to keep them busy for the rest of winter break.

XOXO!

Because I know you all have a lot of time to waste this time of year...

I'm going to post several things you should look at this Christmas season!

THIS is very cute, especially if you like Hippos!

HERE is a little Snowball fight starring the Morrisons!

THIS link might have been helpful to Jaime Lynn Spears about 4 months ago!

If you were a crappy Christmas gift, what would you be? Click HERE to find out!

Feeling stupid? THIS probably won't help!

Want (Need?) your kids to be quiet for five minutes? Clicking HERE may give you some resources to help!

Want (Need?) another five minutes? THIS could be fun for them!

Need to doodle? HERE you go!

Want to kick some ass next time you play Trivial Pursuit? THIS is your ticket!

OK, so unless Dakota Fanning gets pregnant and OK Magazine pays her a MILLION DOLLARS for her story, I probably won't be blogging until after Christmas. I will, however, be reading blogs when I'm bored... so keep updating yours!

Joyeux Noel!

Let me jump on the band wagon...

Because you aren't a blogger until you post something about this little tart getting all pregnant at the age of 16....

Yes, Britney's sister is pregnant. Britney's sister is 16. SIXTEEN. Her boyfriend is 19. This is wrong on so many levels, so I'll just jump up on my soapbox and get started:

1. Celebrity glorifying pregnant teens. Yet another reason to never even enter your child in so much as a beautiful baby contest... THIS is where they end up.

2. Boyfriend is 19, and he's obviously been having sex with this 16 year old girl. When did that become legal? Shouldn't there be a warrant out for his arrest at this point?

3. Her sister is a world class screw up... so why would her parents think it was OK to sacrifice yet another daughter to the evils of celebrity without proper parenting?

4. The article says that she is pregnant by her "live in" boyfriend. WHAT? She is SIXTEEN years old! This isn't a case of her sneaking around and having sex without her parents knowing about it. SHE was LIVING with him. I'm sorry, but when your kid is 16 you still call the shots. I'm not saying that the parents could have kept her from having sex - but come on! Letting your kid live with someone of the opposite sex at that age is just asking for something like this to happen. For God's sake drag her behind back home and parent her.

5. Making it cool to have a baby out of wedlock, which I'm afraid is happening all around us and this isn't helping. Morally, not for me. Logically, I'm fine with adults making that kind of decision, although I think the world would be a lot more stable place if every child had two loving parents who were committed to each other. This isn't a Utopian world. Shit happens. But, the more this happens and is accepted the bigger the chance that by the time my kids are that age this will be acceptable to society. Shouldn't we use her as an example of what NOT to do?

6. Her mother is working on a book about parenting. Lynn Spears? Credible to author a book on parenting? Probably not. (Not saying that I am either, it's not that I think I'm better than she is - but I can hope!)

7. What ever happened to the Hollywood hushed up abortions? You know that starlets get pregnant, and have it taken care of all the time - and have since Hollywood became Hollywood. I'm not saying this is a great alternative... and I'm not generally pro-abortion, but you can damn sure bet that if my daughters get pregnant before the age of 18 I would present this as an option. That and adoption. I'm not proud of this, but babies having and raising babies is not a good idea in this society. (I'll answer to God for my opinions, I have no doubt.) This girl cannot go through a pregnancy and give it up to a family that wants a baby- the media would never let that happen. They would find out where that baby was and make it's life and the life of it's family hell.

OK, I might be done. I reserve the right to edit this post to add more from my soapbox if anything else comes to mind. As for right now, I seriously have to sit down and contemplate what I am exposing my children to on a daily basis. I'm not going to be able to shelter them too much, as that wouldn't prepare them for real life very well... but I need to take a better look around me for bad influences. I also need to stop following Celebrity gossip so closely! (You know I'm not going cold turkey on this, though. right?)

Just call me...

Your Elf Name Is...

Dixie Mince Meat

What's Your Elf Name?

The Conversation in which I am no longer Caucasian

DD2 and I were getting the stuff out to start our Christmas card mailing, and she spotted our return address labels. (Here is the link in case you want to order some for yourselves.) Anyway, she is looking at the label and points to the depiction of me.

DD2: “You’re white here.”

Me: “Yes. I’m white there.” (What?)

DD2: “Why are you white here?”

Me: “Honey, are you white in real life?”

DD2: “Yes.”

Me: “Is Daddy white?”

DD2: “Yes.”

Me: “Is your sister white?”

DD2: “Yes.”

Me: “Well, what color is mommy in real life?”

DD2: (in a voice that is so very casual and matter-of-fact) “You’re BROWN.”


DH and I always wanted to raise children who were basically “blind” to people being different on the outside from each other. It's what is inside a person that counts. I’d have to say mission accomplished… sort of.

DD1, she's on a roll...

We're in the car late this afternoon, and I show her the case from the new Christmas CD we're listening to. It's from Target, Disney's 2007 release. She is looking at the picture on the front.

DD1: "Where do you think Daisy is? She's not in the picture."

Me: "I don't know. Maybe she was busy, or she was sick that day."

DD1: (with a look on her face like she hopes to God I'm not that dumb) "Mom.... it's a drawing of characters. They DRAW them."

She cracks me up sometimes....

The setting: I'm driving home after DD1's dance class. DD1 and DD2 are both in the car. KOSI Christmas music is playing on the radio, an instrumental adaptation of Jingle Bell Rock has started to play.

DD1: Hey! It's in Karaoke!

Ohhhh, Tracy found something very cool!

I am a faithful artist. I kind of like that!

Find out what you are HERE. (And please share!)

So, the home repairs are NOT over...

Curiously enough, there seems to be no end to the amount of money it takes to maintain our house. I thought we'd sort of reached the end, but it managed to find something else to break which would interrupt our lives and demand to be fixed.

The Garage Door Opener.

I realize that people lived for centuries, nay... millennia, with no automatic garage door openers. (Can you imagine the medieval stable boy's reaction to such a thing?) But, I've grown up with them. I find that it is a necessity in life, which is why God made sure I was born in the USA during these modern times. Hair dryers, air conditioning, high speed internet access, HBO, and garage door openers. There is a reason that my peace corps application was not accepted (besides the fact that emergent third world countries probably need more help building bridges and water purification than being taught arts and crafts). I need modern conveniences. I rely on modern conveniences. I am no pioneer.

New Genie Garage Door Opener: $377 (installed)
Not having to park in the driveway because I am too lazy to open my garage door manually: priceless.

(I know, the above has been done to death... but I thought it was funny! And? It's my blog.)

The baby has a birthday

My youngest child turns 5 on Friday.

I’m of two minds on this milestone.

One: It is implausible for me that this is happening. She’s my baby, my youngest child. It cannot possibly be time for her to be a little girl instead of a baby. She’s old enough to start kindergarten. (Well, not till next school year… but I’m indulging myself in my own little pity party – bare with me.) How can it be that she isn’t two anymore? With that toothy smile that was hilarious, her baby talk, her needing me so much. I will never again have a baby. Every month now she needs me a tiny bit less. It’s time for her to become a person separate from her mommy – and it is heartbreaking for me.

Which brings me to my second mind: It’s kind of freeing at the same time, her growing up. For those of you who don’t know, I’ve suffered from depression (postpartum and clinical) on and off (mostly on) since the birth of my first child. Maybe it’s unrelated, her growing up and leaving the baby stage and my feeling my depression subside, but I have to wonder because suddenly, in the last 3 or 4 months, I’ve begun to feel like “me” again. Not that I have my “old life” back or anything like that – I wouldn’t want to trade what I have now for my old life. I remember telling my OB/Gyn that I just wanted to feel like myself again when DD1 was about 6 months old. He told me I’d never feel like that person again… and I had stopped hoping that someday I ever would. I let that hope go years ago. But, since sometime in July I started feeling… I don’t know… more free. Free of shadows that were making me not so much myself. (“Shadows” is as close as I can get to the word I’m looking for. Murky vague darkness, suffocating but not. See? Writing is not ever going to be my strongest creative outlet!) Suddenly, I’m glimpsing and feeling me again.

You won’t see much of a difference outwardly. I worked really hard at appearing like everything was OK, and except for a few stumbles I think I did a pretty good job of being OK. It was exhausting pretending to be someone who didn’t really exist. I’m not as emotionally drained anymore, which in itself is freeing. I think I’m a becoming a better wife and mom now, and I can truly appreciate the blessings in my life. My life is good.

I don’t think I’m unchanged. Being a mom changes you. Depression changes you. But maybe coming out of a depression changes you too?

She’s turning five.

I’m sad.
I’m happy.
I’m torn.

A conversation

(A conversation between me and DD1 the other day... the boy's name has been changed because she'd kill me if she knew I'd blabbed to the world!)

DD1: I can't help it, whenever I look at Joe I can't help smiling.

Me: Maybe you think he's cute? He's a pretty cute little kid.

DD1: I don't know. Do you think I'm crushing on him?

Me: Do YOU think you're crushing on him?

DD1: No. I can't be crushing on him. He's a first grader.

Me: ...and it's not OK to crush on a first grader?

DD1: (giving me her first "you SO don't get it" eye-roll) Mom! He still has all his BABY TEETH!"

A Book Review

Last week I read "The Year of Living Biblically", a memoir by A.J. Jacobs. The premise is that Jacobs will spend one year living his life according to the literal word of the Bible. (Old and New testaments.) He assembles a group of spiritual advisors, since he is a secular, agnostic New Yorker without much in his history regarding biblical law and customs.

What could have been a completely blasphemous (if not hilarious) book is actually a well written, very funny, sincere, non judgmental account of Jacobs trying as hard as he can to try to live a truly Biblical life. He immerses himself to make it as genuine and earnest as possible – taking it all very seriously. His self-deprecating humor lets us laugh at his attempts to follow the laws and codes of the bible, and his take on following the purity codes of Leviticus had me rolling. (His wife, Julie, was not on this journey with him – although they remained living under the same roof. Her actions of sitting on each chair, bed, and sofa in the apartment during her “time of the month” just so he couldn’t did provide me with a good laugh.) The dietary restrictions he followed were also amusing in this day and age.

Jacobs visits all sorts of people during his year. Conservative orthodox Jews, Creationists, Evolutionists, several types of fundamentalist Christians, even a Snake handler in Virginia are all a part of his journey. He worships with gay Christians, hangs out with real Samaritans, gets to know an Amish gentleman, and has a bit of an epiphany coming to understand that they all have the heartfelt belief that they are guided by the true words of God through the Bible.

He is a seeker himself, and embraces things such as tithing, charity, truthfulness, and even learns to appreciate keeping holy on the Sabbath – which is something he really ends up looking forward to each week. He naturally doesn’t perform animal sacrifice, but does try to mentally put himself in to the shoes of those who performed those types of rituals. (Actually, I take that back. He does sacrifice a chicken with some Hasidic Jews now that I think about it.) He performs acts and follows commandments that I didn’t even realize were in the Bible – and I have to again fess up in regards to my ignorance of the Bible. I’m familiar with most of the big stories, and have read more of the New Testament than the Old… but a lot of what Jacobs went through was news to me.

I liked this book. I really liked this book. I would highly recommend this book to just about anyone. I have a copy if you want to borrow it. If religions interest you at all, I think you’d enjoy reading this memoir. I laughed many times, and his journey did change his life a little in the end.

His genuineness is noble, and his memoir of this journey is really worth the read.

Scrapbooking? It's a little like crack...

...VERY addicting! Here is yet another one...

Fall Break is over

I always hate it when the school breaks come to an end. A week just doesn't seem long enough. At least we're at the beginning of all the great break time for the holidays. Conferences, Thanksgiving, and 2 weeks at Christmas! Yea!!

So, I digi-scrapped some pictures from our break trip. Not all of them, you won't see the pandas or other animals from the zoo. What you will mostly see is my kids having fun. I've posted them at flickr... HERE to be exact. You can click to see them if you wish. (I hate to force you to look at my vacation photos - otherwise I'd plan a playgroup and borrow my father's slide projector!)

Ahhh, it's good to be home. Between the east coast / mountain time zone switch and the end of daylight saving time I have no idea what time it is anymore. I know it's only a perceived spell of sleep deprivation, but it's making me so yawny.

Time to sleep. (I think it's 11:30pm. Could be 10:30pm, or might be 12:30am... I've no idea.) Sleep tight!

So glad we came...

Dr. J, Princess Moose, DD1 and DD2... ready for Trick or Treat!
Cousins ready to go... bags up!

My sister and I at the after treating wind down / candy sample.

(I did find a way to post... there is a computer in the room where we are all staying!) We had beautiful weather for trick or treating, and the houses were decorated so cute. I have lots of pictures to post when we get back this weekend. Today we are off to see MM!!

Peace out

I'm off, y'all. ATL is my home base for the next 5. Not bringing the laptop wit me, just chillin.
Martha, I'll hit yo tag another day.

Peace out.

(See? Tragically suburban and still hip! How does she do it?)

Never going to be a morning person

OK, I don't really get this whole "morning person" vs. "night owl" thing. See, I've never been a morning person, but as I get older the "night owl" has also vanished from my personality. How can that be? Is there a classification called, "Really more middle of the day, even better with a nap" kind of person?

I got up this morning, and it's my day to drive the carpool to the tech center. (You know, in lieu of a private school, or moving to the area in question) I was REALLY sleepy, so I hopped in the shower hoping it would wake me up. It didn't, really, but at least the shower was out of the way.

Problem is, I'm so used to taking my shower later in the morning (or early afternoon - as those of you who know me are going to shout is the real truth), now I keep looking at the clock thinking, "I have got to shower before DH gets home." Then it hits me, I've already showered.

Early onset Alzheimer's, or just 42 and confused?

Anyway, the moral of the story is that it never pays to get going too early in the morning. It just throws off the entire day.

Anybody score World Series Tickets?

BESIDES MY BROTHER, that is??!!!!!!

Sister, Sister, Brother, and myself agreed to go in on tickets so that my dad could go to see his Rockies play in their first world series... IF one of us could score the tickets. Thanks to my brother my dad is going to the World Series for the first time in his 81 years - and he has been a faithful Rockies fan since their inception.

My brother and dad will be at the Sunday game (game 4?). They have two tickets in a suite. How cool is that? AND, since they got the tickets at face value, it isn't even like the 4 of us kids have to come up with a fortune.

My brother? ROCKS!!!

Update on the Ebay thing....

OK, my 4 items sold for a grand total of: $90.89 (not including shipping)

Think I should print a copy of each sale out and deliver them personally to the ebay store near here who wouldn't sell my stuff for me because they thought it wouldn't sell?

(insert evil laugh here)

Pardon me while I rant

To the Parents of the filthy little street urchins children who come in contact with my daughters on a daily basis,

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you for being the cause of an upsurge of family togetherness we here at the Morrison household have recently experienced. However, family time for us is usually more enjoyable when one or more of us is not moaning in discomfort on the couch, or afraid to leave the bathroom for fear of not being able to get back there quickly enough.

My DD1 has now got strep and coxsackievirus (which has resulted in herpangina and high fever). Of course, coxsackievirus is VERY contagious, so my DD2 gets to share in the fun. Hers has manifested itself in herpangina, a high fever, and hemorrhagic conjunctivitis. (If your response was "ewwwww", you hit the nail on the head.) Now, this in itself might not sound that awful to you - as a single sickness doesn't really interrupt one's life for more than about a week. However, your viral carrying unwashed offspring kids have given my kids several viruses and or bacterial infections in the last few weeks, which has resulted in my being sick for 6 weeks, and has cost us upwards of $75 in doctors' office visit co-pays, and $40 in prescription costs to alleviate either the nasty bacteria or horrific viral symptoms such as not sleeping for 4 days because DD1 couldn't lie down and still remain breathing at the same time.

I am working with my children to wash their hand whenever possible. I insist that their teachers keep hand sanitizer in a handy location and mention it's use several times a day. But you know what I do that y'all don't seem to understand? I KEEP MY KIDS HOME WHEN THEY ARE SICK because I know that kids are kids - and don't wash their hands often enough if an adult isn't right there to remind them to do so. I do not let them go to school with a fever. I do not let them go to dance class when nose and eyes are running uncontrollably. I do not let them play soccer when I know the running will cause them to start coughing uncontrollably (again) in to the faces of the other players.

Please, for my sanity if nothing else, stop infecting my family. Because I? Am QUEEN of revenge...and no one is capable of spreading germs like a secretious 4 year old! (Which, as luck would have it, I happen to have!)

Consider yourselves warned.

Ebay

Those of you who know me know that I love Ebay. LOVE IT! I have bought lots of stuff – books, kids clothing, toys, house wares, etc., and I could spend hours searching for obscure things that are for sale. I am highly amused by ebay, and think it is a wonderful invention.

That said; I am a person who (even though I buy from ebay) should NEVER sell things on ebay.

Why?

Because I become a woman obsessed.

I obsess over how many people have viewed my items. Are the pictures still showing as well as they did yesterday? Why aren’t they bidding on my stuff yet? Don’t they know that there are only 6 days left on the auction and this is PRIME STUFF? Stop “watching” my product and JUST BID ALREADY!!!

Now, I may be overly a bit hypocritical. I myself own what is known as sniping software. (You enter all the information and the software goes in at the last 15 seconds of the auction to bid for you.) Some people think this is cheating. I don’t. Auctions are competition, and it’s not like they’re doing random tests on the winners to see if they used power bid enhancing substances. (Which in reality would be what? Coffee?) It levels the playing field for those of us who cannot spend those last 10 minutes of each and every auction they enter to bid over and over again in hopes of winning. Also, because I tend to get a little caught up in the Auction Action, I find that I overbid if I don’t use my snipe software to control my top bid amounts.

But should other people use this? Maybe… but not on my stuff! I want to see bids out there. I want the excitement of watching my shower curtain (new in package) fly past $4.00 to $5.95 that first day!

Stop me before I sell again!

You’d think I’d have a fighting chance once in a while

I’m getting closer to being 43 years old than I like to admit, and have had at least 2 colds every year of my life since birth. Probably twice that, actually. Now, as I understand viruses, once you have them you develop immunities towards that specific viral strain. Yes?

My daughters have YET to bring home a virus to which I am immune. Have all the colds I experienced as a child left the country? Do they live in Estonia now, infecting 40 year olds there, while their germs are now around this side of the globe? Will that particularly harsh cold I had when I was 9 head back this way to torture my children in their 50’s?

I realize that there are literally thousands of different types of viruses out there, what with mutating being such a popular viral Olympic sport. But come on! NOT ONE that I’ve already had has been around in the past 7½ years?

These upper respiratory germ killers that I have been cultivating for my entire life? Useless. Absolutely useless. Every time one of my kids starts to get stuffy, it’s only a matter of time before I’m right there with them.

Cough cough.

Snuffle.

AAAAUUGGGGGHHHHHHH.

From Antique Mommys blog

"So I ask you, if you were ridiculously wealthy, what is that one (just one) extravagant thing you would have?"


Dodi's response: A live in maid / cook. (She / He can live in the toy room!)

And you? What would your extravagant thing be?

The Fundraisers start early in Cherry Creek!

DD2 is doing a preschool fund raiser? Who knew about these? Have preschools in CC always done fundraising?





Anyway, at least it's a good one. It's........ (drum roll please)............

BUTTER BRAIDS!

Butter Braids are so yummy and gooey and delicious. The perfect treat when you have the neighbors over for coffee. Also, the holidays are coming up - nothing impresses a mother-in-law more than a freshly baked pastry for breakfast or brunch. How about a new Thanksgiving dessert tradition? Hey, maybe you could try leaving something original for Santa this year? The possibilities are endless!

Anyone need to stock up? I could mail to Aussie, but they'll probably thaw and spoil on the way! (Plus, I don't think they make a Vegemite Butter Braid!) I think I have a week or two to take orders. I'll even have DD2 bring the order form around to you for signing.



Big Love!

Do you read The QC Report?

OK, if you have children and they have ever been sick you MUST read this blog entry on the QC Report.

She is a wonderful writer! This post had me laughing out loud.

Say Goodbye to my little G rating!

OK, this? Probably the funniest thing I've seen in a while. (My comedic sense is obviously VERY upper class and refined!) Look closely. It took me a second to figure it out. (My dh? Got it immediately!)

Spamalot

OK, I'm sorry Mrs. Nielson... I loved it. LOVED.

It was so darn clever, and I laughed so hard. It was like a two tiered plot, in that they told the Monty Python Holy Grail story, with all the wonderful whimsy and british humor you expect - but they also wove in satirical references to other big musical productions and they seemed to totally fit in to the chaos that is Monty Python. It was fresh - and I didn't think that was going to be possible. I was delighted, and DH even liked it. (He's not much of a theatre guy.)

I would see it again in a heartbeat - because I think I was laughing so hard in spots that I missed some really great stuff.

I really wanted to get the soundtrack and the killer bunny slippers - but we're on a budget. Damn!

Hopefully she'll recover from the shock

DD1 loves banana chocolate chip muffins. Love may not be a strong enough word.

I had some aging bananas on the counter, and after she went to bed the other night I thought, “hmmm, I’ll bet she’d love it if I surprised her with banana chocolate chip muffins in the morning.” (DH is out of town, so I don’t have anyone to talk me out of it.) So I start down the list of muffin ingredients. Flour, sugar, vanilla, and eggs. Those are a given. We always have those. And baking soda, another staple. Butter? We’re out. We do have some Crisco though, so that’ll work… and what is that behind the Crisco? Brown sugar, and it’s soft!. Rock on! Mashed bananas? My bananas are getting so old they’ve practically mashed themselves. Why don’t I bake more? I seem to have all the ingredients. Chocolate chips? Well, hey look at that – right there in the pantry of doom. Who’d of thought? Baking powder. Oh. Problem. Can’t I just use more baking soda? Suppose they probably wouldn’t have listed it separately if it didn’t really matter. The odds of me having baking powder? Not great. I’m just going to rummage in the cupboard above the stove… HEY! I have Baking Powder! And it’s in a can that has never even been opened.

The Gods are smiling down on the Morrison household – all the ingredients are here in my house. I would have never believed it, I can actually bake something without making a special trip to the store. Now, some of you may take things like this for granted… but some of you don’t live in my world. My world is never so simple.

I bake up the muffins.

They turn out perfectly. (Another thing that wasn’t a foregone conclusion!)

DD1 wakes up in the morning and is totally thrilled by her breakfast surprise. (DD2 hates muffins on general principal, which is weird for her since they are composed of refined carbohydrates. Her main food group.)

DD1: “Mom, I didn’t even see you buying muffin mix at the store.”
Me: “I didn’t have to. I actually baked them from scratch.”
DD1: “No, these are good.”
Me: “Thank you. I really did make them myself.”
DD1: “Well, it’s good. You need to get some more of that muffin mix.”

Martha Stewart? No.
Me? Yes. And even I can make some darn good muffins if I just stop to look around the kitchen once in a while.

Need my neighbors help

Been a while since you've had a family portrait done? Here's the deal: I need portfolio material, and I'd need permission to use your portraits on a website next year. If you'd like me to shoot a family portrait for your Christmas cards this year, I'd love to. No charge, but you'd have to pay for the cards yourself! I will give you the pictures (retouched to your liking, as in I can make you younger or thinner if you are in to that kind of thing - like I am!) to you on a CD, and recommend a company to do the photo cards for you, or you can do the Safeway or Walgreen's photo cards. I will shoot in any location you choose - but if you want a shot in the mountains you'll have to let me ride up with you. I know where a few locations are that might be neat here in town.

Seriously, I really need you guys. I can either do photos of the entire family, just kids, or just individual shots of kids and create a collage for you. Let me know if you are interested and we'll come up with something that is perfect for your family.

Come on, it'll be so fun! Help a sister (wife) out! Tell your friends that don't read my blog (so, that means tell everyone, because almost nobody reads my blog!). My goal is 10 finished portraits for card use, or you could print and frame them to give as gifts if you like, I can have them professionally printed for you at cost.

Enough begging yet?

Maybe I'll let her grow up just a little bit...

DD2 has been bugging me to cut her hair "short" ever since her sister got her hair bobbed earlier this summer. I really thought it would pass if I could just get her in to preschool and she could see the other little girls with longer hair.

Know what? It didn't pass. Every day she would ask me, "Can I get my hair cut short today?"

Every. Single. Day.

So, on Monday I surprised her. "Can I get my hair cut short today?" "Yep! You have an appointment at Lollilocks at 11:10."

She was THRILLED. Smiled the entire time she was getting her hair cut, as I quietly wept inside my head - a little harder each time one of her baby curls hit the ground.

So now, I present to you the NEW and IMPROVED DD2! (Of course, just like any hair cut, I'll never be able to get it to look like this again!)

If you're looking for some good blog reading

I found a new blog that I am loving going through and reading. She is a wonderful writer, and her posts - for the most part - speak to me. I laugh out loud a lot, and sometimes she has brought me to tears. If you have time on your hands, and are one who likes to find a good blog and like reading through their older posts I highly recomment Antique Mommy.

She seems like a girlfriend. She has the soul of a true "sisterwife". (You Big Love fans know what I mean by that.) Trust me, Lois isn't easily moved by others!

The Meanest Practical Joke

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1774718

(Forgive me, but my blog will not let me embed this video. Probably nothing I'm doing wrong with the Html... that just wouldn't make any sense!)

Anyway, this is the best practical joke I've ever seen. So very mean and truly clever.

God, I wish I had thought of this first!! Sure, he'll probably burn in hell - but it would almost be worth it.

(There goes my karma alarm again. Dang, if I could only manage to be nice for two days running my karma would be in a lot better shape!)

All Ages Admited

Apparently it is now OK to expose any one of any age to the words "nude", "bitches", and "f**k", because my blog got a G rating.
Also OK? Governmental Conspiracy Theories and the knowledge that Santa isn't real.
Feel free to let your emergent reader have a go - I'm G Rated!

I think I like her better in prairie skirts and high collars

What I don't have? Is Big Love for this outfit. Just sayin. Thats all.

A strange thing happened on the way to the land of Nod…

Background: When daughters get tucked in at night, we snuggle for two songs. During the first song, they can talk to me and ask any questions or voice any concerns they might need to get off their mind before sleeping. (As they are 7 and 4 we’ve yet to encounter something that could not be answered in the space of a couple of minutes – at least enough of an answer to give then enough peace to sleep.) Now, on to my entry.

I’m tucking in the girls last night, and have a brain full of cold medicine, so maybe this incident isn’t as weighty as I happen to think?

DD1 always gets her snuggles second. (Just because, that’s why.) During her first song she turns away from me and states, “I just feel like something bad is about to happen.” I’m intrigued. “Like what? Soccer won’t be fun? You might have a bad dream? You might not like lunch tomorrow?” “No,” replies DD1, “Like someone bad wants to take over the whole world.” Oh. Don’t I feel foolish? “Well, honey, I don’t think anyone really wants to take over the WHOLE world.” DD1, “Why not?” Me, “Umm, well, I find taking care of a family of 4 to be somewhat overwhelming – I can’t imaging being responsible for 5 billion people.” I smile, so she knows I’m being silly – and usually this just makes her smile too and we’re done. Not tonight. DD1 then asks, “Mom, what is a puppet master?” (Wha? Where exactly is this going?) Me, “Remember when we saw ‘The Sound of Music’, and they put on the puppet show for the dad? The people who were making the puppets dance were the puppet masters.” (thinking to myself: Is this even remotely correct?) Daughter, “You mean those puppets with strings? What are those?” Me, “Marionettes.” Daughter, “How do the puppet masters know how to make them dance?” Me, “I imagine it takes a lot of practice.” Daughter: “Maybe we’re the puppets with strings. What are they again?” Me, “Marionettes. And, no… we’re not someone’s marionettes. There are no strings on our arms and we possess free will.” (Running through my head: Please don’t ask me about free will. Please don’t ask me about fee will….) Daughter: “If we were they could make us fly. They could make us do anything.”

From the other bed pipes up DD2, “God runs the whole world. He created it.”

DD1, “Oh, right. Good night mom.”

Is my daughter, at age 7, really starting to fear governmental conspiracy theories? Or is that the cold medicine reasoning for me?

This? Is why you cannot do drugs when you’re a parent. I suppose I always knew that – but who knew that Alka Seltzer Plus could skew your perceptions so drastically?

And, lastly, I think I’m going to let DD2 run the Q & A from now on. She seems surprisingly insightful!

8 things meme

I've seen this before on random blogs - but I saw it on a blog today where the person had made one change. List 8 things about yourself, but make one of them untrue. Let's see if you can guess which is untrue!

8. I have over 40 first cousins

7. I have an art degree

6. I speak passable French

5. In college, pledges of our sorority were afraid of me.

4. I love historical fiction

3. My husband and I were married on a Friday

2. There are no nude pictures of me

1. my favorite flower is a lily

So.... how well do you really know me? I'm going to email my 4 friends now and issue the same challenge to them. (Ok, I have a few more than 4 friends... but only 4 that blog. That I know of.)

Are you ever too young for MP3 technology?

OK, let me start this entry by giving you some background. DD1 was brought up on music such as "The Wiggles", "Greg and Steve", "Raffi", "Sesame Street", etc. until she was well past the age of 5. Then, because she was outgrowing the preschool stuff, I let her listen to Radio Disney once in a while... but still playing the preschool stuff most of the time because I figured DD2 deserved the same excellence in parenting that DD1 had. Monitor what they hear and see - and hopefully it will do some good. (Not that I didn't let them watch Shrek, or anything pg... but you get the idea.)

Guess what happened? DD2 decided along with DD1 that the preschool songs bit the big one, and only wanted the more modern Disney exposure. (Hillary, High School Musical, Hannah, you know - the TWEEN music.) So much for protecting DD2's right to excellent parenting - - she is now very put out if we pop in "The Wiggles", and it's much easier to drive without the tantrums that withholding Radio Disney causes.

I got Husband an IPod for Christmas last year. He had a small MP3 player before that, so he LOVED the 30gigs that the IPod provided. Music, movies, etc. Managing his music inventory is now a hobby of his. This left the old MP3 player not being used. Cue DD1 entering second grade - and us thinking it might be fun for her to have the MP3 player loaded with the tween music that she loves. Maybe I can steer DD2 back the way I want her to go.

(You see where this is going, yes?)

DD2 will NOT be steered back to preschool music.

NOT. INTERESTED. Thank. You.

Now she screams that sister has something so very cool of her very own - and by saying "she screams" you should read that as: "a high pitched noise capable of shattering glass is escaping from her lungs and my ears are starting to bleed."

So, I have an idea. I will not get her her OWN mp3 player... but I will lend her mine. Filled with music that is acceptable - even some Aly and AJ.

She is in heaven. DD1 is OK because her mp3 is hers, and DD2's is only borrowed from Mom. DD2 is in heaven because she thinks now she is just as hip as big sister. Mom is in heaven because my ears have stopped bleeding. Dad is suspicious that Mom gave in to DD2 at too early of an age, and that we should have waited until she was a bit older.

He's probably right. But there is only really so much screaming I can listen to before I'm going to have to up my prozac dosage - - and do any of us really want that?

It is true, the second child has a much more "relaxed" upbringing.

First child: rigid nap schedule, gymboree classes, all new outfits at just the right age, fully monitored visual and audio input.
Second child: They nap around older sister's schedule, we pay attention to them during sister's ballet classes instead of taking them to gymboree class, they wear the hand-me-down when they fit... hopefully it's the correct season, and they pretty much get to watch and listen to what big sister watches and listens to.

It is probably a good thing Husband and I stopped at two children. If this were to continue I can only imagine that the fourth or fifth child would have had their ears pierced in utero, would have known all the words to, "It's the best of both worlds" instead of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star", and instead of "Baby Einstein" she would watch "High School Musical" in her bouncy seat. And I probably wouldn't be sitting next to her talking about the colors and music. I'd be screaming for DD1 to get in to the family room and watch the baby.

I personally am the youngest of six children.

I? Could have been raised by aliens and my parents wouldn't have minded.

I Predict

My friend sent me an email that we were supposed to fill in with our answer and then pass it on. Well, most of my friends (all what? 4 friends that I have?) usually hate to get these kinds of emails - and I do too. So, I thought I'd blog it. If you want to also blog it - the more the merrier.

What is it that you predict?

Seems like a broad question doesn't it? Well, my friend predicted that shoulder pads would be back in within 5 years. So, I guess they're not looking for something really deep and meaningful here... so I predict:

Stainless Steel Appliances are on their way out, in favor of newer more innovative metal finishes. Dark Bronze, Brushed nickel, etc. I think stainless has gone as far as it's going to go - and will go the way of avocado green in that it will say "early 21st century" like pink said "50's" and avocado green said "70's" Granite is also going - but will never disappear. Quartz is the big up and coming popular counter top treatment. Polished concrete may also become popular.

Not that any of this should mean anything to you. I hardly have a decorating degree, or great taste for that matter. It's just what "I predict..."

That's all. You can get back to your life now, and thanks for stopping by.

Big Love,
Dodi

Lois and the Back to School Supplies

Tomorrow is DD1's first day of second grade! Holy cow, I am not ready for that! Emotionally, that is. Physically we have everything we need to get her off and running - - but that wasn't the case earlier today. Let's backtrack, shall we?

Friday night was the family back to school picnic. (Yea!) Got to meet her teacher. (Yea!) Heard all about the curriculum. (Yea!) Saw old friends. (Yea!) Went to pick up "The Box" that I had ordered last spring. (Boo!) Why Boo? BECAUSE IT WASN'T THERE! Now, if you don't know what "the box" is, it's the magical box of all the correct school supplies that the PTCO organizes for us every spring for the following fall. It has everything, and it's at a very good price - so this year I was going with "The Box." Everyone always raves about how "the box" had saved them time and how "the box" was so easy. I was looking forward to it - I had even throw away the supply list that was mailed to me... confidant that "The Box" was going to be waiting for us on Friday night.

My packet of information was there. No Box.

Track down the PTCO lady who is in charge of organizing "The Box" shipments. I am not on the spreadsheet, so no box was ordered. She asks me if my payment has gone through. Ummm, well, see I'm not normally that attentive to the mastercard statements. I glance to see if the charges all look like something we might have actually charged - but I don't really download the specifics to my brain. So I can't tell her the answer. She gives me the big "eye roll" (and I assume this is the same eye roll taught to ALL PTCO members nationwide, so I'm sure you've seen it if you've had to deal with them at all), and says, "Then I'm not sure there is anything we can do for you, but I'm looking for someone to take over this position - and if you think it could use improving you're more than welcome to have the job." Excuse me? I wasn't even my usual patronizing self - I was being polite and she gave me the eye roll and "the speech". (Now, I'm plenty familiar with "the speech", having been on pool committee for a number of years I've been know to give "the speech" a time or two... but only when truly warranted... usually.)

Now, I'm pissed off. I look at her and reply, "Actually, I don't see myself as a PTCO member in that capacity. I'm more of a people person." But, truthfully, its not really her that has me all po'd... it's the fact that the weekend before school starts I have to begin my search for school supplies. Crap! You know all the good stuff is gone - and that I'm going to have to visit 3 stores to get everything on the list because Walmart is sure to have only half the stuff, while Target will have about a third, and Office Max will be my expensive last resort "go to" for the missing supplies. AND, don't bother shopping in the part of town that is closest to my house - because school started here over a month ago, and the stores are now on to Halloween with BACK TO SCHOOL dwindled to one crummy isle next to the clearance summer toys.

But we managed to get her supplies. All of them. For only about $5.oo more than the box would have cost me if they had actually not lost my form.

Next year, I'm finding out who "The Box" mom is, and I'm handing her my form in person. AND, I'm never going to volunteer for that position because they weren't nice to me.

That'll show em! You don't eye roll the master and get away with it!

P.S. For those of you who watch Big Love on HBO... I took the sister wife quiz and the wife I'm most like is Lois. LOIS! And, those PTCO bitches better know that you don't f**k with LOIS! I'll throw a can of peas at their heads!

Am I anti-social?

I have been so very out of touch lately it's weird. I'm one to withdraw anyway, when I get anxious or feel overwhelmed. But when I spoke to my friend MM this morning I realized that I haven't really been "in contact" with any of my close friends in, like, a month or more. When did I turn in to this really anti-social character? I, admittedly, have a problem in that I like to "cocoon" in my house. I literally never get cabin fever, can go days without leaving our house/backyard. Blizzards? Don't really bother me - unless there are no chocolate chip cookie fixins... then we have a problem! But, even in periods where I am not really out and about so much, I manage to keep in contact with my friends. Email and the phone.

I suppose it is good that school is starting. This will force me to deal with others on a daily basis again - it's too easy for me to just fall off the face of the earth.

Shouldn't that bother me? That I'm OK without "non family" human contact for a month? Sure, I read blogs and leave comments - but that really isn't the same as spending time with people. Am I an example of what is going to become of us as our lives get even more technologically involved? Remember those sci-fi scenarios where people were contained in their pods and lived through their computers? Is that me in a few years? Will I be one of those freaky hermit people? Like, Howard Hughes - but without the wealth to back up my description of being merely "eccentric"?

Hmmm. I'll let you know if and when I lose the desire to shower. Y'all know how important my hair is to me. When that goes then it will be time to call the men in the white coats!!

(OK, it's not like I'm agoraphobic or anything, just really lazy sometimes!)

How much do I love our new camera???

OH MY GOD, it's awesome! Haven't had much chance to play with my new Photoshop CS3 yet... but I can't wait!

The best thing about a digital SLR? NO shutter lag like a normal digital camera. Love. Love. Love. Mrs. Nielson, you were so right!

The Storm last night

Last night we had a gorgeous storm. Beautiful lightening, crashing thunder, pouring rain. Our new roof is working perfectly, so I love the rain again. What ruined this magical experience for me? Our boxer panting in my left ear for the entire storm. He hates lightening and thunder… so he took me down right with him.

This was a horrible experience on so many levels! He devastated the cozy feeling that I get from being safe inside while nature goes crazy outside, dog breath does little to relax me, and the ghastly repetitious panting noise was enough to drive me crazy.

For future reference, how much Benedryl can you safely give a 70 pound dog?

(Is that bad?)

Post that goes with picture below

Highlights of our Family Getaway

We were in cabins. Lovely little cabins with running water (hot and cold), indoor plumbing, and we didn’t have to sleep on the ground.

The horses that live on the property came to our door every morning to see if we had any carrots or apples we weren’t planning on eating. The girls were squee with excitement over this!

Our friends, J.S. and A.S. and their children were so much fun to hang out with I completely forgot I hate the out-of-doors! (Well, the wilderness out-of-doors anyway… I’m all for the neighborhood pool out-of-doors)

DD1 got completely soaked and muddy playing in the stream with our hosts daughter on our first afternoon and was darling in her happiness. She also likes to fish with her Daddy, and while DD2 isn’t ready for stream fishing yet she does like to pick wildflowers for her mom. DD1 and her dad finished a 5 mile hike together, and were muddy and laughing upon their return.

DD2 will go on a "nature walk" to pick wildflowers for mommy... but will NOT go on a "hike". It can be the exact same area that is being covered, but you must call it a walk, not a hike. Go figure.

Side trip to Pagosa Springs was wonderful. Our friends daughter had been on the TV show “What Not To Wear” earlier this year so we got to watch a DVD of her show. It was very funny to see. Also, my friend S.Mc. took me on a great tour of the town in her convertible BMW. Top down, beautiful summer day, charming mountain town… the only way to tour.

DD1 saying to my friend S.Mc. as she sprayed “White Diamonds” perfume, “Hey! I know what that smell reminds me of!! OFF BUG SPRAY!” (God, you have to love their innocence, don’t you?)

I can do without any more excessive time in the car this summer. Two long car trips are plenty. But, as usual, the girls were great travelers and it was great to get away from the stress of everyday life. Although, coming home to everyday life was fantastic (especially since my new Harry Potter was waiting on my kitchen table for me)… and to quote a more famous Dorothy: “There’s No Place Like Home!”

(Note: my real name is Dorothy. Just in case you didn’t already know that. It’s not something I advertise!)

Mountains Summer 2007

Mountains Summer 2007, originally uploaded by anniesmum.

Off to camp!

....and by "camp" I don't mean the kind where mom and dad send the kids off for 10-14 days of wilderness experience while we stay at home having romantic dinners and such. Oh no. We are going camping as a family adventure. (Because, and those of you who know me can vouch for me here, I am ALL ABOUT the outdoors! Not.) I'm talking about the kind of camping where we go without showers for 4 days, have a wee bit of suspicious "crunchy" in our food (which really bother me in the eggs, but not as much in the burgers. Go figure.), and instead of perfume we all smell like bug spray for the entire outing.

At least husband will be doing the cooking. He fancies himself as quite the camper / fisherman.

We will be in cabins, so this is a plus. However, the cabins have mice, which is a minus. But the mice are pretty cute, plus. They only come out at night, neutral. They are noisy at night, minus. The cabins are charming, plus. They have electricity and running water, plus. We are going with a family that I really really like, plus.

We haven't been camping in two years. The girls are two years older, and should be easier this time, right?

I'll let you know.

We'll be back next Thursday. (We're taking a little side trip to see friends in the mountains after the camping trip... which explains the extra days.)

Have a great weekend. I'll be thinking of you all taking showers and staying clean. (And, believe me, some of you come off better in this mental picture than others!)

Adventures await us! Let's fish!

I know it's a lot of picture posts... but stay with me

I took this picture on a bridge over the Brazos River during my first trip to TX this summer. It strikes me as a euphemism for being a parent.

"There they go!"

If Frank Lloyd Wright were a hornet he’d be living on my porch

Seriously, most hornets / wasps nests look like paper versions of beeswax. NOT this architectural wonder! THIS must be, like, the Taj Mahal of hornets nests. (And for the record, yes… I am aware that Frank did not design the Taj Mahal. I’m vociferous, not stupid.) You cannot help but appreciate the perfect symmetry of the overall shape, the rounded bulbous quality. It is truly a sight to behold. And, lucky me, I’m going to be beholding it for quite a while - because my husband isn’t about to whack that thing down with a broom any time soon! (And, frankly, neither am I!)

Showings will be on even numbered Tuesdays between 11:15 and 11:30.

Most likely for the rest of my life.

Sometimes I just browse

I admit, I fancy that in another life I might have been a photographer. (I also sometimes fancy that in another life I may have been royalty - and this is the reason I find my middle class existance barely tolerable... but that really would be another blog entirely.) Sometime I just go out and browse photo websites to see what is out there. I used to do this and then send my friend some of the photos that I had found with my own captions. Well, before I clean out the "my picture" file of my laptop (memory is crucial, you realize) I thought I'd share some old finds with you all. See if you agree with my opinions. If not, lets discuss.






I'm guessing that the church that sponsored these two might want to pay attention to the cafe in the background before printing in the "Merry Missionary Update" section of the newsletter.







Possibly that greatest "Yo Mama..." comeback in history.







REALLY wish I had been there the evening they found it was necessary to post this sign.






I so easily could have thought this one up. It hardly seems fair that someone got the idea first, right?







Ahhh, yes. I've been at that crossroads myself. (I have an Art Degree, so you could say I never ACTUALLY made a firm decision on this...)










Uhhhh, think those are real?
(Ewwwwwwwwwwww is just not strong enough!)



*************


Hey, sorry about that last one. Shock and Awe got the best of me.

Quotes?

My friend Mrs. Nielson (yes, of the Nielson Family who decides what we watch on TV - and thank God she has HBO) posted on her blog about quotes. An article she had read gave her the idea to issue her own challenge. Her favorite phrase is "Life, Love, Laugh".

I love quotes. I collect them, sort of, and have even centered a family Christmas letter around them once. Mostly quotes hit home with me when they have a bit of humor to them.

"The fashion sense of the very young, the very old, and the flu-stricken are uncannily similar." (Quinn Cummings, QC Report)

"There is no reciprocity. Men love women, women love children, children love hamsters." (Unknown)

But, I'd have to say if there is a quote to live my life by I'm a bit stumped. I guess one of the wisest quotes I've ever run across if from William Shakespeare:

"It is a wise father that knows his own child."

In this day and age I think truer words have never been spoken - and that they were spoken in the 16th century speaks volumes about parenting. It's always been obvious. Know your children. Know their interests, their passions, their strengths and weaknesses, their friends, their teachers... and if need be, know things they wouldn't voluntarily share with you. Do I think Columbine could have been avoided if the killers parents had known their children better? Maybe. Do I think parents can always save their children? No. But knowing them well can help you guide them to things and circumstances that will - hopefully - result in their being happier, more secure human beings. And isn't that key?

And, I'm interested in knowing about dragons and ketchup also. Will Doubting Thomas please share?

P.S. Obviously I am back from TX. Chaotic and stressful, need to clear my head. Need to just live my life for a while and get perspective on how to best help my dear friend. Hers is not a situation to be "solved" for her, and certainly cannot be "solved" overnight. Sadly, things were probably not any better when I left than when I got there - just different. She is important to me, and I hope that it all works out for the best. She deserves nothing less.

Are you sitting down?

...because he left her. HE LEFT HER. Three weeks in to their marriage and he left her.

Who does that? What kind of sick man is he?

I'll have the whole story when I get back. I'm off to TX tomorrow morning to see my friend and dry her tears the best that I can. My amazing husband is insisting that I go - what a wonderful man I am married to. Why sometimes does it take something so very shocking and sad to make me look at my life and completely appreciate how lucky I am? I have an amazing life. There is more love and goodness in my life than I would have ever thought possible... and starting today I'm going to be taking time out each day to thank the Lord that he has brought me to such a wonderful life.

HE LEFT HER. Who does that? I know, I'm repeating myself. But this is horrifying and shocking and wrong.

P.S. She said she's going to write a book called, "When the wedding pedicure lasts longer than the marriage." I think she's brilliant! Keep her in your thoughts. I'll be back Friday or Saturday. Love you all, appreciate you all, and be sure to thank God today for our blessed lives.

Get a cup of coffee, this is a long one...

Diary of a Bridesmaid: Day One (Thursday)

(Our adventure to the Great State of TX starts on Thursday, June 7th)
It’s 6:00am and we’re on the road! Right on time… Husband is deliriously happy. Took my shower last night, which helped with the timeline, but that mystic tan I did yesterday still making my skin smell funny. (Note to self; only natural tanning in the tanning salon for me in the future. Spray on stuff smells bad. Do you think Husband notices?)

Holy Cow, it’s 9:00am, and we’re already in Trinidad! Only one Starbucks in town, and it’s in a Safeway. Go figure… the town that pioneered gender correction surgery and the gays have no decent Starbucks to gather in.

10:30am. Starting to get a little tired of the car… but we’re through Colorado and almost through New Mexico. Landscape starting to get a little bleak. I hope Texas is more exciting than this.

11:00am. Hey, it’s my brother’s birthday today! Better text him so he doesn’t think I forgot.

Lunchtime. Rundown Subway restaurant in the middle of nowhere. While on a visit to the restroom – which we insisted the girls visited every single time we stopped – Annie looks up at me from her “perch” and states: “I’m going to have a safe and logical summer.” (Wha?)

1:30pm. Texas is, ummm, a whole lotta boring.

2:00pm. WHAT DO YOU MEAN AMARILLO IS STILL 234 MILES AWAY? Half an hour ago it was only 200 miles away. Is there some sort of mileage vortex in this god-forsaken state that makes you drive forward yet travel backwards?

4:00pm. STILL not in Amarillo. Oh My God. Starting to wonder if there aren’t evil forces at work.

5:00pm. Oh for the love of GOD, Texas is big. I’m not writing again until we’re almost there.

7:49pm. Just finished dinner in Wichita Falls. We finally managed to sling shot past Amarillo, and made excellent time getting here. (Seems like the time / mileage vortex only exists between the state line and Amarillo.) Here, to the only diner that we could find – which seems to do a great local business. (I’m guessing that you get to be the big business in town when you’re the ONLY business in town.) We were hoping for an Outback, or some sort of TX steakhouse. Instead we settled for BLT’s and chips.

9:30ish. (really, closer to 10pm) Waco Texas. GOOD LORD it’s humid here! Making my mystic tanned skin smell even worse. Husband must notice the smell by now that only appears when I am in view. God Bless Him, hasn’t even scrunched up his nose. I love that man. He has booked us in to the Hilton, which at least means comfy beds with good pillows. Yea!

I think I have never been this tired.

Ever.

Diary of a Bridesmaid: Day Two (Friday)

Ahhhh, the kids sort of slept in today – and husband took them swimming to give me some quiet time to wake up and unpack. Love that man! Not much to do during the day. Bride is off getting mani / pedi. She assures me there is nothing for us to do until that evening. I thought we’d be decorating the back yard with lights… hmmm. My chaotic sense is tingling! Not a good idea to leave everything to the last day on a do-it-yourself wedding, but maybe it’s just me.

Took the husband and the girls shopping in downtown Waco. Lunch. Then a trip to the Dr. Pepper Museum. (Didn’t even know there WAS a Dr. Pepper Museum did you?) Bought some original dr. pepper – the kind with cane sugar instead of nasty high fructose corn syrup. How soda used to be made. I want my empty calories to be natural, damn it.

This evening we attend the rehearsal dinner. M.S. (friend of the bride) is cooking several different meats in the smoker – and this means dinner will be DELISH. I love it when he cooks. Husband gets to meet the gays. (Susan’s gays. She is a bit of a fag hag – draws them like fruit flies to bananas. Love those boys!) Anyway, Main Gay adores my husband. Can’t believe I married someone so handsome. I’m loving this. Did he seriously think I would marry someone ordinary? Has he not met me? Also, Main Gay just bought the exact Jeep that husband has been wanting. Hmmmmm. A little psychic chemistry between my two favorite boys?
Rehearsal goes off well.

Have I mentioned how hot and humid it is here? Good lord, damp is one thing but full on spray mist wet with humidity should be outlawed.

Also, everyone in Texas smokes. ick.

Diary of a Bridesmaid: Day Three (Saturday)

She’s getting married today! And… today is the day I have to put on “the dress”. God help me.
Truth be told, the day is sort of a cluster f#ck. Too much not already done, too much still to do. Thank God she has a wedding organizer that is part angel, part General Patton.

Bridesmaid lunch (have you ever tried an orange/cranberry mimosa? Oh Good Lord – I’ll be havin me some more of that please!). 3 (or 4) mimosas later (with some appetizers of course) and we’re all in the mood to go back to bride’s house and work on our bouquets and the table centerpieces. What’s that? You want the drunkish girls to also make the corsages and boutonnieres? No Problemo! (Oh yes, they were kind of ugly. Wedding Coordinator fixed them up I noticed later that evening.)

Time to go back to the hotel and get ready for the big night.

*****
We arrive back at the house for pictures around 6:30. (Pictures were supposed to start at 6:00, but I happen to know that the other bridesmaids are just as punctually challenged as I am so I’m not worried.

Should have worried. Am last bridesmaid to arrive. However – bride is still getting dressed and hasn’t even gotten her deodorant on yet. Phew. It’s going to be OK.

Pictures taken. Bride had to have hair re-done after pictures because of excruciating humidity. I hate my dress, but my daughters look DARLING. My hair is tweaking out really badly. (…have I mentioned that TX is more than a little humid?)

Wedding goes off without a hitch. Well, at least no one fell. They wrote their own vows (which, actually, I’m never a big fan of), and bride managed to keep the forehead sweat to a minimum. I cried. And cried. And cried. But I did not sob, just sniffled a lot.

Got to hold on to groomsman’s arm on the way back up to the house from ceremony. Darn good thing too, because I’m not so sure I could have negotiated that backyard again solo on my 4 inch heels.

Reception was pretty common. The Gays? LOVE the way my husband looks in a suit. Remark again about how handsome he is. Tell him to treat me right. Then they invite us to come down for the commitment ceremony between Main Gay and his Partner. We’d love to! (Daughters are not invited. What do Gays have against the cutest flower girls in the universe anyway?) I? Think they just want another viewing of Husband in a suit.

By 11:30pm we’re home (Hello Hilton, who will also “leave the lights on for you” by the way). Husband goes down to the bar to buy us a nightcap, I tuck the girls in, and as Husband and I snuggle under the sheets we giggle about the “country club meets the trailer park” wedding that is now just a wonderfully sweaty memory.

Have I mentioned yet either the heat or the humidity?

Diary of a Bridesmaid: Day Four (Sunday)

Day after the wedding. I need more sleep!

We head over to bride and groom’s house to see end of present opening. Visit with everyone. Admit to people who ask yes I have, in fact, been tanning. I managed to get in 3 tanning sessions and one mystic tan before leaving town for the wedding. (In case you’ve never mystic tanned before, it’s a pain to get “right”, you smell “starchy” until your second shower – but it truly is a golden tan. Be sure to mystic 2 days before your event, if only for the smell alone.) Said goodbye to the bride, groom, family, friends. Promised to return to Waco soon. (Although, I can guarantee next time it will be on an airplane!)

Took daughters swimming after lunch. Lovely pool, very cold water which felt wonderful. (Because, did I mention yet that it’s hot and humid in Texas?) Find a charming restaurant downtown to have dinner, and it’s “home” to the hotel for an early bedtime. Movies in bed in a comfy hotel. Vacation rest!

Diary of a Bridesmaid: Day Five (Monday)

Breakfast at the hotel (since Husband stays at Hilton so often our family gets free breakfast in the restaurant every morning, so we take full advantage), and we’re on the road. (at a modest 9:30ish)

Drive to Amarillo. Pretty uneventful. Pool is filthy, won’t let daughters swim. They are BITTER about it.
Staying in the Fairfield Inn Amarillo. Word of advice: don’t. The rooms are TINY, and as I stated before, the pool is filthy.

Diary of a Bridesmaid: Day Six (Tuesday)

Did I mention that the girls have dress rehearsal for their dance recital on Wednesday? And that if they miss dress rehearsal they cannot, under any circumstances, be in the recital?

Cue the car breaking down this morning. In Amarillo.

Thank God for OnSTAR. Turns out only to be a completely dead battery, Meineke (I have no idea how that is spelled) gets us on the road about 3 hours later, thus keeping me from renting a car in order to get back to Denver on time and spending even more money. (I’m not kidding – the girls and I were GETTING HOME, and leaving Husband in God Forsaken Amarillo to deal with the mechanic issues.)

For the record, it takes just a long to get from Amarillo to the state line as the other way around. What is the DEAL with that?

We roll in to Denver the evening of Tuesday. Oh, it is good to be home.

In conclusion
It was an EXHAUSTING 6 days. But, my dear friend is married, and we were there for it. I love her! I hope she is eternally happy in her marriage to Steve!

And… here is something you’ve all been waiting for: A picture of me in the “the dress”.
We call this picture “Really classy bridesmaids at a hot Texas wedding.” Enjoy.

We Interrupt This Blog for an Emergency Message...

... I watched the final episode of the Sopranos two nights ago - and have been so angry I had to blog about it to get it out.

WHAT A RIPOFF! 7 seasons husband and I spent watching this show. Loving this show. Missing this show when they had no new episodes in 2003 and 2005. Counting down the days until new seasons would start.

And THIS was the ending we got?

I'm so mad that even if the did make a movie to continue the story I wouldn't spend the money to see it. (I'm not saying I wouldn't see it at all... but you can damn sure bet a pirated copy would be involved. Copyright my ass - these people don't deserve another dime!)

Thats all.

Pardon my procrastination...

I'm working on my "Diary of a Bridesmaid", but the progress is slow. My mind is still reeling from the amount of driving we did! Please to enjoy the following until I can post my TX adventures:



(Button courtesy of Martha. God Bless you for summing this up for me!)

Deep in the heart of Texas!

We leave tomorrow at 6am.

Texas in June, my dear friend's wedding.

I'll post when I'm back - but I promise no one that they will be able to see pictures!

Think Pink

I’m 42 years old. I went for my “annual” (checkup, that is), and Dr. starts asking me why I didn’t have my mammogram done last year. Ummm, I forgot? Ummm, I hate them? Ummm, we do “Buddy Check 9” and have never found anything to worry about? (FYI: Husband? He’s my “Buddy”!)

I go and have the mammogram done. Whew, glad that’s over for another year. (At least!) 4 days later I get a call. “Something showed up in your pictures, and we’ll need you to come in to have a possible lump inspected. Right side, diagnostic pictures and ultrasound. Would next Tuesday work for you?” Huh? OK, I have big boobs. They aren’t just big – they are HUGE. There could be a golf ball in there and I wouldn’t have felt it… so OK. I’ll be in on Tuesday. I’m annoyed because I know they are going to squish the right one even harder this time. Arrgh.

I go in for my Tuesday appointment (and by now worry has set in, but I’ll tell you at the end why I knew in my heart that this was going to be nothing) and they show me the picture of the spot they are concerned about. It is the size of a pencil eraser, give or take. I’m like, “That doesn’t look like anything.” (I am the mother that couldn’t figure out which blob was my daughter on the prenatal ultrasound… so I suppose I should defer to their greater knowledge here.) They take a diagnostic picture and the spot is still there so they do the ultrasound. They find nothing. They take yet another picture. “We aren’t seeing anything like a lump or a cyst. We’ll need to see you back in 6 months.”

Phew.

GET YOUR MAMMOGRAM! Think Pink – and Walk for the Cure this Autumn. Do your Buddy-Check-9, but know that you can’t feel most of what they are looking for, and if you do have any breast abnormalities get an appointment right away.

But, why did I know that it would be OK? Because there was no way karma was going to let me out of wearing that hideous bridesmaids dress 8 days from now! I am Karma’s bitch, darn it - - and sometimes that comes in handy!

Ahhh, the "good" life!

OK... This? This right here is why people should never even consider letting their children enter so much as a Beautiful Baby Contest! GOD FORBID that they EVER end up like this...

#3?

The shoe dropped.

Food poisoning.

Me.

Friday thru Saturday.

Ewwwwww.

You're kidding, right?

Please tell me that bad things don’t really happen in threes… or I’ve got another one left to drop.

Thursday, May 10. A good day leading up to “the incident”. My friend’s birthday, so we got to have a grown up lunch together while our other friend organized a surprise for her at the elementary school for when she picked up her daughters. Seriously, a very fun day. Husband picks up the kids from their schools for me, we find out that next week is DD2’s turn as star-student so we get to do a poster, that should be fun. Get DD1 ready for soccer practice, and what’s this? DD2 wants to wear her cleats so she can practice with the team. Husband is the coach and sees no problem with this as it’s our last practice of the season and it’s going to be just games. Looking good so far. It’s a beautiful day – the moms and I are having a great time, the kids are having fun – UNTIL. The big UNTIL, right? DD2 is moving her ball downfield (she’s just sort of walking with it, but doesn’t “moving it downfield” sound so much more impressive?), when she tumbles over the soccer ball and lands on the ground. She falls on to the grass, starts crying, so I go on over to her and pull her on to my lap. I’m not worried – telling her she’ll be fine, giving her kisses on her head – and then I really look at her arm. It is CLEARLY broken. Not that there are bones sticking out or anything, but the angle is not at all natural. Husband shouts “Practice is cancelled,” and we run her to the emergency room. Yes, it’s broken, both bones in her forearm, have to put her out to set it, mom and dad really quite sick about the whole thing. They’ll cast it in a week.

Saturday, May 12. Things starting to return to normal with DD2… pain seem to be easily controlled with Motrin, and it looks like a good day. Sunny and warm, DD1’s last soccer game is this day, and we have a party scheduled for end of season with the team afterwards. Trophies, shirts, good times. We get through the party fine. As we drive up to our house afterwards, literally we are crossing the threshold of the garage, DD1 pipes up, “Tell me the truth! Are you the ones that leave presents out from Santa and the Easter Bunny?” WHAT? The question I have dreaded more than any other since I gave birth to my first child – way more dreaded than the facts of life discussion… and it just pops out in casual conversation in front of her sister while we’re trapped in the car, and I have to stall until I can figure out what to do. I wasn’t ready for this question. At all. At ALL. She is seven years old… what is she doing asking that before she’s 9 or 10? I haven’t decided how I’m going to handle this – but I manage to get her to stop talking about it until I can get her alone. Then, should I deflect it? “Don’t be ridiculous, Christmas is months away.” Do I lie? “Santa is as real. As real as Christmas Magic itself.” Do I THROTTLE her for asking this question in front of her four-year-old sister? “How DARE you ruin the magic of Santa and the Easter Bunny for your sister! You can expect coal in your stocking for sure next year.” Or do I pony up, do the adult thing, and include her in the knowledge that yes, it’s us. “OK, you are very smart and figured it out… Santa hasn’t actually lived for hundreds of years, but it’s really fun to keep the magic of Christmas and Santa alive for the little ones we love so much – so don’t you dare tell your little sister or there’ll not be one thing for you under the tree next year.”

I went with the latter. And I feel very old somehow. I have a child that no longer believes in Santa – and who was totally OK with finding out the truth. Happy, in fact, that she had figured out the mystery.

So, to make a long entry short:

May 10th: Broken Arm
May 12th: Broken Dreams

Cross your fingers that nothing else gets broken. Or, if a third thing must break - - let it be that really ugly vase that I don't really like anyway!